Robert W. Odom Ph. D.
One of the issues I have encountered and addressed with people recently is the idea of what shapes us. Additionally, I have looked at the triggers that cause us to respond and react to the things we encounter. Sometimes these are easy to recognize, but at other times we must dig deeper to discover what causes us to do what we do.
Today I want to examine why we do what we do. The best place to begin is in the beginning. When God created humankind, He did so in His image. Although we are not God, we have been created in the likeness of God. So, when we are born, we are born with the image of God stamped upon our hearts.
After birth, we are exposed to different stimuli and experiences as we move through life. These stimuli and experiences can shape us into something different from how we were created. In this discussion, there is a second dimension that needs consideration. Although we are made in the image or likeness of God, God also creates each of us differently. This is the foundation of the nature and nurture debate. Are we born that way, or do life experiences impact us? My simple answer is yes. While both impact our responses, I focus today on the learned traits or nurture aspects.
Combine our God-given traits with adverse exposures, and we can begin to respond negatively to our experiences. As we go through life, we are faced with problems. These problems shape us and begin to define us. They can define us in both positive and negative ways. We learn to put up a false front when confronted with the truth. We lie to cover our faults. We compartmentalize and close down when we face difficulties. We use humor rather than process what is happening. We turn to drugs or alcohol in excess to numb our pain. We turn to pornography to fill a hole of intimacy. We could go on, but you get the point.
For our discussion, a trigger is defined as a stimulus that causes us to go to our negative space. The trigger is what moves us to respond the way we do. When we think about it, a trigger is an event or action that causes us to go to a bad space when confronted with a problem. Notably, the trigger is not the problem as much as the response to the problem. The problem is most likely an emotion that has formed in us. The trigger may be something that elicits fear. It might be something that impacts our self-esteem. The trigger might stir anger in us.
For example, let’s say it is your performance on the job. Your supervisor approaches you with some changes that need to be made. Instead of listening, you take the confrontation personally. You begin to compartmentalize. You speak to yourself and say things like, I am no good. I am defective. I am the problem. In cases like this, we shut down, get angry, and respond negatively to what we perceive as negative talk. Unfortunately, responding this way makes it personal and perhaps derails growth opportunities. The reason that we react this way is that we have been rejected on prior occasions. In the past, we have been criticized, and any comment is now taken personally. We become a critic of ourselves. Our response could also be because we have failed before, so we take any criticism personally, even if it is constructive and points to an area of growth. The trigger is the comment we take personally, and the emotion is fear or low self-esteem.
The second illustration is a relational one. We develop relationships, but as soon as the relationship grows, we back away because we fear intimacy or commitment. This happens because with have been let down and burned by previous commitments on more than one occasion. We struggle with commitment because we fear being hurt, and our hearts cannot take another bit of pain. The trigger that causes us to do this is the idea of commitment. That word alone scares us because we do not know what that looks like in a healthy environment.
My challenge for you is to track when you respond negatively to comments made or actions taken against you. Think about the issue and why it affected you the way it did. The person’s comments are not the problem, but we must look deeper than that. Within us, some emotions need to be healed and restored to their proper place. Recognizing those emotions is the first step.
All this sounds so easy, but it is not. It takes time. It requires honesty and a look into what makes us tick. I do not expect these issues to be resolved quickly but anything good is worth the wait and the time spent.
I believe that this is why David made the following request to God. Search me. “O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts” (Psalm 139:23)! David prayed that God would search his heart and reveal what was there. God knows us and that prayer is one that He will answer. And then David prays this prayer. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). It is not enough to have our emotions revealed. We must invite and allow change to take place. That is where healing comes.
So let me ask you:
- What are some of the triggers you recognize in your life? In other words, what sets you off?
- Since the trigger is not the problem, consider the emotion from the trigger. Is it anger? Fear? Low self-esteem?
- Once you recognize the trigger and the emotions that cause the trigger to cause the reaction, what steps can you take to counter those emotions and establish better responses?
- Pray Psalm 139:23 and Psalm 51:10. Allow God to reveal His truth within us. Then allow Him to heal you by creating a new heart and renewing the proper perspective about who you are.
- Find someone you trust to speak to about this. Perhaps this would be a good friend, a pastor, or a counselor.
© Robert W. Odom 2023
Life on the edge 