Robert W. Odom, Ph. D.
As a child (I was eight years old), one of my chores was to take the garbage can to the curb. Of course, this always happened after dark. As I think about it now, I laugh. I would creep down the driveway as slowly as I could. I would look all around to ensure nothing was about to jump out at me. Every noise would cause me to stop, and I could feel my heart racing because I was afraid that something would jump out at me. I would run back to the house as fast as I could when I got the can to the end of the driveway. My mom, who thought she was funny, would lock the door so I could not get in. I guess that is what I can blame all my issues on (LOL). That was a moment filled with fear for me.
Fear is a natural response to the unknown. We do not know what will happen to us. We do not know what the future will hold. We do not know how we will get out of our mess. We fear what we do not know. At times, our fears are based on previous issues that have not gone well. We have had failed relationships, so we struggle with building significant relationships because we fear they will not work out. We fear doing anything because we might fail.
Fear is also based on what we cannot control. For example, we cannot control what people will say or do. We cannot control what will happen in the future or even the next few moments. And yet, we spend unnecessary time worrying. It is noteworthy, however, that much of what we fear never happens. Some studies say that 94% of what we worry about today will not occur. Therefore, we spend too much time worrying about things that will never impact us.
When we face grief or traumatic events, we can be filled with fear. Questions and doubts about the future can swirl around us. We can fear how we will survive life without our loved ones. We can have financial fears that haunt us day and night. We can fear future relationships as we do not feel that anyone can replace the one we lost. We fear that we will feel empty for the rest of our lives.
All of these are normal emotions that come with grief. When we encounter grief or experience a traumatic event, we can feel that our life is over and there is no hope. But let me share a few ideas that might help us.
First, be real with your fears. Admit them and talk about them with someone who will listen without judgment. This allows us to confront the fear and not push it away. Acknowledging the fear and putting a name to it helps begin the healing process. This may go something like this. I have a fear of, and then fill in the blank. Journaling can help with this process. It might be writing a letter to yourself where you describe your fears. There are many ways to address the fears. Find one that works for you.
Second, once you admit and name the fear, you can evaluate its weight. Here is what I mean. How real is the fear, and what are the possibilities that what you fear will happen? There are real fears and real concerns that can haunt us. In these cases, we must find counsel to minimize these fears. If it is a financial fear, contact a financial advisor for help. Contact a lawyer who can advise you if it is a legal issue. If it is spiritual, contact a pastor or Christian counselor to discuss this fear. I think you get the point: talk with someone. But make sure the person you speak with can help you. I guess your friends will give you their ideas about what to do. They can mean well, but they might not provide the proper counsel. This is the case even with great friends. Just read the story of Job in the Old Testament.
Third, trust God that He has it under control. When dealing with fear, we can feel that God has forgotten us. But know that God is still present. I love Psalm 46. I know that I have shared this passage many times, but it speaks life to so many who are dealing with grief and pain. David pens these words to illustrate his life after his world was turned upside down. In Psalm 46, he describes the mountains falling into the seas. He talks about the rivers roaring. That is what grief, trauma, and fear can feel like. Everything is falling apart, and your world will never be the same. While this is true, David reminds us that we do not have to fear these things because God is there to help us. He is a refuge and a place to find relief. At the end of the passage, David encourages us to “Be still and know that I am God.” The key is that God does not change. Even when it does not feel like it, He is there.
What a challenge for us! This is sometimes easier said than done. But David is communicating that no matter what happens to us or around us, God is still God. He does not change, and He is always there for us. We can have confidence in that statement of faith.
This is not an easy subject, and my time for this post is not enough to deal with everything associated with fear, but I hope these steps will be a starting place. My best advice is to find someone you trust to discuss your feelings. Journal your thoughts. Begin the process of healing. It may take time, but it is worth the process, and you establish a new normal in life.
So let me ask you.
- What fears are you dealing with right now? Be as specific as possible.
- What has caused you to have these fears?
- Who can you talk to about what you are experiencing?
- Think about your past and the unrealized fears you might have had. Describe these fears.
- Where do you struggle with God being always present to help? Describe how this feels for you.
- Celebrate the positives and steps you take toward healing. This is an excellent place to journal your fears and your successes against fear.
©Robert W. Odom 2023
Life on the edge 