Monthly Archives: July 2023

July 18, 2023 · 11:24 am

Somewhere I Belong

Robert Odom Ph. D.

I do not know why I have been drawn to some songs lately, but I have. These songs have spoken volumes to me. I recently heard an old song by Linkin Park. Yes, Linkin Park. Please don’t judge me. The song was “Somewhere I Belong.” These are the words.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long

(Erase all of the pain ‘til its gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real

I wanna find something all along

Somewhere I belong.

As I listened to the song and thought about the words of the song, I could not help but ask a question. How many people feel they need a place to belong? How many are hurting and want to find a place of connection? They want to join a community where they are accepted and heard. They want to belong. They want a safe place to deal with the pain they are experiencing.

I cannot help but believe that many today seek a safe place to belong. A place where they can connect. A place where they can be authentic about their pain.

The fact is that, too often, we do not know what those around us are experiencing. For many people, we do not see the pain they experience but only know the surface emotions they express. They have become good at hiding their pain because of the reactions they receive. We do not know the rejection and sorrow deep within their spirit and soul.

But what would happen if we really cared about those around us? What if we listened intently to their stories? What if we allowed them to share their pain and their struggles? And what if we did so without judgment or condemnation? What if we earned the right to speak into their lives by listening and building trust? What if we did so without patented answers that put everyone into the same category?

So many organizations and people claim to be a safe place for people to speak their hearts. Unfortunately, too often, when people share their stories, some bristle. Some unintentionally judge and criticize the person rather than accepting them where they are. Please note that I am not saying we should not speak into people’s lives, but we must use wisdom. Too often, we want to give solutions when we do not know the problems or the emotions people might be sorting through. It is like treating an infection with aspirin rather than an antibiotic.

People are hurting, and they want a place to connect. To belong is a critical aspect of living as we have been created with the need to belong. To belong is an important part of our life, growth, and development. Belonging is crucial to our satisfaction, mental well-being, and physical health. When we belong, even our longevity is increased. Therefore, belonging is a critical part of living life. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of the needs of humankind is to belong. People will seek to belong, and many issues arise when that is not realized.

The difficulty is that some looking to connect only sometimes do so in healthy ways. Too often, they will try too hard and alienate people in the process. For others, they will be so introvertish that they will not communicate much at all. For others, they may become clingy and enter our personal space. This makes some people uncomfortable. But be patient with them.

I will add that this is not only an issue for the down and out but also for those who appear well-to-do. This need to belong is an issue regardless of social status or the amount of wealth one has. This applies to those on the street to those living in a mansion. We all need to belong to something that brings life and hope. 

So how do we help people belong? First, we need to observe those who need connection. We need to listen to their needs and the issues they face. We cannot force connections but provide a safe place for people to connect. We can love people and listen to them.

Be more available to listen than give advice. Too often, we want to interject our opinions before we hear the heart of the person looking to connect. In so doing, we miss opportunities to help people connect.

It is interesting that in the song, they say they want something real. I believe this is critical. People want real environments that are safe, but also, they want authentic relationships. They do not want to feel like they are a project but that people really care.

It is not what we say but our actions that are critical. We speak, but we put our words into action. We love because we want to see people connect and find a safe place where they can work out their problems. We can be the catalysts for that to happen.  

In Scripture, it is not a mistake that we read that you are my disciples when we love one another. Jesus’ command in John 13:34-35 was that we love one another. Jesus also summed up our belief structure in two commands. Love God. Love others. To do so, we love others as Jesus did. He went to the outcast (the woman at the well, the woman accused of adultery, the leper, and so on). For that reason, he was accused of eating with sinners. May we be accused of that as we allow for a safe place for people to find connections and a place to belong.

So let me ask you:

  1. What kind of space do you give those who are hurting? Is it a safe place or one of judgment? Explain this.
  2. Do you allow people to share their hurt and pain? If not, what needs to change?
  3. Are you quick to offer advice without hearing people’s problems? If so, how can you change this and be a better listener?
  4. What do you think it means to love others? How do you identify with this command of Jesus? Do you everyone or just a select group?
  5. If you struggle with these questions, pray, meditate, and journal your feelings. Find someone to talk to about these feelings.

© Robert W. Odom 2013

Somewhere I Belong

Robert Odom Ph. D.

I do not know why I have been drawn to some songs lately, but I have. These songs have spoken volumes to me. I recently heard an old song by Linkin Park. Yes, Linkin Park. Please don’t judge me. The song was “Somewhere I Belong.” These are the words.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long

(Erase all of the pain ‘til its gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real

I wanna find something all along

Somewhere I belong.

As I listened to the song and thought about the words of the song, I could not help but ask a question. How many people feel they need a place to belong? How many are hurting and want to find a place of connection? They want to join a community where they are accepted and heard. They want to belong. They want a safe place to deal with the pain they are experiencing.

I cannot help but believe that many today seek a safe place to belong. A place where they can connect. A place where they can be authentic about their pain.

The fact is that, too often, we do not know what those around us are experiencing. For many people, we do not see the pain they experience but only know the surface emotions they express. They have become good at hiding their pain because of the reactions they receive. We do not know the rejection and sorrow deep within their spirit and soul.

But what would happen if we really cared about those around us? What if we listened intently to their stories? What if we allowed them to share their pain and their struggles? And what if we did so without judgment or condemnation? What if we earned the right to speak into their lives by listening and building trust? What if we did so without patented answers that put everyone into the same category?

So many organizations and people claim to be a safe place for people to speak their hearts. Unfortunately, too often, when people share their stories, some bristle. Some unintentionally judge and criticize the person rather than accepting them where they are. Please note that I am not saying we should not speak into people’s lives, but we must use wisdom. Too often, we want to give solutions when we do not know the problems or the emotions people might be sorting through. It is like treating an infection with aspirin rather than an antibiotic.

People are hurting, and they want a place to connect. To belong is a critical aspect of living as we have been created with the need to belong. To belong is an important part of our life, growth, and development. Belonging is crucial to our satisfaction, mental well-being, and physical health. When we belong, even our longevity is increased. Therefore, belonging is a critical part of living life. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of the needs of humankind is to belong. People will seek to belong, and many issues arise when that is not realized.

The difficulty is that some looking to connect only sometimes do so in healthy ways. Too often, they will try too hard and alienate people in the process. For others, they will be so introvertish that they will not communicate much at all. For others, they may become clingy and enter our personal space. This makes some people uncomfortable. But be patient with them.

I will add that this is not only an issue for the down and out but also for those who appear well-to-do. This need to belong is an issue regardless of social status or the amount of wealth one has. This applies to those on the street to those living in a mansion. We all need to belong to something that brings life and hope. 

So how do we help people belong? First, we need to observe those who need connection. We need to listen to their needs and the issues they face. We cannot force connections but provide a safe place for people to connect. We can love people and listen to them.

Be more available to listen than give advice. Too often, we want to interject our opinions before we hear the heart of the person looking to connect. In so doing, we miss opportunities to help people connect.

It is interesting that in the song, they say they want something real. I believe this is critical. People want real environments that are safe, but also, they want authentic relationships. They do not want to feel like they are a project but that people really care.

It is not what we say but our actions that are critical. We speak, but we put our words into action. We love because we want to see people connect and find a safe place where they can work out their problems. We can be the catalysts for that to happen.  

In Scripture, it is not a mistake that we read that you are my disciples when we love one another. Jesus’ command in John 13:34-35 was that we love one another. Jesus also summed up our belief structure in two commands. Love God. Love others. To do so, we love others as Jesus did. He went to the outcast (the woman at the well, the woman accused of adultery, the leper, and so on). For that reason, he was accused of eating with sinners. May we be accused of that as we allow for a safe place for people to find connections and a place to belong.

So let me ask you:

  1. What kind of space do you give those who are hurting? Is it a safe place or one of judgment? Explain this.
  2. Do you allow people to share their hurt and pain? If not, what needs to change?
  3. Are you quick to offer advice without hearing people’s problems? If so, how can you change this and be a better listener?
  4. What do you think it means to love others? How do you identify with this command of Jesus? Do you everyone or just a select group?
  5. If you struggle with these questions, pray, meditate, and journal your feelings. Find someone to talk to about these feelings.

© Robert W. Odom 2013

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , ,

July 6, 2023 · 2:27 pm

I Need A Favor

Robert W. Odom Ph. D.

As many of you know, I love to take illustrations from life to make Biblical statements. I recently heard a song on the radio that made me think about grief and prayer. The song is “I Need A Favor” by Jelly Roll. It is an interesting song because the singer is transparent about the struggle to have a marginal relationship with God. This struggle is highlighted by how some only pray during a major crisis. Because of the struggles one has, they wonder if God will hear them. Sometimes all we can do is throw up Hail Mary prayers and hope God hears them.

We can feel that way when we face traumatic events that lead to grief. We want to pray but know we have yet to do so consistently. We have only prayed when we have a crisis; now that we have a crisis, we are afraid God will not answer.  We are worried that if we pray, God will not hear us. But let me assure you that He does. He will answer.

Grief is confusing enough without the guilt or feeling that we are not a good person or are not praying enough. The fact is that many people do not think God accepts them. They do not feel good enough. So instead of turning to God, they turn elsewhere to find relief.

Unfortunately, the church has not done much to help this scenario as they sometimes make you feel you must be a part of the club for God to listen to you. We think we must be a part of the in-crowd of Jesus to be accepted. The church does not always intend to do this, but we can make people feel like they are second-class citizens and need to rise to a certain level before they can pray or seek God. I do not include every church in this because I do not want to broad-brush the church. Some congregations see the need to accept people right where they are. They are doing this and they are reaching people with grace and mercy.

When I was younger, I attended a “revival” service, and a young couple went to the altar in response to the call. She was wearing a halter top and hot pants. He had cut-off jeans and a T-shirt. I was amazed that the evangelist instructed the couple to go home and change clothes. The man was to cut his hair. If they did this, they could return, and he would lead them in the sinner’s prayer.

Let me say this. There are so many things wrong with this on so many levels. It is no wonder that Jelly Roll has penned the words he has.  The church can unintentionally (and intentionally) set up roadblocks. But, I find that Jesus was accused of eating with sinners. He went to the lowly and the confused. He went to the woman at the well, who was rejected on many levels. He went to the demon-possessed. He went to the Samaritan, who had been rejected by the religious organization of Jesus’ day. I could go on but you get the picture.

With that said, I wonder how many never approach God or the church because of guilt and fear of acceptance. How many people reject God because of what the church has done? I also wonder what would happen if we made churches safe places for people to reach out. What would our communities look like if we permitted people to be who they are and meet God where they are? This does not mean we compromise the gospel, but rather it enables the power of the gospel to reach all people. Rather than roadblocks we need to be avenues for people to reach out to God.

Finally, if you find yourself in the position of being afraid of asking God for anything, let me say God accepts you right where you are. You do not have to pass an entrance exam. If you pray, He will hear you. This means wherever you are; he will be there. Whatever you have done, He will listen. Give it a try and see what happens.

So let me ask you:

  • What would your church look like if it were a safe place for all people to meet with God?
  • What in your life needs to change to be more accepting and less judgmental of others?
  • What are you holding back because you fear what the church or religious organization will do if the truth is exposed?
  • If you are afraid of not being accepted by the church or the people, continue to search for a church that provides a safe place. They are out there. What would that church look like for you?

© Robert W. Odom 2023

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,