Have you ever been conversing with someone only to have the other person continue to talk without a break? They talk and move from one topic to another. Did this make you feel they were uninterested in what you said?
What about the person who makes bold statements without considering who is in the room? I remember one individual who commented inappropriately about people who lived in trailers. What he missed was that several of the people in the room lived in trailers. You could watch these individuals shut down and stop listening as he continued to speak. He lost them because of his insensitive comments.
On another occasion, one speaker spoke against abortion and was critical of those who had abortions. He was unkind in the comments. Once again, the speaker was unaware that several attending the meeting had an abortion and had to relive and navigate the emotions associated with those comments.
When communicating with others, we need to read the room. To read the room is to understand who is in the room and what the mood of the room is. This means we must pick up on the social cues being presented. We must have some awareness of who our audience is. This does not mean that we will never say anything that might offend others. The guarantee is that we will offend others at some point (or many times). Offense happens. However, the goal of communication is to reduce such occurrences when possible.
The room must be read before pushing a particular position. Reading the room means understanding who is in it and what they need. We need to read the room to take advantage of an opportunity to communicate effectively. This does not mean that we do not present our position, but reading the room means that we do not just push our position no matter what. When this is done, we come across as arrogant towards or ignorant of those around us. At times, it can also be an apathetic approach to communication. In essence, it appears we do not care. What is communicated too often is that you need to listen to me because I am right, and your opinion does not count.
I love James, who wrote one of the books of the New Testament. In his writing, He tried to balance faith and works. One way he did this is to challenge Christians to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. He was cognizant that being quick to listen and slow to speak reduced the potential for anger. How often do we get angry when we believe the other person is not hearing us?
When we read the room and know our audience, we can have healthy communication. To begin with, if we want successful communication, we must control how much we talk. So, we need to be aware of how much we talk. The question to ask is, do we want to push our agenda, or do we want to understand the person we are talking with? To do this, sometimes we need to be quiet and listen.
To have healthy communication, we should ask clarifying questions. This will help us get to know the other person, opening the door for deeper conversation. Asking questions will also help us in group settings. Asking questions will allow us to position ourselves to answer the questions people ask while communicating positively.
So, let me ask you?
- How well do you read the room? Be specific.
- Consider your communication. Do you allow others to talk, or do you control the conversation? If so, why do you think you do this?
- How can you adjust your listening skills by asking clarifying questions? How will this help you communicate more effectively?
- When you read James 1:19-20, what is your response? Does this passage describe your life? What needs to change to align your life with this passage?
- To communicate better, stop and listen. Ask questions to understand the other person much better. Think about this. Journal what that will look like for you.
© Robert W. Odom 2023
Life on the edge 