Robert W. Odom
March 9, 2023
In my last post, I discussed the ability of the brain to rewire itself. This is known as neuroplasticity. Today let’s dig deeper into this subject. As we grow and experience emotional events, we are generally shaped by those events. These unchecked events determine too often how we will respond to future events. These emotional events rewire our brains to react differently. This is usually a defensive mechanism meant to protect us but harms us in the long run.
Interestingly, studies show that babies who are cuddled and held as infants are more emotionally stable. However, the opposite occurs as well. Babies not cuddled or held lag in emotional, mental, and social development. In essence, the brain is wired differently. Many infants never overcome the loss of love at this early age. Their brains are rewired to understand love differently. Throughout life, they struggle to love and get love.
While much can happen in infancy, this can occur in other ways as the child grows. For example, if one grows up in an environment where there is a lack of love being shown, the brain can rewire itself. Let me share a personal illustration. I lived with my mom and stepdad from age six to twelve. My stepdad was an alcoholic and had a temper. He would come home and treat my family horribly. He thought nothing of abusing us emotionally, physically, and mentally.
The result was that I began to feel unwanted. I began to blame myself for what was happening. I began to try and live in a way that would not upset my stepdad. I would hide in my room when he came home. I thought he would leave me alone if I could hide, but that did not happen. I tried to avoid conflict at all costs. I often had a false peacemaker attitude: I would do whatever to bring peace, even if there were no real peace. My brain had been rewired to hide my emotions, be a false peacemaker, and avoid conflict at all costs.
Later in life, as I matured spiritually, I became more aware of these issues, and I started to seek ways to overcome them and rewire my brain to think differently. By avoiding my emotions, I became angry. At the same time, I would internalize my anger and shut down verbally. As I matured, I had to consider why I would handle anger as I did. What made me angry, and why did I respond the way I did?
Because of my faulty wiring, I had to look at ways to rewire my brain. I needed to understand the why and figure out ways to do life differently. So, I began a journey! My journey started with exploring forgiveness. I needed to forgive others, and most of all, I needed to forgive myself. I needed to forgive others as their actions, and words hurt me. I needed to realize that what happened was not my fault. I needed to recognize that while it was painful, I needed to let go of my pain. The place to do that was at the doorway of forgiveness. It was not easy, but necessary.
To forgive does not mean that the other person is not responsible for their actions, but I needed to free myself from their hold on my life. I had not seen my stepdad for over twenty-five years, yet he still controlled me. Forgiveness allowed me to process my false guilt and shame. I blamed myself when I was not the problem. However, it did become a problem when I would get angry. It was a problem when I would shut down and stop communicating. It was a problem when I buried my emotions.
Through the journey of forgiveness, I was able to release my stepdad. I was able to let go of the pain from the past. I was able to forgive myself. I could forgive my mom for allowing this to happen (although it was not her fault). Finally, I could forgive myself for the way I had processed emotional events in the past.
Forgiveness is the beginning of healing. Forgiveness clears the way to start a process of rewiring the brain. It releases us from others controlling us. It allows us to rethink how we respond to others. It is the beginning of no longer hiding our emotions. It is the starting point of releasing ourselves from blame and shame.
Next time we will continue this discussion. In the meantime, let me ask you a couple of questions:
- How has your brain been rewired from past events?
- What has been the result of rewiring your brain? Do you hide your emotions? What emotions are out of control in your life?
- Who, what event, or what controls who you are and how you respond to life?
- Where do you need to forgive others? Yourself?
- What would look differently if you could rewire your brain positively and walk in forgiveness?
- Pray and ask God to reveal these areas of life. Then, ask God to begin a process of forgiveness.
© Robert W. Odom Ph. D. 2003
Life on the edge 