Monthly Archives: January 2023

Transition: Are you in One?

Robert Odom Ph. D.

January 12, 2023             

Through the years, I have been through several transitions. At this stage of my life, I realize that I do not like change and transition. I can get comfortable with where I am and what I am doing. But inevitable change must come. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see change occur and processes move forward when I can control it. But there are times when I struggle with change and transition, especially when it is personal. 

I recently met with a friend, and we discussed the idea of transition over dinner. Our focus was on church transition. But this discussion applies across the different types of organizations. The problem too often is that people resist change because of fear and, unfortunately, pride. As a result, too many stay beyond the time they should in some instances. There is a belief that the ministry or organization would be successful if we could do one more thing. It will reach the purposes needed and designed by God if we can have one more significant event. Sometimes we feel we will let people down if we transition out of leadership. If we had stayed longer, we could have succeeded. I know now that is not always the truth.

As I have thought about this subject, I would like to share some of my thoughts. First, when it is time to transition, I must pray and receive counsel from those who know me but are willing to speak the truth. In the transitions I have navigated, I discussed this with good friends. I tried to remain objective as I shared my story. Each one shared with me that they knew it was time to transition. This was a confirmation of what I was already feeling and surmised. The caution here is to avoid picking people who will say what you want them to. The people in my counseling circle did not fit this bill. They were honest and spoke the truth.

Second, have you lost the grace to lead? This is what I mean by this. Have you lost your joy and zeal to lead the organization? Have you become so discouraged that you no longer have a vision for the organization? These may be symptoms or signs that it is time to transition. Now, I am the first to recognize that sometimes in leading organizations, we lose our zeal and direction. Through retreats, time away, and counseling, the zeal is restored. But I am talking about an ongoing lack of vision and passion for the organization. You can love the organization but not have the capacity to lead the organization.

Third, are you able to add value to the organization you lead, or are you just a figurehead? How much time do you spend on the goals of the organization? Are you there to receive a check at the end of the week? Do you do just what is needed to get by? As leaders, we must be more than just one who receives a check at the end of the week. If this is the case, it may be time to transition.

Fourth, we can be afraid to transition for several reasons. We can be fearful of what the future will bring us. This has been my fear so often. After all, I like to control things. I have been amazed that when I step out of my comfort zone to make changes, I have been provided for in some amazing ways. I cannot say that we were not worried at times, but God always provided for us. Each time we transitioned, God opened unimaginable doors.

Fifth, our identity can be wrapped up in what we do and where we serve to the point that we cannot see ourselves doing anything else. This is, in essence, pride. Having our entire identity wrapped up in what we do can be unhealthy. It puts us in a place where we believe that the organization rises and falls on our presence. We certainly may be a key part, but if the timing for transition is right, the next person will succeed in leading the organization to the next level. It is not about us.

Finally, there is a passage in Scripture that speaks to transition. I fear using it as it is often misused and overused, but it is still valid. “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). Do you hear what is being said? When you are in transition, God has plans for you. It is a good plan. It is one that He will use to provide and care for you. So, if He is providing, do not fear. Do not worry about the future.

So let me ask you:

  1. Are you feeling that you are in a transitional period? If so, why do you think that way?
  2. Have you lost your zeal and vision to lead the organization? Have you taken some time to rest, renew your spirit, and seek counsel?
  3. Are you afraid to transition because you do not know the future? Why is this? Is it fear or pride?
  4. Do you have friends that can be honest with you? Will they speak the truth about your position?  Who are they? Please make a list and contact them.
  5. How does Jeremiah 29:11 speak to you? Does it give you hope? Why?

Copyright © Robert W. Odom 2023

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Are You Okay?

 

Are You Okay?

Dr. Bob Odom, Ph. D.

January 5, 2023

As we begin a new year, I want to talk about a subject that is getting more attention, which is a good thing. Recognition of mental health issues is an important step forward. For too long, we have avoided discussing mental health, and those needing help have missed opportunities to do so.

One of my favorite sayings is that it is okay to be okay. It is equally okay to admit that you have an issue and seek the help you need. Between Covid, the Flu, rising prices, the rise in the attention on crime, and other issues, we have seen an increase in mental health issues. It is my opinion, and the opinion of others, that we have yet to see the impact of Covid and being quarantined for that period.

If you are having a mental crisis, increased depression, and anxiety, it is important to get the help you need. Getting help may start with sharing your feelings with someone you can trust. Sometimes talking these things out can begin the process of healing. This is critical because we have often been discouraged from talking about our deficits. There is a fear that people will look at us differently. And unfortunately, that has been the case too many times.

That leads me to our discussion. For the one witnessing someone struggle mentally or emotionally, we can ask, “Are you okay?” Or “how do you feel?” The key to asking this question is to be ready to listen to the response. Unfortunately, too often ask such questions but are not interested in the answer. We are too busy. We are too afraid of the emotions they may be exhibited. We are too quick to try to solve problems rather than listen.

I can remember being asked this question, and as I began to share, I saw the person across from me become distracted. Their eyes began to glaze over. In truth, he did not want me to share; it was just a formality on his part.  This experience made me think about how I respond to people when I ask them how they are doing and how I respond. Do I want them to answer the question honestly, or do I want them to reply with the standard answer, I am good?

The Bible is the source of great truths. One of those truths is that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). This applies here. Being quick to listen means we pay attention to what is being said. It means asking follow-up questions to get the person talking and going deeper into what is afflicting them. Listening does not mean that we are thinking of our response or trying to figure out how we will counsel them. Too often, this causes us to miss important cues that reveal much about the person.

When someone shares where there are mentally or emotionally, we do not have to have answers. What we need is to show empathy and love. The fact that they are sharing is critical. We show love by listening. We guard against making the discussion about us and keep it focused on the person talking. Too often, we begin to share our war stories, but this can cause the person sharing to shut down and stop talking. There may be a time to share our story but give time for the person to share before we do that.

Finally, do not judge the person. Too often, we can minimize what the person is going through, but this can make them feel small and inconsequential. We can make them think that what they are experiencing is unimportant, leading to them shutting down and causing more tension and anxiety.

Questions to consider:

  1. Are you a good listener? If not, why?
  2. Do you become distracted when others share what they are experiencing? If so, what can you do to change this?
  3. Do you feel pressure to solve problems rather than listen to what the person is saying?
  4. What questions can you ask to clarify the person’s feelings?

Copyright © Dr. Robert W. Odom, Ph. D. 2023

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