Robert Odom Ph. D.
I do not know why I have been drawn to some songs lately, but I have. These songs have spoken volumes to me. I recently heard an old song by Linkin Park. Yes, Linkin Park. Please don’t judge me. The song was “Somewhere I Belong.” These are the words.
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all of the pain ‘til its gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something all along
Somewhere I belong.
As I listened to the song and thought about the words of the song, I could not help but ask a question. How many people feel they need a place to belong? How many are hurting and want to find a place of connection? They want to join a community where they are accepted and heard. They want to belong. They want a safe place to deal with the pain they are experiencing.
I cannot help but believe that many today seek a safe place to belong. A place where they can connect. A place where they can be authentic about their pain.
The fact is that, too often, we do not know what those around us are experiencing. For many people, we do not see the pain they experience but only know the surface emotions they express. They have become good at hiding their pain because of the reactions they receive. We do not know the rejection and sorrow deep within their spirit and soul.
But what would happen if we really cared about those around us? What if we listened intently to their stories? What if we allowed them to share their pain and their struggles? And what if we did so without judgment or condemnation? What if we earned the right to speak into their lives by listening and building trust? What if we did so without patented answers that put everyone into the same category?
So many organizations and people claim to be a safe place for people to speak their hearts. Unfortunately, too often, when people share their stories, some bristle. Some unintentionally judge and criticize the person rather than accepting them where they are. Please note that I am not saying we should not speak into people’s lives, but we must use wisdom. Too often, we want to give solutions when we do not know the problems or the emotions people might be sorting through. It is like treating an infection with aspirin rather than an antibiotic.
People are hurting, and they want a place to connect. To belong is a critical aspect of living as we have been created with the need to belong. To belong is an important part of our life, growth, and development. Belonging is crucial to our satisfaction, mental well-being, and physical health. When we belong, even our longevity is increased. Therefore, belonging is a critical part of living life. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of the needs of humankind is to belong. People will seek to belong, and many issues arise when that is not realized.
The difficulty is that some looking to connect only sometimes do so in healthy ways. Too often, they will try too hard and alienate people in the process. For others, they will be so introvertish that they will not communicate much at all. For others, they may become clingy and enter our personal space. This makes some people uncomfortable. But be patient with them.
I will add that this is not only an issue for the down and out but also for those who appear well-to-do. This need to belong is an issue regardless of social status or the amount of wealth one has. This applies to those on the street to those living in a mansion. We all need to belong to something that brings life and hope.
So how do we help people belong? First, we need to observe those who need connection. We need to listen to their needs and the issues they face. We cannot force connections but provide a safe place for people to connect. We can love people and listen to them.
Be more available to listen than give advice. Too often, we want to interject our opinions before we hear the heart of the person looking to connect. In so doing, we miss opportunities to help people connect.
It is interesting that in the song, they say they want something real. I believe this is critical. People want real environments that are safe, but also, they want authentic relationships. They do not want to feel like they are a project but that people really care.
It is not what we say but our actions that are critical. We speak, but we put our words into action. We love because we want to see people connect and find a safe place where they can work out their problems. We can be the catalysts for that to happen.
In Scripture, it is not a mistake that we read that you are my disciples when we love one another. Jesus’ command in John 13:34-35 was that we love one another. Jesus also summed up our belief structure in two commands. Love God. Love others. To do so, we love others as Jesus did. He went to the outcast (the woman at the well, the woman accused of adultery, the leper, and so on). For that reason, he was accused of eating with sinners. May we be accused of that as we allow for a safe place for people to find connections and a place to belong.
So let me ask you:
- What kind of space do you give those who are hurting? Is it a safe place or one of judgment? Explain this.
- Do you allow people to share their hurt and pain? If not, what needs to change?
- Are you quick to offer advice without hearing people’s problems? If so, how can you change this and be a better listener?
- What do you think it means to love others? How do you identify with this command of Jesus? Do you everyone or just a select group?
- If you struggle with these questions, pray, meditate, and journal your feelings. Find someone to talk to about these feelings.
© Robert W. Odom 2013
Somewhere I Belong
Robert Odom Ph. D.
I do not know why I have been drawn to some songs lately, but I have. These songs have spoken volumes to me. I recently heard an old song by Linkin Park. Yes, Linkin Park. Please don’t judge me. The song was “Somewhere I Belong.” These are the words.
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all of the pain ‘til its gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something all along
Somewhere I belong.
As I listened to the song and thought about the words of the song, I could not help but ask a question. How many people feel they need a place to belong? How many are hurting and want to find a place of connection? They want to join a community where they are accepted and heard. They want to belong. They want a safe place to deal with the pain they are experiencing.
I cannot help but believe that many today seek a safe place to belong. A place where they can connect. A place where they can be authentic about their pain.
The fact is that, too often, we do not know what those around us are experiencing. For many people, we do not see the pain they experience but only know the surface emotions they express. They have become good at hiding their pain because of the reactions they receive. We do not know the rejection and sorrow deep within their spirit and soul.
But what would happen if we really cared about those around us? What if we listened intently to their stories? What if we allowed them to share their pain and their struggles? And what if we did so without judgment or condemnation? What if we earned the right to speak into their lives by listening and building trust? What if we did so without patented answers that put everyone into the same category?
So many organizations and people claim to be a safe place for people to speak their hearts. Unfortunately, too often, when people share their stories, some bristle. Some unintentionally judge and criticize the person rather than accepting them where they are. Please note that I am not saying we should not speak into people’s lives, but we must use wisdom. Too often, we want to give solutions when we do not know the problems or the emotions people might be sorting through. It is like treating an infection with aspirin rather than an antibiotic.
People are hurting, and they want a place to connect. To belong is a critical aspect of living as we have been created with the need to belong. To belong is an important part of our life, growth, and development. Belonging is crucial to our satisfaction, mental well-being, and physical health. When we belong, even our longevity is increased. Therefore, belonging is a critical part of living life. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of the needs of humankind is to belong. People will seek to belong, and many issues arise when that is not realized.
The difficulty is that some looking to connect only sometimes do so in healthy ways. Too often, they will try too hard and alienate people in the process. For others, they will be so introvertish that they will not communicate much at all. For others, they may become clingy and enter our personal space. This makes some people uncomfortable. But be patient with them.
I will add that this is not only an issue for the down and out but also for those who appear well-to-do. This need to belong is an issue regardless of social status or the amount of wealth one has. This applies to those on the street to those living in a mansion. We all need to belong to something that brings life and hope.
So how do we help people belong? First, we need to observe those who need connection. We need to listen to their needs and the issues they face. We cannot force connections but provide a safe place for people to connect. We can love people and listen to them.
Be more available to listen than give advice. Too often, we want to interject our opinions before we hear the heart of the person looking to connect. In so doing, we miss opportunities to help people connect.
It is interesting that in the song, they say they want something real. I believe this is critical. People want real environments that are safe, but also, they want authentic relationships. They do not want to feel like they are a project but that people really care.
It is not what we say but our actions that are critical. We speak, but we put our words into action. We love because we want to see people connect and find a safe place where they can work out their problems. We can be the catalysts for that to happen.
In Scripture, it is not a mistake that we read that you are my disciples when we love one another. Jesus’ command in John 13:34-35 was that we love one another. Jesus also summed up our belief structure in two commands. Love God. Love others. To do so, we love others as Jesus did. He went to the outcast (the woman at the well, the woman accused of adultery, the leper, and so on). For that reason, he was accused of eating with sinners. May we be accused of that as we allow for a safe place for people to find connections and a place to belong.
So let me ask you:
- What kind of space do you give those who are hurting? Is it a safe place or one of judgment? Explain this.
- Do you allow people to share their hurt and pain? If not, what needs to change?
- Are you quick to offer advice without hearing people’s problems? If so, how can you change this and be a better listener?
- What do you think it means to love others? How do you identify with this command of Jesus? Do you everyone or just a select group?
- If you struggle with these questions, pray, meditate, and journal your feelings. Find someone to talk to about these feelings.
© Robert W. Odom 2013
Life on the edge 