Robert Odom PhD
Today, I want to focus on navigating the holidays when we are grieving. These will not be hard and fast rules, but hopefully, they will aid those facing this Christmas season without their loved ones. While everyone else is celebrating, there is an ache in your heart. This ache and your grief come from a place of loss because someone you love is no longer with you. This is a natural and human response to grief, and it is okay to feel a range of emotions during this time.
How do we navigate grief? First, we must understand that each of us has a unique journey through grief. We all handle it differently, and this can even vary within the same family. Some may feel the need to celebrate, while others may seem less affected by the loss, and some may be deeply impacted. It is all part of the individual’s unique process of healing.
The key point here is to be honest with yourself and with others. What are your expectations for this Christmas? Are you ready emotionally and physically to celebrate as you have in the past? Or do you prefer to scale down the rituals of Christmas? This does not mean that we do not focus on the gift of Christ but rather on the rituals of Christmas. This brings us to a second way to navigate the Holiday season.
It’s crucial to set boundaries and refrain from doing things you’re not ready for. You know your capacity and desire to celebrate. Give yourself the freedom not to do everything as you had in the past. It is okay not to have a tree or a large gathering of people. You may be ready for that next year. If you are not prepared to attend certain events, saying no is okay. You can always leave early if it becomes too overwhelming. Remember, your feelings and needs are valid, and setting boundaries is a powerful way to take control of your holiday experience.
Thirdly, it is essential to communicate your needs and expectations for the holidays. Whether it is through a letter, a family meeting, or any other means, make sure to express your feelings. This way, there will be no surprises, and you will feel more in control of the situation. Remember, it is better to communicate sooner rather than later.
When communicating, you can discuss your emotions and what you are feeling at the given moment. You can describe what you feel you are ready to do and how much you are willing to do it. You can also process any new rituals you may desire, such as lighting a candle in memory of your loved one or creating a memory board.
Fourth, connect with others. This may seem contrary to what we discussed earlier, but it may be helpful to connect with others. Go to church, volunteer, or do whatever is right for you. Sometimes, in grief, we isolate, and that can deepen our grief responses. By connecting, we are moving to a space where we feel that we are not alone.
The key to all of this is to be honest with ourselves. It is okay to do what you can to connect in new ways and start new rituals if necessary. Remember that God loves you and wants to help you navigate the emotional responses to the holiday. Be honest with yourself about your feelings, your needs, and your capacity to celebrate. Your experience is valid, and navigating the holidays in a way that feels right for you is okay.
So let me ask you.
- What are your expectations for the Christmas season?
- How can you communicate these expectations to your family, friends, and coworkers?
- What activities do you feel ready to connect to? What does that look like to you?
- What boundaries do you need to set for this year?
Life on the edge 