Category Archives: Uncategorized

June 14, 2026 · 6:33 pm

Learning to Say NO!

Bob Odom, PhD, GC-C

Last week, I wrote about the power of forgiveness. This week, I want to talk about how my past led me to become a people pleaser.

Yes, I said it. For most of my life, I was a people pleaser. It is not easy to admit, but it is true.

I wanted people to be happy with me. I was afraid of failure and worried that people would not love or accept me. Deep inside, I feared that if I made a mistake or let someone down, they might stop caring about me altogether.

Let me explain how that came to be.

As I shared last week, I grew up with an abusive stepfather. When I was twelve years old, I moved in with my biological father, whom I had not officially met until that point.

To tell the complete story, things had become so difficult at home that my stepfather’s sister came one evening, packed my bags, and took me to live with her. During the following year, she helped arrange for me to move in with my father. At the end of the school year, I packed my bags once again, met my dad at the local junior high school, loaded everything I owned, and moved from Texas to Mobile, Alabama, where I had been born.

Life was better there, but it came with its own challenges.

My father was a good man, but he was stoic and rarely talked about personal matters. Looking back, I realize that I spent many years trying to earn his approval. When I felt I had fallen short, I simply worked harder and tried more. Without realizing it, I began to measure my worth by what I accomplished and by whether others were pleased with me.

That pattern followed me into adulthood.

By most standards, I was successful. I became a leader early in nearly every position I held. I served as a Business Operations Manager for Grumman Aerospace and later pastored four wonderful churches. I served on Mission ministry boards, helped to start a Christian school, a major food pantry that now serves at least 4 locations at this time. Yet despite those accomplishments, there was always a voice in the back of my mind pushing me to do more, achieve more, and make sure everyone around me was happy.

What I failed to see was how much my need for approval was driving my life.

The problem became especially apparent when I found myself trying to please two different people at the same time. To satisfy one person often meant disappointing another. No matter what decision I made, someone was going to be unhappy. I had become trapped in the false belief that it was my responsibility to keep everyone happy.

Over time, God began bringing healing into this area of my life. One moment, in particular, stands out. A boss once asked me to stay late and work overtime. I already had a family commitment and could not stay. For the first time in my life, I simply said, “No, I can’t stay.”

What surprised me was what happened next.

I did not explain myself. I did not offer excuses. I did not feel guilty. I simply stated that I could not stay.

And do you know what happened?

They said, “Okay.”

That may not sound like a significant moment, but for me it was life changing. In that brief exchange, I learned an important lesson. I could say no and still be respected. I could disappoint someone without losing their acceptance. I could establish a healthy boundary without carrying guilt.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned is that we cannot make everyone happy. No matter how hard we try, someone will eventually be disappointed. When we spend our lives chasing the approval of others, we surrender our peace and often lose sight of who we really are.

The Apostle Paul addressed this struggle directly in Galatians 1:10 when he wrote, “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Paul understood that our highest calling is not to gain the approval of people but to be faithful to God. I missed that for years. I was trying to be faithful to God and at the same time trying to get the approval of others.

Our worth is not determined by the opinions of others. It is found in understanding who we are and whose we are.

Today, I still care deeply about people. I still want to help others and be a source of encouragement. But I no longer feel responsible for keeping everyone happy.

That is a burden I was never meant to carry.

Perhaps some of you can relate. If so, know that it is okay to say no. It is okay to set boundaries. And it is okay to stop carrying responsibilities that were never yours in the first place.

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June 7, 2026 · 8:59 am

Lessons Learned at 70: The Power of Forgiveness

Dr Bob Odom

June 2026

In a few weeks, I will turn 70 years old. As I reflect on the journey God has given me, I find myself thinking about the lessons I have learned along the way. Over the next few articles, I would like to share some of those lessons and the stories behind them.

As I look at my life, I realize that I have been blessed beyond words. I also know that my life could have easily taken a very different path.

My story began before I was even born. My parents divorced, and my mother left to find herself. As a result, I was dropped off at my grandmother’s house. When I was six years old, my mother remarried and wanted me to come live with her.

For a while, things seemed fine. But my stepfather struggled with issues that would eventually affect our entire family. When he was sober, he could be one of the kindest men you would ever meet. When he drank, however, he became abusive—emotionally, mentally, and physically.

His discipline was often excessive and cruel. One punishment required me, at seven or eight years old, to stand facing a wall on one foot. If my raised foot touched the ground, he would slap me and restart the clock. This would continue for long periods while my mother pleaded with him and arguments erupted around me.

On another occasion, he wanted to see what would happen if he drove nails through a paddle-ball board and used it to strike someone. I became the test subject. He made me remove my pants and hit me repeatedly. I could barely sit down for days afterward.

While my stepfather was abusive, my mother became overprotective. She rarely allowed me to have friends over, and I was never permitted to visit other children’s homes. She feared that people would discover what was happening inside our house.

Because my stepfather spent much of his money on alcohol, my mother had to work. Long before the term existed, I became a latchkey kid. In the mornings, I often had Carnation Instant Breakfast before heading to school. In the evenings, I came home to a TV dinner that I heated myself. I completed my homework and hoped my stepfather would not come home. If he did, I retreated to my room. Books became my refuge. I loved to read and often lost myself in stories that took me far away from the realities of home.

Why share these memories? Over the years I came to understand that my stepfather was fighting demons he could never overcome. That understanding does not excuse his actions, but it does help explain them. Eventually, he traveled to Montana and rented a cabin. A week later he was found there, surrounded by empty vodka bottles, having taken his own life with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The demons won.

By that time, I had not seen him in fifteen years. I had moved to New York, married, and started a family of my own. Yet something significant had already begun to happen in my heart. Before I received news of his death, I had started the difficult process of forgiveness.

I realized that if I wanted to grow and heal, I needed to forgive—not only my stepfather, but also my mother. Forgiveness was not easy, nor did it happen overnight. But I knew that if I continued carrying the pain and anger, I would spend the rest of my life reacting to my past instead of living in the present.

As I learned to forgive, I felt the weight of those old wounds begin to lift. My heart found peace. When I heard that my stepfather had died, I expected to feel relief. Instead, I felt sadness. One of my greatest disappointments was knowing that I would never have the opportunity to tell him personally that I forgave him.

Years later, however, God provided an unexpected gift. After reconnecting with my mother, I visited Texas and spent time with one of my stepbrothers. During our conversation, he shared something that deeply moved me. He told me that my stepfather had said that if he ever saw me again, he wanted him to tell me he was sorry for everything he had done. Those words did not erase the past, but they brought a measure of healing and closure I never expected to receive.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned in seventy years is the power of forgiveness. We forgive because we need healing. We forgive because it allows us to move forward. We forgive because it frees our hearts to love and our minds to be transformed.

Someone once said that refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. They don’t. We are the ones who suffer.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It does not excuse wrongdoing. It does not erase consequences. What it does is release the hold that another person’s actions have on our lives. When we forgive, we stop allowing the person who hurt us to control our future. We release them, and in doing so, we release ourselves.

Is forgiveness easy? Not at all. It is one of the hardest choices we will ever make. Yet it is also one of the most freeing. Forgiveness has the power to save us from being prisoners of our past and opens the door to a healthier future. As I look back on seventy years of life, I can say without hesitation that forgiveness changed mine.

To be continued:

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May 29, 2026 · 2:26 pm

Finding Ourselves Again After Trauma

By Bob Odom PhD, GC-C

Emma Heming Willis, wife of Bruce Willis, has spoken openly about the toll of caregiving after Bruce’s diagnosis with frontotemporal dementia. In reflecting on her journey, she shared that she had become so consumed by caregiving that she began to lose touch with herself—what she enjoyed, what made her happy, and even what she needed. Her book, The Unexpected Journey, focuses on finding strength, hope, and oneself while walking the caregiving path.  

This comment and the thoughts I have been processing is how people who faced trauma, grief, caregiving, and other life struggles can find themselves in a place where they no longer know who they are. For so long, their focus has been on surviving, caring for others, and healing from personal wounds that, somewhere along the way, they lose themselves. Many become defined by the trauma, the illness, the loss, or the responsibility placed upon them.

This is a common experience for those navigating grief, trauma, and caregiving. Yet, in many ways, this struggle is nothing new. Since the beginning of humanity, people have wrestled with identity and purpose. The difficulty becomes even greater when trauma—whether “big T” trauma or “little t” trauma—begins to shape how we see ourselves.

This reminds me of the parable of the sower. The seed is planted, but the thorns grow up and choke out what is good. In the same way, the cares of life, wounds of the past, and burdens we carry can choke out joy, peace, purpose, and identity.

So what do we do when we feel lost?

First, we acknowledge where we are. We acknowledge the pain. We acknowledge the confusion. We acknowledge that we may not know who we are right now. Recognition is often the first step toward healing.

Second, we begin to imagine and dream again. We ask, “What brings me joy? What gives me life? What has God placed within me that has been buried beneath the weight of survival?” Give your self permission to do something that brings you joy. Go to a movie. Have dinner with friends. Go for a walk. Take a trip.

Biblically, we do this by leaning into prayer, the Word of God, and the counsel of trusted people who will help guide us toward healing. Paul reminds us in Romans 12:2 that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. Too often, the cares and struggles of life conform us into something God never intended. But through His grace, our minds, hearts, and lives can be renewed. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to write the narrative in our minds. It is a narrative that replaces the narrative that I hav lost my self with one that says I have life. I have hope. I am a creation of God who is defined by God’s purposes.

Finding ourselves is not simply going back to who we were before the trauma. It is about learning to heal, love, live, and find life after what happened. It is about finding a new normal and a new life.

This week, choose one thing that brings you joy. Do it for yourself. Do it without guilt. Do it without regret. Even if it feels strange at first, let it be one small step toward finding yourself again.

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September 28, 2025 · 11:52 am

Peace In the Storm

Dr. Bob Odom

September 28, 2025

If we listen to the news, it doesn’t take much to become discouraged, anxious, and fearful. With the shooting of Charlie Kirk, three officers in Pennsylvania being shot and killed, and a host of other adverse news events, it is hard to have peace. We add to this life-changing medical diagnoses such as liver disease, cancer, and respiratory disease.

It is challenging to find peace when our world seems to be in turmoil. What we held to as a security has changed, and we do not know what the future holds.

To understand peace, we must have a clear and accurate view of what peace entails. Too often, we believe that peace is the absence of problems and difficulties. The truth is that true peace comes amid the issues and challenges. It is not the absence of difficulty.

Just this past week, I met people facing challenging situations. Their world is in chaos because of family issues and complex health issues, but many of them stated that, amid the problems, they are at peace.

When I asked why they felt at peace, they said they knew God had them. They trust God to help them through the situation. One of the families stated that this has been a season for them to reorder their lives and focus on what is essential.   

The Bible is replete with Scripture that speaks to the theme of peace. The Old Testament prophet Isaiah stated that we will experience perfect peace when our minds are focused on God. In other words, we must reorder and refocus our lives toward trust and believing that God has us. He is for us, and He will not let us go.

In His message to the disciples, Jesus reminded them that in this world, they would face trials and various challenges. At the same time, He stated that He had come to bring peace in a chaotic world. The peace we are talking about is a peace that comes from a heart that is resolute about hope and the future.

When I read the story of Joseph, the one thing that stands out to me is that the Bible reminds us that no matter what happened to Joseph, “the Lord was with Joseph.” To fully understand this, we must review what Joseph had been through. He had been rejected by his brothers and sold into slavery. He had been falsely accused. He had broken promises. He was forgotten while being locked up in prison. But God was there.

In time, things changed, and he was remembered by those who had made promises, and he was restored to the right place. The point here, however, is that while his world was turned upside down, he was at peace because he knew that God was with him. He was living his life in turmoil, yet he found peace on his journey.

So, what are you going through? Are you in a difficult situation? Does your world seem upside down? Amid this, how is your peace? Where is your trust? What practical steps can one take to refocus their mind on God during difficult times? How can individuals maintain peace when faced with overwhelming circumstances? In what ways can one’s faith directly influence one’s experience of peace despite life’s challenges?

Isaiah reminds us that our peace is contingent on where we focus. If we focus on the problem or the difficulty, we will be discouraged and lose hope. But if we are focused on God, then we will walk in peace and have a hope that lasts.

Let me be the first to say this is easier said than done. Life issues can control everything else. But things change when we rest in God and His way of life. I love what our pastor said in a message a couple of weeks ago. He stated that with grief (or other life issues), there is a tension between grief and hope. That is so true.

There is tension between dealing with life’s issues and living in hope that comes from focusing on God. This does not minimize the problems we face, nor does it deny them. It reframes and refocuses on the discussion and how we approach these difficulties. Our hope and faith support us. Remember, just as God was with Joseph, He will be with you, and that is what matters most.  

So, let me ask you.

·      What are the problems and issues you face in your life?

·      Where do you feel the tension between hope and grief?

·      Where do you need to reframe or refocus your life to align with God’s purpose for life?

·      My challenge to you is to list your problems and then consider how you can reframe this discussion to focus on hope and peace.

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August 22, 2025 · 4:33 pm

How Did We Get Here?

Dr. Robert W. Odom

Over the last few weeks, I have been mulling over a news article I read. The article detailed the confession of a popular contemporary Christian singer who had been using drugs and taking advantage of young men. What bothered me most was that those around him knew this, and it appears they did little to help him.

As I pondered this, I began to think about how easy it is for us to make decisions that lead to bad choices and consequences that harm many. Most of the time, small choices and compromises develop a pattern. Left unchecked, these small decisions lead to patterns and ways of living that cause damage to our psyche and those around us. I do want to note that small positive choices can also lead to positive outcomes.

Too many who have been in the spotlight have fallen because of sinful practices that have been covered up or ignored. My guess is that these failures usually began with small decisions and compromises.

My goal is not judgment but a desire to give great grace. I give grace because any one of us can be in a position to make small compromises that lead to unhealthy patterns in our lives.  We all live with the vulnerability to want to hide and cover over those things that we do not wish to be in the open. The pressure to perform and present a confident persona can cloud our decisions. It is also based on what we believe we can hide and get away with.

This is nothing new. We see this story played out over and over again. From the beginning, humanity has had selfish issues that lead to poor decisions (Genesis 1-3). These decisions lead to a lifestyle not aligned with God’s plan and purpose. What began in the Garden of Eden continues today. In the Garden, we see the failure of humanity to obey God’s one command. When they disobeyed this command, they immediately tried to hide and cover up the sin. Notice the pattern. They saw. They wanted. They took. They hid. A read of Genesis 3 reveals this pattern. It is a pattern that continues into the present day.

One Biblical story that stands out to me is the story of David. He was the King that God appointed. Samuel had anointed David to lead the nation of Israel. In this calling and position of power, David let his guard down and failed to live the kind of life God wanted. He made a series of decisions that positioned him to make bad choices.

Many of you may know the story but let me share it briefly for those who do not (2 Samuel 11). The Israelites were in battle, and David, the army’s Commander-in-Chief, should have been on the field with his troops. Instead, he was at home. This was his first step of compromise. He went to the rooftop of his palace, where he saw a woman bathing across the lane. He lusted for her. This was his second step of compromise. He sent for her. As the king, he could summon anyone, and they had to approach him. If not, they could face the penalty of death. This was his third step of compromise.

She came to him, and eventually they were intimate, and she became pregnant. But instead of stepping up and making the right decisions, he continued to slide into deception and lies. Bathsheba, the woman he had impregnated, had a husband named Uriah, who was on the front line. David ordered him to come home and spend some time with Bathsheba. David’s plan was that Uriah would make love to Bathsheba, and everyone would believe that Uriah was the father.

Being a man of integrity and committed to the troops Uriah led, he did not want this. His focus was on winning the battle. His priorities were in order. Uriah requested to be returned to the front lines. David then schemed another plan and slid deeper into transgression. Uriah was sent back to the frontline, where David sent a letter to Joab, the army commander. His order was to have Uriah on the front lines of the fiercest battle. His goal was to have Uriah killed. And he was. This was David’s fourth step of compromise.

David now takes Bathsheba as his wife. For those around David, he seemed to be such a good guy. But this was just another ploy to hide his sin. The child was born but died shortly thereafter.

One thing is common to every story of compromise. When someone falls it is often associated with taking small steps and making small decisions away from the purposes of God. In each case, they see something or desire something. Then they move to wanting what they cannot or should not have. Sometimes, these are even good things, but not the best things for them. Then they step into the sin and take what they cannot have. Finally, they try to hide their sin.

Every significant compromise in our lives starts with small decisions that lead to greater problems. We compromise our standards and make decisions that begin a slide backward. Eventually, we get blinded by the safety we feel that no one will find out and that we have it under control. But do we?

These actions tend to come to light and, in the process, cause significant distress and pain to those who took these steps and those impacted by these actions. You can read Genesis 3 to see the results of the compromises made by Adam and Eve. David lost the kingdom he loved. He faced great rebellion from his sons. And he lost the son he had by Bathsheba.

But that is not the end of the story. God’s amazing grace is available to all. God still loved David. He was still in the ancestral line for Jesus. God did not disown him. Neither does God do that for us. He does not disown us. He desires to restore our hearts and spirits. We may face the consequences, but He does not stop loving us.

God still loves the singer who confessed. They still have remarkable grace and a place in the kingdom of God. They can repent, change, and make good decisions that will direct them to a positive space of emotional, mental, and spiritual health. But they have to make good decisions.

So, let me ask you?

·      What steps and decisions have you made that might lead you to compromise?

·      What do you need to change in your life that would redirect you toward a healthy space?

·      Where do you need to confront someone who is living in a way that is not unhealthy? How would you do this?

·      Are the actions you are taking honoring God or dishonoring His will? Think about this about write down your thoughts.

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June 21, 2025 · 8:50 am

Being Seen and Heard

Dr. Bob Odom

One of my life lessons is that people want to be seen and heard. Since the dawn of humanity, humans have desired to be seen and heard. They want to be valued. From the time one is born, there is an innate longing and desire for acceptance. Babies cry for attention, food, and diaper changes. They want to be seen and heard. And in their immaturity, crying is the only tool at their disposal.

Beyond infancy, this primal yearning explains why society often erupts into movements and voices raised in unison. Whether it is a plea for justice, equality, or simply a better way of life, these collective actions are fueled by the desire to ensure no voice is lost in the crowd, no face fades into obscurity. When people feel unseen or unheard, they become restless, sometimes desperate, and often resilient in demanding the world to take notice.

As I was thinking about this, I thought about many of the protests around the country. There are protests for and against Trump. There are protests for and against Israel/Palestine. There are protests for and against abortion and women’s rights. There are many reasons for this, but one reason is that people want to be heard and seen.

As I was reading Matthew 6 this week, I was surprised by what I saw. I was drawn specifically to the verses (6:5-8) that came just before the Lord’s Prayer. For some reason, I felt sympathy for the characters represented in these verses. Let me share what I mean with you. Normally, when I read this passage, I feel judgment and a bit of pride that I am not like them. But then I suddenly realized that they wanted to be heard and seen.  

When Jesus presents this story, he says, “Do not pray like the hypocrites or the Gentiles.” The hypocrites do so for a show. They want to be seen. The Gentiles do so to be heard. In times past, I have read this and, like many of us, cast off the hypocrites and Gentiles, but as I read this passage this time, I was moved that in reality, the hypocrites wanted to be seen while the Gentiles wanted to be heard. Their way of achieving this was not right, but their need was real. 

I know in the depths of my heart that is what I want. I want to be seen, heard, and understood. When this does not happen, I isolate myself or become hyper vigilant about getting people to see and listen to me. I become very self-focused and less focused on hearing and seeing others.

It is at this moment in the passage that Jesus makes a transition. He wants us to know that He sees and hears us. He knows us, and in prayer, he already knows what we need. He suggests that we go into our closet of prayer (bedroom, dining room table, couch, or other place we commit to prayer) and pray in secret, and God will hear and bless us in the open.

What a relief to know that I am seen and heard. God sees me. He hears me. And when I draw near to him in the solace of devotion and prayer, I witness the outward expressions of that in my life. I do not have to work it up and pray it through my wordiness or a display before others.

I found these beautiful words and will close with them. “The beauty of being both seen and heard lies not in grand gestures or public displays, but in quiet moments of connection. It can be found in a kind word that acknowledges someone’s effort, in eyes meeting across a room to share a mutual understanding, or in the simple act of holding space for someone to share their story. These are the sacred exchanges that remind us that we are not invisible, not forgotten.”

So, let me ask you?

·      Where do you strive to be seen or heard? Is it at home? Is it at work? Is it with your friends? Explain why?

·      What emotions do you exhibit when you don’t feel seen or heard?

·      How do you respond when you are not being seen or heard?

·      What biases or prejudices keep you from seeing and hearing others?

·      How can you improve your ability to see and hear others?

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May 21, 2025 · 5:43 pm

Complacency and the Burning Bushes in Our Lives

Dr. Bob Odom Ph. D.

One of my favorite stories in the Old Testament is the story of Moses encountering a burning bush. The amazing part of this story is that the bush continues to burn without being consumed. Moses lived in the desert, and while not a usual occurrence, there were times when bushes and shrubs would ignite through spontaneous combustion. But in these instances, the bush would burn and be destroyed in minutes.

This bush, however, did not burn up but continued to burn. This phenomenon intrigued Moses, who was attracted to it. But as God often does, He prepares Divine opportunities to teach and focus our attention. God used something from desert life to get Moses’ attention.

If this had happened to me, I would have been intrigued and would have explored the reasons why the bush was not being consumed. I would have examined the cause and source of the fire, trying to figure out why it was not burning up. In fact, it is possible that I could have been so focused on the bush that I would have missed what God was saying.

Moses was busy. He was attending to the sheep, raising a family, and possibly licking his wounds from his rejection in Egypt. For forty years, he was isolated and living the opposite of what he experienced in Egypt. He had no political power, financial security, or prestige, but he was enjoying his life and had settled into the daily routine.

But then this happens. The bush is burning, and God speaks. He speaks and calls Moses to be the deliverer of the people of God. This causes Moses to react, and he begins to give every excuse under the sun for why he cannot do this. I cannot speak. I stutter. I get nervous. One by one, God clicks off all of these excuses and gives Moses a solution to his objections.

Complacency, a state of self-satisfaction that leads to a lack of progress, can often creep into our lives. I wonder if there was a level of comfort that Moses had developed. He was accustomed to watching the sheep and raising his family. I know that for me, I can become complacent and comfortable in my life. I can become complacent and comfortable doing even good things. I can raise my family, do “God’s” work, and more. These are wonderful things, but sometimes I need a push to change and do new things. I need a burning bush experience that gets my attention and moves me out of my comfort zone. 

I have seen God do this in me several times. On one occasion, I was pastoring a growing church. We saw some great things happen in the church. I was connected to the fire and EMS community as a chaplain and volunteer. Things were going well until they were not. I had become comfortable.

God was doing something, but I needed a burning bush to realize it. I found myself no longer enjoying the pastoral role. I was tired and did not feel I was accomplishing as much as I needed to (my self-talk). My wife wanted to be closer to the kids and grandkids. All in all, I was facing a burning bush moment in my life. Things were burning, not in a physical sense but in a spiritual sense.

Through it, I heard God’s voice telling me it was time to move and relocate. I, like Moses, made all kinds of excuses. What will people think? How will we support ourselves? What will the future hold? What if people do not believe the reasons we are leaving? What if I do not find anything that I can do?

Yes, we moved. We moved without a job, a house, or a ministry to go to. But God came through big time. Today, I have the privilege of serving a Nursing Home three days a week as their Pastoral Care Director. I serve six companies around Richmond as a chaplain. Through our church, I get to meet with people and help mentor them to be who God has called them to be. I get to partner with my wife through disciplining others.

Before the burning bush in my life, I was complacent and stagnant. Now I am on the move and free to be the person God called me to be. I am enjoying life again. I am seeing God move in ways that only come from God.

I am not sure what the future holds, but I trust God. Perhaps I will write about and share stories about grief. Perhaps I will tell my story. Perhaps I will help out our church and be more involved with hospital care. Perhaps I will continue to help men develop and grow as men. Who knows? Well, actually, God knows, and that is all I need.

Did I want the burning bush experience? Not necessarily. I liked where I was and what I was doing, but there was a disconnect. Something was not right but I was too complacent to see it. Therefore, the burning bush was the best thing that ever happened to me.

So let me ask you?      

  • Have you become complacent?
  • What needs to change?
  • Where and how are you experiencing a burning bush?
  • What excuses are you giving to God for not doing what He has called you to do?
  • What keeps you from moving forward with what God wants you to do?

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May 7, 2025 · 5:07 pm

What Are the Narratives You Are Listening To?

Dr. Bob Odom

Growing up, I was amazed at the stories my grandmother would tell me. Most of these stories were old wives’ tales, but I believed them because my grandmother told me, and she would never lie (LOL).

I remember she would tell me not to swallow watermelon seeds because watermelons would grow in my stomach. She also said that if I looked at her cross-eyed, my eyes could get stuck, and I would be cross-eyed for the rest of my life. She also told me that if a snapping turtle were to bite me, it would hold on until there was a clap of thunder. As I got older, I realized that these stories were not true. How do I know? For one, I swallowed a watermelon seed and never grew a watermelon in my stomach.

These stories are funny, but as I have gotten older and grown spiritually, I have recognized other stories I have been told that were not true. These stories are more serious because they affected me emotionally and mentally. As these narratives were repeated, I began to believe them as truth. These narratives resulted from my life experiences and what had been spoken into my life.

I am amazed at how often we have narratives that speak to and guide our thoughts and perspectives. Our minds tell us stories that we begin to believe. For example, one narrative I have experienced is that I am not good enough. This narrative caused me to give up and not try. When things got difficult, it was easier for me to run than face failure. Even worse, I sometimes settled for less than the best because I believed I was not good enough and did not deserve it. I would often not even try things because I thought I was not good enough.

I also had a narrative playing in my head that I could not trust people. This narrative was a result of disappointments in relationships. My parents were divorced before I was born, and I was moved from house to house as a child. Throughout life, I have had people make promises they never kept. I felt I had been used to accomplish other people’s purposes, only to be dropped as soon as they attained their goals.

The result is that I believed I could not trust people. I could not believe their word and would go into relationships, waiting for rejection and broken promises. What made this hard was that I wanted to trust. I wanted to believe that this person would keep their word. The result was that it became hard to make long-term relationships. When I thought that I was being used (true or not), I would bail from the relationship, justifying that I deserved better.

I now understand that these lies prevented me from achieving the best in my life. I would fear failure and think I was not good enough. But that was a lie because I am a creation of God. I have a purpose, and God ordains that purpose.

These lies were happening even when I was leading some great organizations. I was doing good things, but inside, the battle of not feeling good enough or waiting for the next shoe to drop was very real. Even as I write this article, I am fighting the battle of what if it is not good enough. What if no one likes it? And better yet, what if people criticize it?  

To overcome this, I must rewrite the stories in my head. I must write a new narrative focusing on what can be and not what is not. We do this by identifying the negative narratives. One exercise is to pay attention to the thoughts that frequently run through your mind. What is the narrative being played out? Is it fear? Is it rejection? Is it self-criticalness? Is it feeling less than what you have been created to be? These are just a few negative narratives that can hold us back from our potential.

Understanding these narratives is critical because we can determine their validity once the negative narratives are identified. We can decide which presuppositions are based on truth and which are based on unhealthy assumptions. The question that needs to be answered is whether these narratives are building up or preventing us from living up to our potential.  

Once this is accomplished, we can rewrite the negative narratives and build on the positive ones. One exercise is to write a new narrative. I mean this literally. Put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and write what life would look like if this were not the narrative we were listening to. For example, when I feel that I am not good enough, I need to follow the narrative that I am created in God’s image and have been trained in healthy ways.

Remember, this process of rewriting narratives will not be perfected overnight. It takes time, so be patient with yourself. Practice self-compassion and self-forgiveness. When these negative narratives pop up unexpectedly, acknowledge them, but don’t let them dictate your actions. Because you have identified and know what they are, it will be easier to live by narratives based on truth and reality over time. You are not alone in this journey, and you have the power to change your narrative.

Finally, remember that you have the power to agree with Scripture. Ephesians 4:20-24 makes this proclamation of truth. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. By aligning with these positive beliefs, you can transform your narrative and live up to your full potential.

So, let me ask you.

  • What are the narratives playing in your mind?
  • How do these narratives affect you?
  • Evaluate the narratives in your life and determine why you believe the narrative. In other words, what drives the narrative in your mind?
  • How can you rewrite the narratives being played out right now so that they focus on Christ and a healthy outcome?

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April 4, 2025 · 12:49 pm

Jesus Has Not Come Yet!

Dr. Robert W. Odom

In the writings of Matthew, Mark, and John, there is an account of Jesus walking on water. In particular, John’s account has a statement that caught my attention. While facing darkness and a coming storm, the disciples said, “Jesus has not come yet.” The question that came to me was, “How many times has it felt like Jesus was not showing up when we needed Him?”

There have been numerous instances in my life when I felt the absence of Jesus. Not too long ago, I found myself in a season that seemed almost unbearable. Promises felt unfulfilled, and the weight of expectations was relentless. I felt overlooked, and my worth was not recognized. All this unfolded while I lacked the necessary physical and emotional support to accomplish the mandate I had been given.

I must admit that, even though I was a follower of Christ, I felt like Jesus was not yet present. I felt I needed answers. I needed support, but it was not happening. There was a storm in my life, and fear arose from the crashing waves of change. We knew we would make it to the other side, but it was still scary and fearful. At times, it felt as though Jesus was not present.

If you have lived for a long time, I am sure you have experienced those moments when you questioned where Jesus is. He has not shown up yet. He seems to be a long way away. Often, our prayers feel ineffective, and we become confused.

But what I’ve come to understand is that Jesus was always there, even when I couldn’t see Him. He revealed Himself at the perfect moment. It’s significant that this story is recounted in three of the Gospels. In Matthew’s version, Peter dares to walk on water to meet Jesus. Jesus invites Him, and Peter steps out of the boat, moving towards Jesus.

Well, that is, until he looked down and saw and felt the waves lapping at His feet. In an instant, he fell into the water. One moment, he is walking on water, and the next, he is bobbing up and down in the water. The amazing thing is that Jesus does not ignore this, but He reaches down and lifts Peter out of the water. I believe that Jesus and Peter walked back to the boat.   

So, what does this teach us? Even when we can’t see God, He is working within us and for us. The writer of Hebrews beautifully articulates this, ‘Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.’ We may not always perceive God amid our struggles, but we can be sure of His presence. He is working in us, paving the way. It’s worth noting that the Sea of Galilee, the setting for this event, was about eight miles wide. This means that Jesus had walked over 4 miles on the water, showing up long before the disciples saw Him in the storm.

Whatever storm you may face, remember that Jesus is with you. He will show up. Keep your focus on Him, not on the storm. The storm is real, and the waves are powerful, but Jesus has the power to calm the storm. In the process, we can learn some incredible lessons that can change our lives. So, how can we maintain our faith during the storm? We do so by keeping our eyes on Jesus, by remembering His promises, and by trusting that He is in control.

I love the quote by Martin Luther. It says, If I did not see that the Lord kept watch over the ship, I should long since have abandoned the helm. But I see Him! Through the storm, strengthening the tackle, handling the yards, spreading the sails – yes, more, commanding the very winds! Should I not be a coward if I abandoned my post? Let Him govern, let Him carry us forward, let Him hasten or delay; we will fear nothing!

So let me ask you:

  1. What storms are you currently facing?
  2. Where does it feel that Jesus needs to show up and has not yet? Be specific.
  3. Where have you seen Jesus show up before?
  4. What emotions do you experience during a storm?
  5. How many times have you stepped out in faith and focused on the storm more than Jesus?

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March 28, 2025 · 3:24 pm

Do You Want to Be Healed?

Dr. Robert W. Odom

In the New Testament, there is a story of Jesus encountering a man who had been disabled for over 38 years. He lived around the pool of Bethesda. Around the pool, many also had disabilities. They were lame, blind, and paralyzed.

When Jesus encounters the man, a discussion ensues, and the man tells his story. When the angel stirs the waters of the pool, the first person to enter the water is healed. He continues his story, saying that when the pool is stirred, there is no one to help him into the water.

At that moment, Jesus asks one of the most critical questions. “Do you want to be healed?” One would think that, given his familiarity with the pool, his knowledge of its features, and the duration of his disability, he would say yes. Instead, he began to make excuses. There is no one to help me. I don’t have the strength to do it myself. Someone beats me to it. All of these are valid answers and truthful ones. But he did not answer the question, “Do you want to be healed?”

Today, we can be asked the same question. Do you want to be healed? I am not sure what you’re experiencing. Is it trauma? Is it addiction? Is it anger? Is it bad decision-making? Is it bad relationships?  Whatever it may be, we must address this question. Do you want to be healed? Do you want to get better? Do you want to be whole?

The problem for many of us is that we dislike where we are, but we are reluctant to take steps to heal. This could be for several reasons. We may have been in this space for so long that we make excuses for not moving toward helping. This is just the way I am. It is too hard to change. This is how it will always be. There is no hope for change.

One reason is the fear of what it will look like. We have become so accustomed to whatever issue we have that it begins to form and shape us. It becomes a part of who we are. If we are not careful, the problem can begin to define us. We are drug addicts. We are sex addicts. Our trauma binds us. We are grieving. When we allow the past to define us, we begin to believe that is the way we are, and there is no hope. We do not know what to do with life apart from the difficulty we face.

I do not want to minimize what you are experiencing. Because what you are experiencing is real, and it is painful. It hurts, and hope is a distant concept. For some, this has been a long process. And there appears to be no end to the hurt and pain.

But there is hope. We can change. We can move from being defined by our past to becoming what God has called us to be. It starts with admitting that we need help. We need others to engage in our lives. This is not so they will do for us what we need to do but that they will encourage and support us in our journey.

Early in my journey with Christ, I dealt with anger. I was generally a confident and emotionally stable person. However, I would bury things emotionally. I had developed this emotional response because of my experiences with my family and the abuse I encountered with my stepfather.

During this season of my life, I have a tendency to fly off the handle and express my anger in hurtful ways. I would not lash out physically, but I would undoubtedly express my feelings verbally. Or I would isolate myself and close everyone out. However, I could not continue living my life this way. I began to fear that at some point, I would do something out of anger that I would regret and could not undo.

For years, I justified my anger. I accepted that the anger I had was a part of who I was. In essence, it was defining me. But I began to have a conviction that this was an area of my life that needed healing. So, I began a process of healing, which started with the decision to want to be healed. From there, the rest unfolded.

How about you today? Where do you need healing? Where do you need the transformative power of God’s love to engage you? Where do you need change? It begins by admitting that we need healing. Then, God will do His part, and we will do ours. Remember, the first step to healing is acknowledging the need for it. Once you do, the journey to transformation begins.

Notice Jesus said to take up your bed and walk. What a powerful test of faith. Here is the amazing thing to me. This man who had been paralyzed for 38 years does exactly what Jesus tells him, and he gets up. He walks. This is the power of faith in action, showing us that we can overcome any challenge with belief and determination.

So let me ask you,

  • Where do you need healing?
  • How has this issue defined you?
  • What fears do you have that need to be addressed?
  • Who can you share your need with?
  • How would your life be different if this were no longer an issue for you?

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