Category Archives: Uncategorized

March 9, 2023 · 11:12 am

Rewiring the Brain: Part 2

Robert W. Odom

March 9, 2023

In my last post, I discussed the ability of the brain to rewire itself. This is known as neuroplasticity. Today let’s dig deeper into this subject. As we grow and experience emotional events, we are generally shaped by those events. These unchecked events determine too often how we will respond to future events. These emotional events rewire our brains to react differently. This is usually a defensive mechanism meant to protect us but harms us in the long run.

Interestingly, studies show that babies who are cuddled and held as infants are more emotionally stable. However, the opposite occurs as well. Babies not cuddled or held lag in emotional, mental, and social development. In essence, the brain is wired differently. Many infants never overcome the loss of love at this early age. Their brains are rewired to understand love differently. Throughout life, they struggle to love and get love.

While much can happen in infancy, this can occur in other ways as the child grows. For example, if one grows up in an environment where there is a lack of love being shown, the brain can rewire itself. Let me share a personal illustration. I lived with my mom and stepdad from age six to twelve. My stepdad was an alcoholic and had a temper. He would come home and treat my family horribly. He thought nothing of abusing us emotionally, physically, and mentally.

The result was that I began to feel unwanted. I began to blame myself for what was happening. I began to try and live in a way that would not upset my stepdad. I would hide in my room when he came home. I thought he would leave me alone if I could hide, but that did not happen. I tried to avoid conflict at all costs. I often had a false peacemaker attitude: I would do whatever to bring peace, even if there were no real peace. My brain had been rewired to hide my emotions, be a false peacemaker, and avoid conflict at all costs.

Later in life, as I matured spiritually, I became more aware of these issues, and I started to seek ways to overcome them and rewire my brain to think differently. By avoiding my emotions, I became angry. At the same time, I would internalize my anger and shut down verbally. As I matured, I had to consider why I would handle anger as I did. What made me angry, and why did I respond the way I did?

Because of my faulty wiring, I had to look at ways to rewire my brain. I needed to understand the why and figure out ways to do life differently. So, I began a journey! My journey started with exploring forgiveness. I needed to forgive others, and most of all, I needed to forgive myself. I needed to forgive others as their actions, and words hurt me. I needed to realize that what happened was not my fault. I needed to recognize that while it was painful, I needed to let go of my pain. The place to do that was at the doorway of forgiveness. It was not easy, but necessary.

To forgive does not mean that the other person is not responsible for their actions, but I needed to free myself from their hold on my life. I had not seen my stepdad for over twenty-five years, yet he still controlled me. Forgiveness allowed me to process my false guilt and shame. I blamed myself when I was not the problem. However, it did become a problem when I would get angry. It was a problem when I would shut down and stop communicating. It was a problem when I buried my emotions.

Through the journey of forgiveness, I was able to release my stepdad.  I was able to let go of the pain from the past. I was able to forgive myself. I could forgive my mom for allowing this to happen (although it was not her fault). Finally, I could forgive myself for the way I had processed emotional events in the past.

Forgiveness is the beginning of healing. Forgiveness clears the way to start a process of rewiring the brain. It releases us from others controlling us. It allows us to rethink how we respond to others. It is the beginning of no longer hiding our emotions. It is the starting point of releasing ourselves from blame and shame.

Next time we will continue this discussion. In the meantime, let me ask you a couple of questions:

  1. How has your brain been rewired from past events?
  2. What has been the result of rewiring your brain? Do you hide your emotions? What emotions are out of control in your life?
  3. Who, what event, or what controls who you are and how you respond to life?
  4. Where do you need to forgive others? Yourself?
  5. What would look differently if you could rewire your brain positively and walk in forgiveness?
  6. Pray and ask God to reveal these areas of life. Then, ask God to begin a process of forgiveness.

© Robert W. Odom Ph. D. 2003

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,

March 2, 2023 · 9:56 am

Rewiring our minds!

In Scripture, we are told that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). This is true, especially concerning our emotions. Amazingly, we have been created with the ability of “Neuroplasticity.” What is neuroplasticity, you may ask? “Neuroplasticity” refers to the brain’s ability to restructure or rewire itself when recognizing the need for adaptation. In other words, the brain continues to develop and change throughout life. As the brain confronts negative and positive stimuli, it can adjust and rewire itself to accept the new dynamic.

Throughout life, we have been wired to respond to issues we face in specific ways. A part of this discussion is the old nature versus nurture debate. Are we born with predetermined responses to problems, or have we learned to respond the way we do? Both may be affecting how we respond.

In the environments we live, we are confronted with various stimuli. If these stimuli are consistently negative, our brains can be rewired to deal with the issues encountered. For example, abused people can experience a rewiring of the brain to deaden the pain. Left alone, we will believe we are no longer loved. The view of ourselves causes us to think we are faulty or broken. We can blame ourselves and believe we are not worthy of healthy relationships. We will often sabotage relationships for fear of being hurt again.

As children, many are taught not to have any emotions. We are taught to hide our true selves so that others will view us positively. We are trained to live to perfection, which is never possible. As a result, we begin to live with a false sense of who we are. We redefine ourselves. We hide. We isolate. After doing this long enough, we believe our false identity is our true self. Essentially, the mind rewires itself to believe the lies we have been told.

This is complicated even more when we face trauma, abuse, or other catastrophic issues. For example, we can be taught to hide our emotions and feelings. We hide our emotions so as not to make waves. Sometimes when a family member abuses another, the who has been abused will try to hide their emotions. They try to deal with these issues without ever actually addressing the issue. The result can be devastating. They blame themselves. They begin to believe they are not good. They think they are flawed and thus are a failure. When no one listens to them, they hide the hurt and, in essence, rewire their brain to accept these complicated ideas about themselves. This is a problem because they begin to live in a place of woundedness rather than a place of healing.

From this negative wiring, we often find ourselves responding to events in unhealthy ways. We lash out. We default to what feels good. This could be food, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. We long to be heard but feel silenced by the voices in our heads. Because of bad wiring, we do things we did not intend to do when the triggers that lead to negative responses are encountered.

While our brains can be rewired to respond negatively, we can also rewire our brains to react positively. Once again, this is why Scripture tells us to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). And that we are to renew our minds (Romans 12:1-2). This is the Bible’s way of telling us we need to rewire our minds. We will look at this in more detail next time.

I have always found this discussion interesting. The Bible talks about a new heart and a renewed mind. We need to reframe our thought processes and the way we think. In Romans 12, we are told that we can be conformed or transformed. Being conformed is to allow the brain to be rewired from negative input. In so doing, we become what God never intended us to be. It is easy in many ways to be conformed. It is harder to be transformed.

I love the idea found in the word transformed. God has created us in His image. The problem, however, is that our experiences and relationships have caused us to be conformed to a different way of living. It is a way that is not aligned with God’s plan, as opposed to what God intended. When we are out of alignment, things do not go well.

One way to rewire our minds is to do what Philippians 4:8 says. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Do you get what is being said here? How we think changes everything.

We need to think about what is true. Search for truth and apply that truth to your life. Think about what is noble, e.g., what is good or excellent. Think about what is pure and not improper. In other words, refocus your thinking on what is good and right. In the process, we can rewire our minds to focus on truth. The result will be healing and focusing on God’s will for your life.

So let me ask you:

  1. Where have you been affected by your negative experiences?
  2. Where has your mind been rewired to believe the lies that have been spoken against you?
  3. Where do you need to be transformed or have your mind rewired? Be specific.
  4. What must you change to think about truth, and what is excellent? Take some time to meditate on Philippians 4:8 and how you can apply these truths to your life.

© Robert W. Odom, Ph. D. 2023

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

January 13, 2023 · 7:56 am

Transition: Are you in One?

Robert Odom Ph. D.

January 12, 2023             

Through the years, I have been through several transitions. At this stage of my life, I realize that I do not like change and transition. I can get comfortable with where I am and what I am doing. But inevitable change must come. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see change occur and processes move forward when I can control it. But there are times when I struggle with change and transition, especially when it is personal. 

I recently met with a friend, and we discussed the idea of transition over dinner. Our focus was on church transition. But this discussion applies across the different types of organizations. The problem too often is that people resist change because of fear and, unfortunately, pride. As a result, too many stay beyond the time they should in some instances. There is a belief that the ministry or organization would be successful if we could do one more thing. It will reach the purposes needed and designed by God if we can have one more significant event. Sometimes we feel we will let people down if we transition out of leadership. If we had stayed longer, we could have succeeded. I know now that is not always the truth.

As I have thought about this subject, I would like to share some of my thoughts. First, when it is time to transition, I must pray and receive counsel from those who know me but are willing to speak the truth. In the transitions I have navigated, I discussed this with good friends. I tried to remain objective as I shared my story. Each one shared with me that they knew it was time to transition. This was a confirmation of what I was already feeling and surmised. The caution here is to avoid picking people who will say what you want them to. The people in my counseling circle did not fit this bill. They were honest and spoke the truth.

Second, have you lost the grace to lead? This is what I mean by this. Have you lost your joy and zeal to lead the organization? Have you become so discouraged that you no longer have a vision for the organization? These may be symptoms or signs that it is time to transition. Now, I am the first to recognize that sometimes in leading organizations, we lose our zeal and direction. Through retreats, time away, and counseling, the zeal is restored. But I am talking about an ongoing lack of vision and passion for the organization. You can love the organization but not have the capacity to lead the organization.

Third, are you able to add value to the organization you lead, or are you just a figurehead? How much time do you spend on the goals of the organization? Are you there to receive a check at the end of the week? Do you do just what is needed to get by? As leaders, we must be more than just one who receives a check at the end of the week. If this is the case, it may be time to transition.

Fourth, we can be afraid to transition for several reasons. We can be fearful of what the future will bring us. This has been my fear so often. After all, I like to control things. I have been amazed that when I step out of my comfort zone to make changes, I have been provided for in some amazing ways. I cannot say that we were not worried at times, but God always provided for us. Each time we transitioned, God opened unimaginable doors.

Fifth, our identity can be wrapped up in what we do and where we serve to the point that we cannot see ourselves doing anything else. This is, in essence, pride. Having our entire identity wrapped up in what we do can be unhealthy. It puts us in a place where we believe that the organization rises and falls on our presence. We certainly may be a key part, but if the timing for transition is right, the next person will succeed in leading the organization to the next level. It is not about us.

Finally, there is a passage in Scripture that speaks to transition. I fear using it as it is often misused and overused, but it is still valid. “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). Do you hear what is being said? When you are in transition, God has plans for you. It is a good plan. It is one that He will use to provide and care for you. So, if He is providing, do not fear. Do not worry about the future.

So let me ask you:

  1. Are you feeling that you are in a transitional period? If so, why do you think that way?
  2. Have you lost your zeal and vision to lead the organization? Have you taken some time to rest, renew your spirit, and seek counsel?
  3. Are you afraid to transition because you do not know the future? Why is this? Is it fear or pride?
  4. Do you have friends that can be honest with you? Will they speak the truth about your position?  Who are they? Please make a list and contact them.
  5. How does Jeremiah 29:11 speak to you? Does it give you hope? Why?

Copyright © Robert W. Odom 2023

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,

January 5, 2023 · 11:44 am

Are You Okay?

 

Are You Okay?

Dr. Bob Odom, Ph. D.

January 5, 2023

As we begin a new year, I want to talk about a subject that is getting more attention, which is a good thing. Recognition of mental health issues is an important step forward. For too long, we have avoided discussing mental health, and those needing help have missed opportunities to do so.

One of my favorite sayings is that it is okay to be okay. It is equally okay to admit that you have an issue and seek the help you need. Between Covid, the Flu, rising prices, the rise in the attention on crime, and other issues, we have seen an increase in mental health issues. It is my opinion, and the opinion of others, that we have yet to see the impact of Covid and being quarantined for that period.

If you are having a mental crisis, increased depression, and anxiety, it is important to get the help you need. Getting help may start with sharing your feelings with someone you can trust. Sometimes talking these things out can begin the process of healing. This is critical because we have often been discouraged from talking about our deficits. There is a fear that people will look at us differently. And unfortunately, that has been the case too many times.

That leads me to our discussion. For the one witnessing someone struggle mentally or emotionally, we can ask, “Are you okay?” Or “how do you feel?” The key to asking this question is to be ready to listen to the response. Unfortunately, too often ask such questions but are not interested in the answer. We are too busy. We are too afraid of the emotions they may be exhibited. We are too quick to try to solve problems rather than listen.

I can remember being asked this question, and as I began to share, I saw the person across from me become distracted. Their eyes began to glaze over. In truth, he did not want me to share; it was just a formality on his part.  This experience made me think about how I respond to people when I ask them how they are doing and how I respond. Do I want them to answer the question honestly, or do I want them to reply with the standard answer, I am good?

The Bible is the source of great truths. One of those truths is that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). This applies here. Being quick to listen means we pay attention to what is being said. It means asking follow-up questions to get the person talking and going deeper into what is afflicting them. Listening does not mean that we are thinking of our response or trying to figure out how we will counsel them. Too often, this causes us to miss important cues that reveal much about the person.

When someone shares where there are mentally or emotionally, we do not have to have answers. What we need is to show empathy and love. The fact that they are sharing is critical. We show love by listening. We guard against making the discussion about us and keep it focused on the person talking. Too often, we begin to share our war stories, but this can cause the person sharing to shut down and stop talking. There may be a time to share our story but give time for the person to share before we do that.

Finally, do not judge the person. Too often, we can minimize what the person is going through, but this can make them feel small and inconsequential. We can make them think that what they are experiencing is unimportant, leading to them shutting down and causing more tension and anxiety.

Questions to consider:

  1. Are you a good listener? If not, why?
  2. Do you become distracted when others share what they are experiencing? If so, what can you do to change this?
  3. Do you feel pressure to solve problems rather than listen to what the person is saying?
  4. What questions can you ask to clarify the person’s feelings?

Copyright © Dr. Robert W. Odom, Ph. D. 2023

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , ,

December 1, 2022 · 11:19 am

The Wilderness Experience

Dr. Bob Odom, Ph. D.

December 1, 2022

One of my favorite passages in Scripture is Deuteronomy 8:2. “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart.”

A wilderness can be defined as a place of the unknown. It is a place of uncertainty. The wilderness is that place where we are in transition and question what is next for us. It is the in-between place of where we have been and where we are going. It is a place where we encounter rugged, harsh places. I am not sure about you, but I would not say I like the wilderness. But the wilderness journey is a necessary one.

Why is it necessary? It is essential because it is where we understand more about ourselves. It is noteworthy that in the passage above, we see that the purpose of the wilderness is to understand what is in our hearts. In the wilderness, we learn that we are impatient. It is hard to wait for the unfolding of God’s will. We learn how much we try to accomplish things independently in the wilderness. Conversely, we learn how much our faith in God is needed in the wilderness.

In the wilderness, we can sometimes feel we have lost everything. There have been times when I have been obedient to respond to God’s calling and enter a time of transition. I have begun to wonder if I have genuinely heard God’s voice in this transition. I have been made aware that not much is happening at the moment. The doors are not opening. Promises have not been kept. Things can seem lost.

But, in the wilderness, we can miss what God is doing because we look into the future rather than living in the moment. In the wilderness, we can miss the provision of God. Or better yet, we can complain about His provision because we want something different. Living in the wilderness, we can become discontented with the daily provisions of God like the children of Israel. We can become bored with what God has given us.

I do not like the wilderness for several reasons! I want action. I want to move forward! I want to know where I am headed and what the future holds. I do not like the unknown. I like order, and the wilderness creates dissonance where the truth and reality I live in are tested. The wilderness comes along and turns my world upside down.

But, I have learned that the wilderness is not a bad thing. I understand my heart better in the wilderness—emotional issues surface. Our emotions are most often symptomatic of spiritual matters. I realize that my impatience is an effect of my lack of faith. It is also a sign of my desire to accomplish more than God’s will.

In the wilderness, I struggle to trust that God is hearing me or working for me! I know He is, but it is hard to understand He is! I learn patience as I do not know how long the journey will last! I have been here before, and each time in God’s timing, He has led me to the promised land, or at least my promised land! Sometimes it is an hour, a day, a week, or even a year.

But like the Children of Israel, I can easily forget what God has done. I can forget that He provided food. He kept my clothes from wearing out. He has given me food to eat. He has protected me from the enemies around me. He has given me leadership and people around me who love me and care for me. In the wilderness, He has drawn me into deeper worship.

In the wilderness, I learn to submit my will to His! We have been taught this, but it is easier said than done in the wilderness. I want to help get answers in the wilderness, so I am tempted to help God out. I am tempted to open doors God never intended to open. I am tempted to manipulate God’s purposes.

So, if you are in the wilderness, be patient. Enjoy the moment. Live in the present and look at the beauty of God all around you. You might be surprised by what you see. Several years ago, my car broke down, and I had to walk home. In the slowness of that journey, I saw things that had only been a blur when driving in the car. I saw the beauty around me that I never saw before. So, in the wilderness, look for the beauty of God and experience His grace and mercy to the fullest.

Questions for you:

  1. Are you in the wilderness now? If so, what is God teaching you about yourself?
  2. In the wilderness, can you see the beauty around you?
  3. What emotions are being revealed that need to be dealt with?
  4. How is your ability to be patient in the wilderness working out for you?

Copyright © Robert W. Odom, 2022

The Wilderness Experience

Dr. Bob Odom, Ph. D.

December 1, 2022

One of my favorite passages in Scripture is Deuteronomy 8:2. “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart.”

A wilderness can be defined as a place of the unknown. It is a place of uncertainty. The wilderness is that place where we are in transition and question what is next for us. It is the in-between place of where we have been and where we are going. It is a place where we encounter rugged, harsh places. I am not sure about you, but I would not say I like the wilderness. But the wilderness journey is a necessary one.

Why is it necessary? It is essential because it is where we understand more about ourselves. It is noteworthy that in the passage above, we see that the purpose of the wilderness is to understand what is in our hearts. In the wilderness, we learn that we are impatient. It is hard to wait for the unfolding of God’s will. We learn how much we try to accomplish things independently in the wilderness. Conversely, we learn how much our faith in God is needed in the wilderness.

In the wilderness, we can sometimes feel we have lost everything. There have been times when I have been obedient to respond to God’s calling and enter a time of transition. I have begun to wonder if I have genuinely heard God’s voice in this transition. I have been made aware that not much is happening at the moment. The doors are not opening. Promises have not been kept. Things can seem lost.

But, in the wilderness, we can miss what God is doing because we look into the future rather than living in the moment. In the wilderness, we can miss the provision of God. Or better yet, we can complain about His provision because we want something different. Living in the wilderness, we can become discontented with the daily provisions of God like the children of Israel. We can become bored with what God has given us.

I do not like the wilderness for several reasons! I want action. I want to move forward! I want to know where I am headed and what the future holds. I do not like the unknown. I like order, and the wilderness creates dissonance where the truth and reality I live in are tested. The wilderness comes along and turns my world upside down.

But, I have learned that the wilderness is not a bad thing. I understand my heart better in the wilderness—emotional issues surface. Our emotions are most often symptomatic of spiritual matters. I realize that my impatience is an effect of my lack of faith. It is also a sign of my desire to accomplish more than God’s will.

In the wilderness, I struggle to trust that God is hearing me or working for me! I know He is, but it is hard to understand He is! I learn patience as I do not know how long the journey will last! I have been here before, and each time in God’s timing, He has led me to the promised land, or at least my promised land! Sometimes it is an hour, a day, a week, or even a year.

But like the Children of Israel, I can easily forget what God has done. I can forget that He provided food. He kept my clothes from wearing out. He has given me food to eat. He has protected me from the enemies around me. He has given me leadership and people around me who love me and care for me. In the wilderness, He has drawn me into deeper worship.

In the wilderness, I learn to submit my will to His! We have been taught this, but it is easier said than done in the wilderness. I want to help get answers in the wilderness, so I am tempted to help God out. I am tempted to open doors God never intended to open. I am tempted to manipulate God’s purposes.

So, if you are in the wilderness, be patient. Enjoy the moment. Live in the present and look at the beauty of God all around you. You might be surprised by what you see. Several years ago, my car broke down, and I had to walk home. In the slowness of that journey, I saw things that had only been a blur when driving in the car. I saw the beauty around me that I never saw before. So, in the wilderness, look for the beauty of God and experience His grace and mercy to the fullest.

Questions for you:

  1. Are you in the wilderness now? If so, what is God teaching you about yourself?
  2. In the wilderness, can you see the beauty around you?
  3. What emotions are being revealed that need to be dealt with?
  4. How is your ability to be patient in the wilderness working out for you?

Copyright © Robert W. Odom, 2022

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , ,

November 17, 2022 · 9:52 am

What Do You Question?

This may seem to be a strange question, but it is a necessary one. My wife and I have had this discussion several times. Growing up, we were not allowed to question anything, or so it seemed. Well, at least it was not encouraged. I remember my parents telling me to do something, and I would respond with, “why?” Of course, as you might guess, their answer was because I told you to. My answer to my kids too often was that it is just the way it is. Just do it, don’t question me!

Too many of us have been taught not to question authority, rules, or why we do what we do. We are told directly or indirectly to believe what is being said and not question it. Believe the authorities on the issues. Believe the teacher. Believe the pastor. Believe the politician. Trust your heart. No questions, just submit. Now I am not suggesting a rebellion or not honoring those who have knowledge about specific subjects. However, we need to understand what we believe and why we believe it and be able to defend that belief.

So, let me ask you, why do you believe what you believe? Have you studied and discovered the truth for yourself, or do you accept another’s opinion simply because they are the authority, “the professional,” or have the corner on the market of a specific truth? My point is that we need to research and ask questions to define our beliefs. In doing so, you may be surprised at what you find in your search.

I lived with my grandmother until I was six years old and visited her during the summer from that point forward. She had several sayings that she presented as truth. Do not swallow watermelon seeds because a watermelon will grow in your stomach. Get in the bathtub if a storm comes. If your nose itches, someone is coming to see you. If your ears are red, someone is talking about you. Hiccups are growing pains. As a child, I accepted these things as truth. But as I grew older, I understood that these things were tales and not based on truth. Her mom told her, and she told me. There is a good chance that her mom’s mom told her, and so on.

With that said, let me observe where we are today! What is posted on Facebook, Twitter, Tick Tock, and other social media may not always be true! I know that is hard to believe! I am sure you have received an email or a Facebook post of a regurgitated news article. The names or dates may be changed, but the same information has been circulating for years and has been proven wrong.

It may also be hard to believe, but media outlets present their biases and slant their presentations to that bias. This includes conservative, liberal, or independent media. All have a bias and therefore sway the truth to their thinking. Political and religious leaders also have specific biases which guide their conversations and what they say to the public.

My point in asking why we believe what we believe is that we live in an environment and culture that asks big questions. It is no longer acceptable to say that is the way it is. Just accept it. This culture is asking why, and because there is so much information, they want solid answers. They want answers that stand up to scrutiny and debate. They also want us to say I do not know the answer but let us discover it together when we do not have answers to their questions.

How different would things be if we had a grip on what we believe and why? This may mean that we need to explore answers for ourselves. We need to explore what we believe and not be afraid of asking questions and getting counsel from those who know this area. It may even be advantageous to get an opposing view so that you hear from both sides of an issue. Looking at opposing views has helped me clarify what I believe and why I believe it!

As I have done this, I have found that we are not too far apart in our beliefs in many cases. My theological background is eclectic. I have attended Pentecostal/charismatic churches. I have attended Baptists churches. I have developed connections with Catholics, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, and many other denominations. I have also developed relationships with those who have no religious affiliation. From them, I have learned much about my doctrinal positions and have discovered more about what I believe and why. This has not been negative but positive. I am now more convinced than ever about what I believe. In the areas that I still struggle with, I am still exploring. And by the way, there are some things that I may not fully understand, and it is acceptable to say I do not know.

I have written this as food for thought and your consideration. I know I can get pushback from this discussion, which is okay. My point is that I want us to be the best example of truth we can be. Sometimes the truth surprises us and may even leave us bewildered. But truth must be attained. After all, the truth sets us free (John 8:32).

So:

  1. Do you have beliefs handed to you by a parent, the church, or the media but have not understood or adopted them as your own?
  2. Are there truths you hold that you need to check out to affirm the validity of that truth?
  3. Have you considered talking with someone who holds a different view so you can get a different perspective? This is not necessarily to change your belief but to understand how others view things.
  4. I know politics are a hot topic, but what political views do you hold to without properly vetting these views?

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , ,

November 3, 2022 · 1:02 pm

Creating Healthy Work Environments: Reducing Trauma in the Workforce!

We have spoken about toxic environments before, but I want to add to that discussion today. This discussion will apply to all kinds of organizational structures. This will include churches, businesses, volunteer, and nonprofit organizations. The goal is to reduce stress and increase healthy input and productivity.

For organizations to reach their potential, leaders must develop an environment where those within the organization are supported and valued. Team members will want to succeed and take ownership of their assignments when supported and valued. When a team member is not supported or valued, issues arise. Members can begin to think that what they contribute does not matter. And they will not work to their fullest potential.

There are many ways to support members that do not cost much money. Encouraging workers and team members go a long way. Provide incentives for good work. Give extra paid time off. Celebrate positive achievements. Give room for suggestions and ideas. Consider these ideas and find ways to implement the good ones. This gives ownership to the people in the group. And without saying, recognize the people who have good ideas. Don’t take credit for someone else’s ideas.  

Most people do not like to be micromanaged. Micromanagers mean well, but in the end, they can cause insecurities and mistrust within the environment! Trust the people to do the job. Do not be a helicopter boss. If a team member needs to improve their ability to meet the requirements or work to the required level, provide instruction and additional training. Do so gracefully and lovingly. The goal is to grow the person and not just discipline them. Talk about improvements. Let them make suggestions and, where possible, use those suggestions. Afterward, follow up and communicate periodically with the team member. In some cases, the leader may need to consider other areas of work or different assignments that fit better within their skill set.

Working with team members not meeting the task requirements will also build morale. Nothing is worse or more frustrating than having a team member not pulling their weight. This person would be sidelined in the sports world until they can improve. I am not suggesting that these team members be sidelined but that they receive additional training and an explanation of the goals and expectations of the job.

Poor communication and a lack of vision cause issues. Poor communication will be the cause of many organizations’ low morale. I encourage over-communicating the vision, purpose, and goals of the organization. Nothing is worse than inadequately communicating goals, process changes, and assignments. This can lead to confusion, nonproductivity, and inadequate use of human resources.

Once communicated, changes must be shared. I spoke with some in one organization who said that one problem is that the goal line keeps changing. They head to the goal line only to find that it has moved. Or, worse, the goal line has been completely relocated to another field. The point is that they get frustrated. They can only finish one task after another priority or goal is put in motion. This can develop apathy and discouragement in the workforce.

Communication and vision are critical components to the successful implementation of organizational goals. “Without a vision, people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). A vision not communicated is unfulfilled. “Write the vision, make it plain so that the one who hears can run with it” (Habakkuk 2:2). The vision should be understood, communicated, and written so that team members can implement it. Nothing is worse than having a vision that cannot be communicated succinctly or enacted because it is too complicated.

One final thought is the unwritten rules people are expected to live by. Every organization has policies and guidelines and a set of unwritten rules. Other times what is communicated corporately is different from what happens. For example, a church I was on staff often said they were friendly. In many cases, this was true, but after researching and asking newcomers to the church about their experience, I found this was not always the case. People who were not connected to someone in the church before they attended felt that the church was not as friendly as communicated. The positive is that we met with key leaders and discussed ways to change the environment to match what was being communicated. Unwritten rules may include time off, open-door policies, dress codes, etc.

As leaders, we must choose how we will lead. Will we dominate those we lead, or will we develop an inclusive, integrated, and growth-oriented organization? Will we address the unwritten rules or let things remain the same? It is our decision. It is our choice. Our actions will determine the environment and character of those on the team.

Questions for consideration:

  1. Are there areas in your organization where communication can be enhanced?
  2. What can you do in your organization to show support and value to team members?
  3. Do you micromanage those you lead? Why do you think you do this?
  4. Are there team members needing to be confronted about their performance? What precisely will you do to make this a success?
  5. How can you improve communication in your organization?
  6. What are the unwritten rules that need to be addressed?

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as ,

October 22, 2022 · 1:32 pm

Handling Grief and Trauma in a Healthy Way

Someone has said that if you have not experienced grief or trauma, give it time. You will. The fact is, we will all experience suffering and trauma at some point in our life. The problem is that we often do not navigate either of these very well. There are several reasons for this, but I will deal with a couple of things.

We often forget that everyone will deal with grief and trauma differently. Some seem not to be impacted by their experience, while others are hit much harder. Additionally, we do not know how we might handle a specific challenge as each trauma we face, the timing, and the overall impact of one or more traumas affect us differently.

When dealing with trauma, our religious beliefs and theological positions will affect how we deal with grief and trauma. When we face trauma or severe grief, we can encounter a crisis of faith because of what we have been taught and when our beliefs are challenged. For example, we have been taught to be joyful in all things. While this is a true statement, we can struggle emotionally and not feel joyful when confronting a traumatic event in our life. We work hard to be joyful when our hearts are broken and our emotions are all over the place. The reality is that it is hard to feel joy when our world has been turned upside down.

For others, we are told that we do not have enough faith if we struggle with grief and trauma. We are told we need more faith if we feel angry or depressed during these events. We are told to suck it up and get over our grief.  For example, my wife, who was struggling with the loss of her sister, was told, “let the dead bury the dead.” This was followed by “It is time to move on and get it together.”

The result can be devastating when we try to follow this counsel and not deal with trauma or grief honestly. Many fake their feelings and pretend that everything is okay rather than processing their grief in positive ways. They bury their sorrow. But grief will be dealt with. It may not be in the moment, but grief can affect us for a long time when not processed positively. It can come out in ways that we sometimes do not expect. We can have emotional outbursts. Our blood pressure can be elevated. We can struggle with digestive issues. Sleep will escape us, and when awake, we constantly ruminate about the events(s).

When processing grief, we need to know that everyone will deal with grief and trauma differently. Some will take longer than others, and that is okay. There are no timelines for processing grief. The key is that we are moving forward. Sometimes this means doing the next thing, whatever that might be. It might be to take a shower. Clean your room. One step, one thing at a time, can lead to bigger things in time.

When facing trauma, we can receive counsel, and people can say the most incredible statements that can wound and hurt us. For example, one mother’s son died from a childhood disease before he was a year old. One of the people on the receiving line told her, “At least you don’t have to worry about potty training.” This statement missed the mark and caused additional hurt to this poor woman.

Others often assert that things will improve, but that is not always true when dealing with trauma. The issue is that people dealing with trauma are navigating a new normal. While people are coping with grief and trauma, things can worsen before they improve. One spouse whose husband had passed away quickly and without warning found that he had not paid taxes in ten years. She also discovered that their finances were a mess and that he had many outstanding debts.

Upon his death, they were, for all practical purposes, bankrupt. For almost three years, things did not get better for her. She had to sell their home and cars and pick up extra jobs to pay the bills to have a decent income. Today, things are better for her, but at first, things did not improve and did not for several years.

So how do we help someone who is dealing with grief? First, be a good listener. Sometimes one dealing with grief or trauma need to talk. Do not offer counsel or try to solve the problems. Just listen. Ask questions to clarify what they are saying. Repeat back what you think you have heard them say. This will give them a sense of freedom and security.

Second, come alongside them to offer your help. Avoid asking what they need because they will feel awkward sharing. Or they may not know what they need. Look for opportunities to serve them. Cook a meal. Cut their grass. Buy them groceries. Clean their house. Wash their clothes. Come along and help them.

Third, accept the mood swings that will be inevitable. Some days they will be happy and then suddenly very sad and perhaps even depressed. Sometimes these mood swings are because of holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other special dates. Sometimes there is no reason at all. There is a memory that comes and affects them. Perhaps they wake up feeling lonely and sad.

Fourth, do not force them to do anything they are not ready to do. In the first few months, they should not make any decisions they do not have to. Encourage them to do only those things that are necessary. They should not make major financial decisions for a while. Additionally, do not rush them to get rid of the clothes or possessions of the one they lost. Avoid forcing them to attend parties or events they are not ready to participate in. Give them room to adjust. If they attend an event, permit them to leave early if things are uncomfortable.

Fifth, do not criticize how long it takes them to process their grief. There is no timeline for grief; each person and event is different. Trying to force people to heal faster than they are ready can cause more significant damage. We must offer grace and mercy to those struggling with grief and traumatic events.

Sixth, do not be surprised if they respond with anger and bitterness toward the person that has caused them to be in this place. They may be angry at the person who killed their family member. They may be angry at the drunk driver who critically injured their husband or wife. They may be angry at the drug dealer who sold their son or daughter the deadly drug. There are many reasons one may be angry or bitter. Give them time. Do not force an emotion or action they are not ready to express.

Finally, sometimes the best thing to do is to be there! You do not have to say anything. Just be present. Be available! Provide a ministry of presence.

So what do you feel about grief? Have you struggled with grief or trauma? Have you been forced to do things you were not ready to do? If so, what did you do, and how did you respond to this?

Finally, did even the statements about how to help others resonate with you? Which one is the biggest challenge for you? I encourage you to consider these questions. Be honest with your answers.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,

October 6, 2022 · 1:11 pm

Who Are You? What Defines You?

Who are you? What defines you? This can be a complicated question as the answer will often determine what we do or the groups we are connected to. When I ask someone, who they are, the response most often is what they do. The conversation goes something like this. Who are you? The reply I usually receive is that I work for (fill in the blank). The problem is that I did not ask what they do but who they are. So, I ask again, who are you? This time the answer is that I am a father, a husband, a brother, and a grandfather. But that answer does not define us because our relationships do not define us. When asked again, the response is that I am a Christian or I belong to Church X.

We can be defined as Christian, but what does that mean? Is it a title we wear? Is it the denomination I belong to? Is it the church I go to? Does it define who we are? Being a part of a church, a denomination, a specific family, or a particular job is not bad. They are essential aspects of our life, but we are not defined by our job, work, family origin, or religious affiliation. If the job changes, we join another church, or we have family issues, the definition of who we are should not change. Therefore, to determine who we are, we must look deeper.

An excellent place to start is God’s example! I have always been amazed at God’s response to Moses. We read in Exodus 33:18 that Moses asked God to reveal Himself. “Let me see your glory!” In other words, show me who you are! In God’s response, God did not show His power. He showed His character.

In Exodus 34:6-7, we see God’s response. The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands,forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

Look at how God defines Himself. He is merciful and gracious. He is slow to anger. He is abounding in love and faithfulness. And finally, He is forgiving, but He is also just. These qualities define Him. That speaks to who He is. Essentially, He is defined by His character, not His power or position.

So, who are you? Who am I? Am I a man of integrity? How do I act when I believe no one will know what I have done? Do I hold anger or pride deep in my heart? Jesus stated, “… what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and that defiles a person” (Matthew 15:18).  Do you see that? What comes out of the heart defiles us. What is in the heart will define how we act and respond to the issues we face in life.

Another point to be made is whether we are guilty of loving some people and not others. Do we judge others by ethnicity, education, family origin, religious affiliation, or financial acumen? The problem with this is that it comes from a spirit of pride. Are we forgiving? Or do we hold grudges? Do we seek revenge on the person that has wronged us? Do the actions of another dictate our actions or what we do?

The problem is that we can be a part of a great church, but we can judge others in unhealthy ways, especially those outside our specific church. We can hold high office but struggle with our integrity. We can be connected to family and friends but struggle with pride and insecurities.

The bottom line is this. We are defined not by what we do but by the condition of our hearts! This is most critical because we will respond from our heart’s capacity. Our heart is what determines our actions, our motives, and our feelings. What comes from the heart defines us.

So, how are you doing? What defines you today? Is it your job, church, family, political party, or other external things? One way to determine this might be to evaluate how you respond when your job is impacted. How do you feel when your family has an issue? What about your church? What is your response when the pastor leaves, or you experience other problems in the church? When these things happen, do you feel different about who you are? When we allow the heart to define us, we will have stability and a proven character that will stand the test of time.

As you consider this and pray, where have you allowed external things to define you?  When we recognize these things repent and seek to develop a heart that truly defines who we are. It may not be easy for some, but it is worth it.

I would love to hear back from you. Let me know what you think about this article. Also, please share this with others.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,

September 15, 2022 · 10:20 am

I Don’t Think I Am a Pharisee, But I AM

I have always been interested in the Pharisees and their style of leadership. Not that I wanted to be a Pharisee, although I probably am more like the Pharisees than I care to admit.

The Pharisees were one of the groups of religious leaders of Jesus’ day. They seemed to rub Jesus wrong because they were pious spiritual zealots. They knew the sacred law, but they misused and abused these laws for personal gain and to control those under their leadership. As I have studied the Pharisaical attitude, I see several characteristics that define a Pharisee.

The Pharisees were good at setting rules or adding to the rules already in place. They took the good and made it a burden. What was meant to set boundaries became bondage because it was impossible to remember every one of the rules, much less keep them! And watch out because the Pharisees would undoubtedly point out when you were not obeying the rules. For the Pharisees, the rules were more important than people. They used the rules to keep people in line, creating an environment filled with guilt, condemnation, and hypocrisy. This environment caused people to look at the outward person and not so much at the person’s heart. This environment caused people to give up and lose sight of who Jesus was. This was the cause of much of the traumatic injury of that day.

Today this still happens as we set rules for who can be in “our club.” And, we keep people out who do not follow the rules as we have designed them. We determine what a person in our club should look like, how they act, whom they vote for, and much more. If you disagree, don’t apply.

Pharisees judged others, and thus they ostracized people. They thought their prayers were better because their prayers were lengthy. They would stand on the street corner and pray with a loud voice. They would use many complicated words to show how educated and spiritual they were. The Pharisees judged how others dressed, where they lived, how much money they made, and how spiritual they were. They judged others based on their position, title, education, or lack thereof. They had the unique ability to make themselves look better by putting others down. They looked down on people who did not fit their view of who people should be or what they should look like.

Pharisees were more concerned about outward appearance than heart transformation. If one dressed right and acted correctly, they were in the good graces of the Pharisee, but when they did not, they were judged and condemned. If they did not follow the rules, they were rejected and became outcasts. Today, we judge and ostracize people because of their political views, attire, whether or not they have tattoos or piercings, religious affiliation, and racial identity. We judge the heart of people without knowing their stories or history. We judge those who do not look like us or believe what we believe.

In the world of the Pharisees, traditions were elevated to a higher level than biblical truth. They held to the law of Moses and man more than the law of God. They kept to the rules that were man-made but lacked grace and failed the test of godliness. They seemed more upset about people breaking tradition than keeping God’s Word.

Today the church is deeply passionate about traditions. What style is our music, contemporary or traditional? How should we dress in church, casual or suit and tie? Do we sing hymns, choruses, or contemporary music? Some churches have strict membership rules, and others have few requirements. There are so many “traditions” we purport as the gospel truth that has little to do with Biblical truth or salvation, for that matter. These ideas are more about personal preference than spiritual truth.

The Pharisees reacted when their power was threatened. There was no doubt that Jesus threatened their power, and thus they wanted to get rid of Him. On several occasions, they set a trap with their words. They tried to trap Him with theological questions and accusations. They accused Jesus of eating with sinners. They judged Him when He allowed a “sinful” woman to wash His feet.  They accused Jesus of breaking Sabbatical laws when He healed a man on the Sabbath. They questioned the way Jesus fasted. It goes on and on!

While it is easy for me to judge the Pharisees, I must ask myself if I present the attitude of a Pharisee. The answer is, unfortunately, that I do. I can judge others. I can be critical when people do not match my expectations. I can become angry when I feel that my power is being tested. I can judge people more about their outward appearance than their hearts.

I am not perfect, but I am growing. I still deal with a Pharisaical mindset. But I am aware of it, which is an excellent place to start. Recognizing a weakness is the first step to becoming stronger and more like Christ. And is that not the goal we have as passionate followers of Christ? 

As I close this, let me ask you a question. How about you? Where do you see the Pharisaical attitude in your life? Do you judge more on the outward appearance than the heart? Do you create laws and standards that add to God’s law? Do you hold to traditions that are good but never intended to replace God’s word or plan for your life? Do these traditions cause unnecessary division in the church? Do they ostracize more people than bring people together?

I ask today that you pray and ask God to reveal any Pharisaical attitudes, be bold and wise enough to admit them, and then allow God to heal you.

Copyright Robert W. Odom, 2022

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,