Robert W. Odom Ph. D.
As I continue to study grief and trauma, I am amazed at how we have been created. David states that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14). The brain that God created is an amazing work of creative genius, but that is God. It is literally more powerful than any computer.
While we have been created with an amazing brain, the brain can be impacted when it is confronted with grief or trauma. For many people, they can adjust, and the impact is minimal. However, the effect is more severe for others, and it is hard for them to recover after severe traumatic events.
After experiencing trauma, certain parts of the brain begin to shut down. The deactivation of certain brain parts causes other brain areas to be impacted. For example, when trauma is experienced, the left hemisphere is deactivated. This affects our ability to logically make sense of what is happening and then be able to put these experiences into words.
It is as if the brain cannot get past the pain experienced. When this happens, the brain becomes stuck on specific events that arouse negative emotions. These events are remembered in fragments and not the entire experience. Even when progress is made, some stimuli return one’s brain to that place of pain. It could be a smell, a sound, a place, or other stimuli. It is as if the brain is codified to respond to certain stimuli because of one’s past experiences.
Studies show there is scientific data that supports this. When those who have PTSD were tested, the brain scan showed exciting results. Specific brain areas would light up on the monitor when certain words were spoken, or specific pictures were established. The brain responded to the stimuli as if they were experiencing trauma for the first time. Specific brain areas lit up when these stimuli were present, even when the patient was not excited. It occurred simply using a word or a suggestion.[1]
As we enter this Christmas season, while this is a time of celebration for most people, those suffering from the effects of trauma can have a different response. The mind can respond to Christmas in negative ways unconsciously. I used to get depressed at Christmas. Each year, there was a fog that would overwhelm me. I loved the season but could not help but feel depressed and disconnected.
After some time, I met with a counselor, and we discussed this issue. As I began sharing my life story with him, I realized Christmas was not a good childhood memory. My stepdad at Christmas would most often be drunk and would abuse my mom, myself, and my brothers. Physically and emotionally, he would attack us, so much so that the joy of Christmas was lost in the pain we experienced. This impacted me in such negative ways.
I remember one Christmas, he threw our gifts around the living room and screamed that we did not appreciate what he had purchased with his hard-earned money. The truth is it was my mom that had worked hard to buy us the gifts. His money was consumed with alcohol and gambling. When my mom would defend us, he would punch and hit my mom. Although she tried to hide it, blood would be evident on her face. This made me feel so sad that Christmas was not a happy time.
Working with the counselor, I was able to identify this as one of the root causes of my grief and depression. Once I recognized the core driver of my depression, it helped me to identify and name it so that it was not an abstract problem. In years to come, I could rewrite the story of Christmas in my mind and begin to write a story of grace and truth. After a few years of doing this, I could navigate Christmas without being depressed and angry.
There are many ways to respond to negative stimuli. We must be able to identify and name the emotions we are experiencing. Is it fear? Is it anger at what was done to us? Is it a state of depression? Or are there other issues at play?
One of the ways to deal with this is that we need to rewrite our story. Write a different ending to our story. Instead of fear and anxiety, write a story of grace and love. Write a story that ends with the grace of God. The goal is to get unstuck.
By naming the emotions we are experiencing, we can begin to look at the triggers that cause us to respond the way we do. By recognizing that I was depressed because of the way my stepdad acted at Christmas, I was able to transform my mind and focus on the positive aspects of Christmas. I can remember the first Christmas that I made it through the season without any significant depression.
Finally, prayer was a critical part of the healing process. While it was essential to rewrite my story, name the emotions that I was experiencing, and recognize the triggers that caused me to respond negatively, prayer is also critical. Prayer has a healing component. Prayer focuses on the power of God to transform our minds and reposition us to lean into healthy responses.
I will close with what one writer wrote recently: Rewriting your stuck story when dealing with trauma is a challenging but essential process. By understanding the power of our story, recognizing our triggers, reframing our perspective, practicing self-compassion, seeking support, and taking action, we can break free from the negative cycle and create a new, positive narrative for ourselves. (Author Unknown).
So let me ask you:
- Do you experience negative emotions today from past experiences? Be specific.
- To the degree that you can, name the emotions you are experiencing. This may not be easy but start with the ones you know.
- How would you rewrite your story? For example, in my case what would a Christmas look like without being depressed?
- Can you set aside time to pray and meditate? You may need to purposely plan some time to do so.
© Robert W. Odom 2023
[1] Von Der Kolk, Bessel, The Body Keeps the Score, Penguin Random House, 2014, pp 37-41.
Life on the edge 