Are You Okay?
Dr. Bob Odom, Ph. D.
January 5, 2023
As we begin a new year, I want to talk about a subject that is getting more attention, which is a good thing. Recognition of mental health issues is an important step forward. For too long, we have avoided discussing mental health, and those needing help have missed opportunities to do so.
One of my favorite sayings is that it is okay to be okay. It is equally okay to admit that you have an issue and seek the help you need. Between Covid, the Flu, rising prices, the rise in the attention on crime, and other issues, we have seen an increase in mental health issues. It is my opinion, and the opinion of others, that we have yet to see the impact of Covid and being quarantined for that period.
If you are having a mental crisis, increased depression, and anxiety, it is important to get the help you need. Getting help may start with sharing your feelings with someone you can trust. Sometimes talking these things out can begin the process of healing. This is critical because we have often been discouraged from talking about our deficits. There is a fear that people will look at us differently. And unfortunately, that has been the case too many times.
That leads me to our discussion. For the one witnessing someone struggle mentally or emotionally, we can ask, “Are you okay?” Or “how do you feel?” The key to asking this question is to be ready to listen to the response. Unfortunately, too often ask such questions but are not interested in the answer. We are too busy. We are too afraid of the emotions they may be exhibited. We are too quick to try to solve problems rather than listen.
I can remember being asked this question, and as I began to share, I saw the person across from me become distracted. Their eyes began to glaze over. In truth, he did not want me to share; it was just a formality on his part. This experience made me think about how I respond to people when I ask them how they are doing and how I respond. Do I want them to answer the question honestly, or do I want them to reply with the standard answer, I am good?
The Bible is the source of great truths. One of those truths is that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). This applies here. Being quick to listen means we pay attention to what is being said. It means asking follow-up questions to get the person talking and going deeper into what is afflicting them. Listening does not mean that we are thinking of our response or trying to figure out how we will counsel them. Too often, this causes us to miss important cues that reveal much about the person.
When someone shares where there are mentally or emotionally, we do not have to have answers. What we need is to show empathy and love. The fact that they are sharing is critical. We show love by listening. We guard against making the discussion about us and keep it focused on the person talking. Too often, we begin to share our war stories, but this can cause the person sharing to shut down and stop talking. There may be a time to share our story but give time for the person to share before we do that.
Finally, do not judge the person. Too often, we can minimize what the person is going through, but this can make them feel small and inconsequential. We can make them think that what they are experiencing is unimportant, leading to them shutting down and causing more tension and anxiety.
Questions to consider:
- Are you a good listener? If not, why?
- Do you become distracted when others share what they are experiencing? If so, what can you do to change this?
- Do you feel pressure to solve problems rather than listen to what the person is saying?
- What questions can you ask to clarify the person’s feelings?
Copyright © Dr. Robert W. Odom, Ph. D. 2023
Life on the edge 