Life on the edge

Peninsula Community Church

April 22, 2012

Displaying the Life of Christ –

Our Decisions have Consequences

 We are continuing to look at 1 John as a means to determine how a passionate follower of Christ should display the life of Christ in their life.

1 John 1:5-10 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.  If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

In studying the Bible, one of the keys to understanding a passage is to look for common words that are used. In the passage before us today, there is one word that stands out above any other word. In fact, it is a small word but it is a word that has powerful meaning and adds great depth to our discussion.

The word I am referring to us is the word ‘if.’ The word means “in case that; granting or supposing that; on condition that.” It is in essence a word of condition. It is used throughout Scripture in what is called the “if/then” principle. It means that if you do ‘A’ the result will be ‘B.’

I can remember that my parents would use this if/then principle on us. Perhaps your parents said similar things such as: ‘If’ you don’t clean your room you will be grounded. ‘If’ you miss your curfew you will not be able to go out this weekend. ‘If’ you drink coffee, it will stunt your growth. ‘If’ you don’t stop crying I will give you something to cry for. I am sure that as I just say these illustrative ideas that your mind is filled with some of your own.

Since the word ‘if’ is a word of condition, the thought expressed through the word is the idea that there are consequences to our decisions. As passionate followers of Christ, one will want to display Christ in their lives by recognizing that one’s decisions have consequences. Therefore, one who is passionate for Christ will consider their actions and the results of the actions they take.

In 1John 1:5-10,  John uses five ‘if’ statements that teach us about walking in God’s light as passionate followers of Christ. Let’s take a look at these five statements:

The first of these states: If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. John is stating here that we cannot say that we are in fellowship with Christ and continue to knowingly live in the dark shadows of the past. The reason John is communicating this is that there is a tendency that what we set our attention to we will follow. Barclay the theologian stated “A man’s character will necessarily be determined by the character of the God whom he worships.” Therefore, what we follow will determine who we become.

Thus John is saying that we cannot continue to walk in the ways of darkness and continue to have open fellowship with God because our focus will be on the darkness and not the light. These actions break fellowship with Him. Have you ever tried to hide something from someone?

I love throwing surprise parties and yet I hate them at the same time. Anytime I am a party to such an event I find that I become less communicative which causes the fellowship to be broken.  I remember throwing Michelle a 30^th birthday party. My ruse was that we were to attend one of our staff pastor’s surprise parties as his birthday was the same day. The problem was that there was a speaker that was going to be in town that day and Michelle wanted to go to the event rather than what she thought was going to be a boring birthday party. Needless I had to dart and sway around the subject to convince her to go to the pastor’s party. I used guilt and the art of persuasion which did not make for a happy home. Needless to say our fellowship was not very sweet for a couple of days because I was keeping her in the dark.

Paul adds to this discussion on darkness when he states: “Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:7-10)

He continues in Colossians 1:11-14 “May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy,  giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

John in this passage is in essence saying that when we continue to walk in the ways of the past without any regard for our new relationship there are consequences that occur. When we received Christ He delivered us from the ways of darkness and He brought us into the light of His will. But too often we live and act as if we were never redeemed from the darkness and thus we minimize His work in us.

The second ‘if’ is found in verse 7: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. John continues his discussion by giving us the opposite context of living in darkness. In contrast to walking in darkness, if we set our focus on following Christ we will see positive results and will have fellowship with one another and will experience the cleansing that come from God’s washing of our sins. Notice, that our fellowship with God and with others is impacted by our relationship with the dark. The quality of our fellowship will be determined by where we walk. If we walk in the dark our relationships will be negatively affected and if we walk in the light we will have open and honest relationships which result in a quality experience.

The third ‘if’ is:  If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. To display the life of Christ we must be honest and open about who we are. God’s relationship with us must be one that is based in truth and not deception. In John 4:24 it is interesting to note that John states that God is a spirit and they that worship Him must worship Him in Spirit and in truth. That means we must be honest about who we are and the issues that contradict who we are attempting to be in Christ. The greatest deception is self-deception and the greatest self-deception is to think we can hide our sin without suffering the consequences of such action.

The fourth ‘if’ is: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. As we are honest with him he is more than willing to forgive and restore us to the place we need to be and ought to be.

The fifth ‘if’ is: If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. The reason for this is that the Word’s purpose is to lead us into truth. Psalm 119:11 “I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” When we say we have not sinned we are in effect denying the power of the word of God to change and develop who we ought to be.

Notice that in this passage there is a progression:

1. Walking in darkness breaks fellowship;
2. Walking in the light restores fellowship and cleanses us;
3. When we are walking in the light we must be careful not to assume that we never sin;
4. When we walk in the light we understand that when we do sin there is more than enough forgiveness available to heal and restore us to a proper relationship;
5. And finally, when we say we have not sinned we make God a liar and his word is not in us because it is the word that brings conviction.

Peninsula Community Church

April 15, 2012

Christ’s Life Displayed

 The goal of the John’s writings is to show believers what it means to display the life of Christ to the community and culture around them. Join us as we take a journey through the pages of 1 John.

1John 1:1-4 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life– the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us– that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.

The theme of 1 John is walking in fellowship with God’s light and love. In this letter, John deals with how we display the life of Christ through our lives. His focus is on the light of God and the love of God. We receive both of these from God. We do not work for them but we simply receive them as a gift.

As we read through this book we see that John answers some important questions about how to display the life of Christ as we follow Christ:

The first question answered by John is “What does God’s life look like in a true
believer?” In other words, if we are passionate followers of Christ, what should our life look like? If you had asked me that question a number a years ago, I probably would have over emphasized the process of obedience. While this is certainly a key component of living a life that honors God but when that is all that we consider we can begin to live a life that is guided by legalism and control rather than being light and showing love. The result is a concentration checking off the list of duties performed rather than living a life fully dedicated to Christ and His ways. I know have a whole new perspective about God’s love which drives me to do things not to gain His love but to simply accept that He loves me and that is enough. Additionally I do not have to strain at being the light because it is an action that is deposited in us as a result of the work of the Holy Spirit within me. When God’s life is being revealed through me our speech, our attitude and our character will be effected.

The second question answered by John is “How can we recognize falseness in living and teaching that would attempt to lead us astray?” He thereby addresses the issue of do we discern those things that create in us false expectations and attempt to lead us astray from the truth of the Gospel. Have you noticed that the nation as a whole is being dumbed down? It seems that people do have the ability to think critically. There is a tendency to accept things with out discerning the truth within the facts given. We are living in a sound bite world where truth is defined by one-liners and in 30 second discussions on the news hour. John encourages us to discern the spirits and the truth that is at play around us. Without which we are easily deceived and confused. We can become very gullible.

The third significant question addressed by John is “How do we share God’s love horizontally?” It is critical that we learn to not only love God but also live out that love toward others. It has been said that we love best when we loves others and we love even greater when we love those who do not deserve our love.

It was critical for John to address these questions as one of the key issues t affecting the church of the day was a Gnostic belief. Gnostics believed that matter was evil and only the spirit was good. For this reason, they did not believe in the incarnation or the resurrection. They taught that the spirit of God entered Jesus sometime after his birth and then exited before the crucifixion so that he would not suffer. By denying the deity of Christ, led them to deny His atoning sacrifice, His redemption and His offer of reconciliation. To the Gnostics salvation came by way of freedom from the sinful body through mystical knowledge.

Note that John countered this philosophy in the first few verses of his letter. He states that the focus of his writings was on the who was there from the beginning. Christ created all things and brought all things into existence. Rather than being a distant God, He in reality was one who was very close. Notice the words John used to define Christ who was revealed through the Word:

The first three of these reveals the personal encounter that John had with the Savior and the same encounter that is available to us. This revelation does not come from second hand knowledge but from firsthand experience. And finally, this revelation is not a nebulous experience but one that is personal and up close and understandable.

• We have heard him.
  
• We have seen with our eyes
  
• We have touched with our hands
  

The second part of this is what we do with this personal revelation:

• His life was manifested in such a way that His actions could be seen.
  
• We testify to all He had done.
  
• We proclaim Him as the way of salvation.
  

To translate this in modern terms John shares some key information about the work of Christ in our lives:

• The work of Christ is relevant and current.
  
• The work of Christ is trustworthy.
  
• The work of Christ is applicable to every experience.
  
• The Work of Christ affects our whole being.
  

Peninsula Community Church

The Power of Hope

April 8, 2012

1 Peter 1:3-5 – Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

As we gather to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ, I recognize that one of the greatest issues facing people today is fear. Fear is one of those emotions that can bind us and hold us back from accomplishing what we need to do and it negates our joy and peace.

Fear is generated when there is a concern that our happiness, our health or our future will be negatively affected. One of the ways that I can illustrate this is one of the adventures I had with my car as a teenager. I admit that I drove much faster than I should have. This included one evening that we were headed to the local high school’s baseball game. I was following a group of cars in front of me (and they were all clipping at a good deal of speed) when a car pulled out in front of me suddenly stopped because the light had turned red. I immediately locked up the brakes and slid through a gas station. In fact, I slid all the way past the service station and stopped on the road that was perpendicular to the service station. When I looked up the light was green, I put on blinker, turn right and kept going for about a mile when I had to pull over and gather myself. In that moment, my thoughts were that my future had been at risk and that I was very fortunate that I had not hit one of the gas pumps. Needless to say, the rest of the trip I drove at a reasonable speed. So fear can be a good thing but too often fear can be something that binds us and holds us back from accomplishing what we need to.

I would suggest that there are four fears that can drive us to either go into neutral or do things that only serve to hurt and hinder us:

The first of these is financial fear. As we look around us there are certainly enough issues to cause us fear. Rising gas prices (now $3.93 per gallon), devalued home prices, decreased wages, and increased cost of living are bringing fears about what the future will hold. What we once trusted financially cannot longer be trusted to bring about happiness and that might be a good thing.

Secondly, many are filled with political fear. Many are fearful about the future of this nation as so many of the freedoms that we held dear are being eroded. Congress and state legislatures are attempting to control what we eat, what we drive, and so on and so on. People, today, do not trust the government to protect them and to assure the pursuit of happiness which by the way cannot be legislated although they may try. This is borne out best by the fact that the current congress has less than a 12% approval rating and an 85% disapproval rating (this includes both democrats and republicans). But the fact is that people have allowed this to occur because they have turned to the government to do what only God can do. They now expect the government to provide their every need.

Thirdly, many are filled will physical fear. We are afraid because of the doctor’s reports that gave us bad news. We are afraid that we will be sick in the future. We are fearful about a negative report on crime or that a sexual offender is loose in Selbyville.

Fourthly, we have relational fears as we do not know if our friendships will be intact in the future. We no longer trust another person’s words because we are no longer people of our word. We are afraid that contracts will be broken and our marriages will disintegrate.

As I was preparing this Franklin D. Roosevelt’s quote about fear at his first inaugural address, came to mind. He stated: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself–nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” What he was saying is that we will not allow fear to cause us to retreat rather than advance and succeed.

Enough on fear as I propose to you that the answer to fear is hope. And today, we celebrate that hope in the person of Jesus. I propose to you that one of the problems we face is that we don’t fully understand what hope means to us.

Our definition or definition of hope is too often founded in “a desire for some future thing which we are uncertain about?” When we speak of hope we are hoping that something will occur such as we hope that our favorite baseball team will play well this year (the Orioles, the Phillies, the Nationals, the Yankees and yes even the Red Sox’s) and go to the World Series. You may hope that relative you are having a problem will change…. You hope you will have enough money to retire.

But, the New Testament’s definition of hope is “a full assurance, or strong confidence that God is going to do good to us in the future.” Any other words this hope is not based on physical things but on a promise from the Lord. At least a couple of scriptures come to mind here:

• I know the plans I have for you…. Is a common verse that is quoted but there is more to the verse. Listen to the entire passage in Jeremiah 29:10-14 “For thus says the LORD: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
  
• Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1)

This definition of hope makes the resurrection even more important. What does the Resurrection teach us about hope? If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep (1 Corinthians 15:19-20). The Resurrection brings with it a full assurance and confidence that God is going to do good for us in the future.

You see no matter what happens today there is a tomorrow on the horizon. “We can know that all things will work out for our good because God is in control” (Romans 8:28). The problem with fear is, when we fear what will happen tomorrow, we will subconsciously what to satisfy the pleasures of the self without regard to consequences of those decisions. We will begin to live by the motto: “Eat, Drink and Be happy because tomorrow I die.”

• The trials we face now cannot be compared to what is in store for us in heaven. “Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:13-18)
  
• Christ through his death and resurrection has defeated every foe and has conquered death for us all.
  

The assurance of hope comes only to those who have a relationship with Christ.

Peninsula Community Church

The Triumphant Entry of Christ

April 1, 2012

Text – Luke 19:28-40

The story of the Triumphant Entry of Christ is found in every one of the gospels of the New Testament. Each story adds a dynamic to the story by looking at the story from a different perspective (Matthew 21:1-16; Mark 11:1-11; Luke 19:28-44 and John 12:9-19). Since the story is found in every New Testament Gospel it must be an important story.

As we read these various accounts it is interesting to note that there are several key components to the story. Understanding each of these will add a depth to the story which gives a clearer picture of what transpired on the particular day.

The first of these components is the donkey. This may seem like a non-important aspect of the story but there is much to be said about the donkey.

It is not a coincidence that Jesus was riding on a donkey as it was a fulfillment of prophesy. In Zechariah 9:9 where the prophet says: Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout aloud, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your king is coming to you; righteous and having salvation is he, humble and mounted on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.

This was also interesting as most wanted Jesus to come as a warrior and not a man of peace. This goes back to the Romans and Greeks who would either use a donkey or a horse when they entered a town. When a King would enter a town and he wanted to show that he was coming in peace he would ride a small horse or a donkey. However, when the king wanted to show that he was coming to conquer the town He would ride a white stallion or horse. It is noteworthy that in Revelation 7:9 that Jesus returns to do battle on a white stallion.

The second component of the story is the palms themselves. The crowd did not just through palm branches but they also threw down their outer garments and other branches they could find. This act was one of honoring Jesus as a King, as this was one mode of honor given to a king or a general of the army who was returning from battle.

The third component was the term Hosanna which means to “Save Us Now.” The people of the day were looking for a Savior not to save them from their sins but from the weight of the government of the day. Taxes were high, unemployment was high and the government could do just about what they wanted to without any accountability. (Sound familiar).

The fourth and final component is the crowd itself which actually is made up of four different groups which included the disciples, the group who saw Lazarus raised from the dead, the group who heard about Lazarus being raised and the Pharisees and the religious leaders. Each one of this is interesting in themselves.

The disciples had been with Jesus and knew him better than anyone else. They had been with him through the good times and the bad. It is especially interesting to note that while the disciples where with him that day but only one week later most of the disciples were nowhere to be found. When Jesus needed them they were not there. According to the gospel story the only disciple that we see near Jesus is John. Peter denied Him. Thomas doubted Him. They all left. What happens to you when it seems that Jesus falls short of what we think He promised? Do we retreat? Do we focus on other things to take His place?

The second group was the crowd that was there when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. The question I always have with those following Him was their motivation. Were they there because of who he was or for what they hoped they could get from Him. Why do we follow Him? Is it because we think of Him as a genie or a Santa Clause that will give us whatever we want. Even as believers we can be guilty of following Jesus for all of the wrong reasons.

The third group was the crowd who had only heard about Jesus and his miracles. They had not experienced his grace but they wanted to see who He was and what he was about. They were curious about what Christ had done but they didn’t know Him. Some people will follow Christ not because they really know Him but they have heard about him.

The fourth group was the Pharisees and the spiritual leaders who rejected Jesus and his disciples. In fact they wanted to shut them up. They felt they were being a nuisance by worshiping Him the way they were. There will always be someone in your life that will try to discourage you and try to turn you away from worshiping and following Jesus with your whole heart. Sometimes it is not a matter of getting you to reject Him but just to not be as exuberant. In other words compromise just a little. But a little compromise can go a long way to rejecting Jesus.

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness – Self Forgiveness

March 25, 2012

1John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Let me say that this study today only skims the surface of this issue. I would need to do another series in order to deal with every aspect of what it means to forgive ourselves and to let go of the past.

But, in the passage before us this morning, we find great hope in that God forgives ALL of our sin and He cleanses us from ALL unrighteousness. Notice here, there is nothing out of the reach of God’s grace and mercy. He forgives everything. His forgiveness is amazing but He not only forgives all our sin but he cleanses us from all unrighteousness. In Christ we are new creations that continue to be touched by His grace and His cleansing work within us. This is not to say that we keep getting saved over and over but rather after we have accepted Christ, Christ empowers us to live a victorious life through ongoing forgiveness of new sin and ongoing cleansing from new unrighteousness.

Let me illustrate what God does for us in this way. When we lived on Long Island, there were certain days of the week that people could put almost anything at the curb to be picked up on garbage day. As we would drive around Michelle had an incredible eye for pieces of furniture that were left by the curb but had potential to be made over. I remember on one occasion she saw this old cabinet by the side of the road. Of course, being the man I am, I did not want anyone to see me pick up the piece of furniture so I waited until it was dark and I returned and grabbed the piece off of the garbage pile. When we got the piece home, Michelle asked if I would remove off all the layers of paint. As I did that what was revealed was a beautiful piece of wood. It was, if I remember, a beautiful maple cabinet with awesome grains in the wood.

When we think about that is what God does for us. He redeems us off of the garbage heap of the world and he strips us of all of the years of pain, hurt and sin. And when we begin to be effected by those things He comes and continues to offer forgiveness and cleansing because He knows that underneath there is a beautiful vessel that can be used for His glory.

In this passage we should also note that the word confession means to come into agreement with God’s will and His purpose for us. It is interesting to note that in the Greek language of John’s day the word confession was actually a legal term which meant to come into agreement with. In order words, as we understand that God has forgiveness for us in every sin and every issue and that he not only forgives us but he also cleanses us to bring out the beauty that is hidden beneath, we will seek to come into agree with that and allow the Holy Spirit to do that work in us. It also means that we will recognize who we are and what God has called us to be as detailed in His word. We will see that and we will align ourselves with that work.

But in this life we have a dilemma. While we know that we have been forgiven and that we have been cleansed by Christ we often struggle with self forgiveness by way of an attitude of unforgiveness that is most often manifested by:

• Shame-
  
• Sense of Failure
  

We have all experienced the motion of shame. Have you ever tripped and fallen? What is the first thing that you do? I don’t know about you but I usually will stop and make sure that no one else is looking. Once I do that, then I look to see if I am hurt.

Shame and a sense of failure come from a fear that we will be exposed or that we will not be accepted and that people will look at us differently for what we have done. To be honest with you the emotions of shame and sense of failure are often a result of a legalistic environment or a sense of the negative pressure of being perfect. These emotions bring with them a deep sense of needing to present one’s self as perfect. As a result there is an intense fear of ever making mistakes or disappointing others. In terms of shame, in particular, there is also an intense sense of the inadequacy of one’s self or there is a sense that we are being judged by the probing eyes of others.

While guilt typically involves regret over a particular action or behavior, shame centers on one’s very being. The root of shame lies in the thought that there might be a sudden unexpected exposure of who we really are. The problem is that we believe that when we are exposed that we be revealed as a lesser person or as painfully diminished in our own eyes and the eyes of others. Therefore we become overly concerned and regretful about the mistakes we have made but in reality this mistake or sin has revealed something essentially flawed within us.

The result is that we attempt to be perfect in all areas of our lives as if when we become perfect we will no longer be vulnerable to shame. Rather than free us, these emotions tend to drive us into alienation and emotional bondage. But God wants us to live as authentic beings who love God and are willing to allow God’s forgiveness and healing to come.

But Jesus is ready and willing to forgive and to cle3anse us from all sin and unrighteousness. Jesus in essence enters into our shame, experiences its destructive consequences, and then triumphs over its power in the resurrection. We need Him to heal our unhealthy desire to be accepted and our unhealthy sense of wanting to be perfect. Christ’s coming to earth and his eventual death and resurrection represents God’s total immersion in humanity’s history of conflict and oppression.

If we do not deal with shame and a sense of failure it will destroy us.

How do we deal with this pain:

• Read and meditate on Scripture
• Memorize Scripture
• Take every thought captive
• Find an accountability partner
  

Peninsula Community Church

The Process of Reconciliation

March 5, 2012

2 Corinthians 5:18-20 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;  that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

Editorial note: Much of my notes in this message come from Everett Washington’s book entitled “Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope” published by InterVarsity Press.

The goal is to build bridges that lead to reconciliation. John Paul Lederac has stated that “You cannot build a bridge by starting in the middle. Bridge builders begin from the side they are on.”

But, how do we build a bridge toward reconciliation? I submit to you that there are at least four steps that brings onto a path that leads to reconciliation.

First, we must make a decision to face each other. Notice that here again is the concept of making a decision. The fact is that many times our emotions are not ready or in the place to affect a positive move toward a life of reconciliation so we must make the decision to take this step as nerve racking or risky this may seem.

• We reconcile because we will not allow failed relationships.
• We reconcile because we value the other person and their relationship.
• We reconcile because we know that not doing so spells disaster.
• We reconcile because we will not accept the status quo.

As we walk through these items we recognize that we no longer desire to see or have failed relationships. We will do everything in our power to live peacefully with all men. Hebrews 12:14 “Strive for peace with everyone, and for holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”  And. Paul in Ephesians 4:3 says that we should be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” By this we are to maintain a unity of affections, of confidence and of love that is only maintained through a life of lived in the spirit and the spirit in the believer.

It is my belief that one of the problems we face in the church today is that we have begun to maintain the status quo where we simply accept things for what they are without fighting for life and health in the body and in the lives of those who a part of the body.

Secondly, we must begin to dialogue about the issues. It is here that we deal with the truth and we dialogue about the real issues that have caused the separation and division in the relationship.  Sometimes, when we are a standstill we will need a respected third party to get involved to mediate the process. The key here is to allow God to soften our attitude and the way we speak to the other person. Many people find it is easy to blame others whether take on their level of responsibility.

• Practice forbearance. Instead of lashing out practice patience and self-control. Ephesians 4:1-3 – I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
• Practice empathy while the other person is sharing. Too often when we are in thinking about how we will respond or we are thinking of a come back to the point that we never hear the other person.
• Summarize what the other person has said. This will help to clarify any misunderstandings.
• Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Misunderstandings happen not because people’s motives are evil but that they cannot turn their positive emotions into positive actions.
• Be fair in your expectations.
• Speak the truth in love… Eph 4:15.

Thirdly, we must begin to look for ways to detoxify the relationship. We bring forgiveness into the relationship. We drop our right to be hurt. We let go of the pain and we take steps to see the other person healed. The steps to the deteriation of a relationship:

• Criticism that was once in the mind now becomes verbal.
• Criticism becomes defensiveness. Criticism plus defensiveness equals arguments.
• Contempt is the bext action that occurs.
• And, finally they begin to stonewall or war against the other partner or person with whom we are in relationship.

To detoxify we must reverse the above.

And finally, we devote ourselves to rebuilding the relationship. We don’t give up easily. We don’t give up when things get rough because sometimes issues rise to the surface that can hurt the relationship if we allow them to do that.

• Resolve our grief over the loss.
• Build love through empathy.
• Decrease the negative.
• Increase the positive.

As we have noted before one of the themes that runs throughout the Bible is the theme of forgiveness and reconciliation. In the Old Testament there are two examples that best illustrate positive and negative reconciliation.

The first of these stories is David and Saul. If you remember the story you will remember that Saul had been appointed King overIsrael. But on his journey in life, he made some poor decisions that led to a life of bitterness and hatred. Remember that Saul offered the sacrifice that was to be only sacrificed by the high prelist. He became impatient and stepped in where he was not called (1 Sam. 13).

Saul:

• Disobedient to commands of God on two occasions
• He offered sacrifices that he was not called to do.
• He failed to destroy all of the enemy and the spoils of war.
• He was impatient – He offered sacrifices that he was not entitled to do.
• He blamed others for his short comings.
• He was jealous of David who was honored for his feats but Saul was not praised.
• He sought to kill David although David showed Saul great grace.

We also see that Saul rejected God’s will and plan by disobeying God’s plan for destroying all of the Amalekites and not taken any spoils from the battle. But Saul listened to the people and took animals to sacrifice and also took the king of the Amalekites alive.  When Samuel arrived, he scolded Saul (1 Sam. 15).

But, rather than deal with his issues he became angry at David who was getting accolades and praise for his many fetes as the leader of the armies of Saul. In fact, if you read the story on a number of occasions Saul tried to kill David but he was never successful. In many ways we see David walk in forgiveness as he had many opportunities to kill Saul but he refused because he was guided by the spirit of the Lord.

A second illustration is found in the story of Jacob and Esau.  What a dysfunctional family we see. We talked about this before but we see that Jacob and Esau best illustrate this idea of the bridge of reconciliation. They both made a decision to approach one another. This was not an easy decision but one that was required so that true healing was realized. They met each another and dealt with the issues of the past which began to detoxify the relationship. We do not know all that happened to them after the event that brought healing to them but we certainly have the story of reconciliation and healing (Gen. 32-33).

Is reconciliation easy? NO! Is it possible? Yes! Can we do it by ourselves? NO! But we have God on our side!

Peninsula Community Church

The Process of Reconciliation

February 26, 2012

2 Corinthians 5:18-20 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

Editorial note: Much of my notes in this message come from Everett Washington’s book entitled “Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope” published by InterVarsity Press.

As we look at the subject of reconciliation we must realize that there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. As we have seen already in our study of forgiveness, forgiveness is internal. While it is great to have the other person involve forgiveness is a one way experience and does not require the other person to be involved although it is beneficial to have both people included in the process.
 

Secondly, we will see over the next couple of weeks that reconciliation on the other hand is interpersonal. To come to a place of reconciliation there is a requirement to have both parties involved. Two people who have been hurt must meet together to begin the process of healing and restoration.

In the process of reconciliation we realize that reconciliation is restoring trust in a relationship in which trust has been damaged. As in forgiveness this may take time but it begins with a decision and it begins with a spirit of forgiveness.

The fact is, one can forgive and never be reconciled or one can reconcile without forgiving. In the first case, the individual can be at peace with themselves and can release the other person from the penalty of their sin or the wrong they have committed but still not have a healed relationship. In some cases, this may be because the other person may have passed away. It may be because they have moved on and can’t be reached. It is also possible that the other person is not in a position to reconcile or that they would even want to begin the process.

It is also possible to reconcile with a person even though there has not been a real act of forgiveness. In this case, the problem is that no real healing has occurred and in many ways there is no real reconciliation. The issue at hand is that if real forgiveness has not occurred, the issues will arise again. It may be in different ways or with different people but it will come to the surface. And, sometimes this happens when we least expect it.
 

A second understanding must be that through reconciliation it is possible to either resolve or dissolve the relationship. While the goal is to resolve the issues, it is possible that there will be no reconciliation and there will be a choice to dissolve the relationship. We see this is in the story of Paul and Mark (Acts 15:15-38). We are not sure what occurred but they had a falling out and they went their separate ways. In this case, there was no reconciliation. For a season the relationship dissolved but the miracle is that Barnabus came along side of Mark and later in life we see the relationship healed.

To understand reconciliation, we must understand that we were born to be in relationship with God and with others. From the beginning of time God created mankind for fellowship, We see this in the fact that God would walk in the cool of the day to be in fellowship with Adam and Eve. Secondly, God created man and woman to be in relationship with each other as modeled by the marriage relationship. And thirdly, he has called us as believers into a relationship with one another. He has called us to join together in a community of believers that are willing to walk in forgiveness and in the healing that comes in forgiving and reconciling relationships.

In our text, we see that God has called us to be reconciled in Him and that we are to be ministers of reconciliation. This means that we draw people to God and the best way to do that is to be reconciled first with Him. It is my belief and I believe this can be born out in scripture that when we walk in forgiveness and in reconciliation the world takes notice. They will want to experience what we have experienced when it is a real and authentic experience.

We also see the need for interpersonal forgiveness and reconciliation in:

• Ephesians 2:16 where Paul says that men are to be reconciled together before God.
  
• Matthew 5 where Jesus admonishes those who come before the altar to offer their gifts and remember that their brother has something against them that they should leave their gift and then go and be reconciled. The lesson is that when we recognize wrong that we make the initiative to reconcile.
  

The goal is to build bridges that lead to reconciliation. John Paul Lederac has stated that “You cannot build a bridge by starting in the middle. Bridge builders begin from the side they are on.”

But, how do we build a bridge toward reconciliation? I submit to you that there are at least four steps that brings onto a path that leads to reconciliation.

First, we must make a decision to face each other. Notice that here again is the concept of making a decision. The fact is that many times our emotions are not ready or in the place to affect a positive move toward a life of reconciliation so we must make the decision to take this step as nerve racking or risky this may seem.

Secondly, we must begin to dialogue about the issues. It is here that we deal with the truth and we dialogue about the real issues that have caused the separation and division in the relationship. Sometimes, when we are a standstill we will need a respected third party to get involved to mediate the process.

Thirdly, we must begin to look for ways to detoxify the relationship. We bring forgiveness into the relationship. We drop our right to be hurt. We let go of the pain and we take steps to see the other person healed.

And finally, we devote ourselves to rebuilding the relationship. We don’t give up easily. We don’t give up when things get rough because sometimes issues rise to the surface that can hurt the relationship if we allow them to do that.
 

As we have noted before one of the themes that runs throughout the Bible is the theme of forgiveness and reconciliation. In the Old Testament there are two examples that best illustrate positive and negative reconciliation.

The first of these stories is David and Saul. If you remember the story you will remember that Saul had been appointed King over Israel. But on his journey in life, he made some poor decisions that led to a life of bitterness and hatred. Remember that Saul offered the sacrifice that was to be only sacrificed by the high prelist. He became impatient and stepped in where he was not called (1 Sam. 13).

We also see that Saul rejected God’s will and plan by disobeying God’s plan for destroying all of the Amalekites and not taken any spoils from the battle. But Saul listened to the people and took animals to sacrifice and also took the king of the Amalekites alive. When Samuel arrived, he scolded Saul (1 Sam. 15).

But, rather than deal with his issues he became angry at David who was getting accolades and praise for his many fetes as the leader of the armies of Saul. In fact, if you read the story on a number of occasions Saul tried to kill David but he was never successful. In many ways we see David walk in forgiveness as he had many opportunities to kill Saul but he refused because he was guided by the spirit of the Lord.

A second illustration is found in the story of Jacob and Esau. What a dysfunctional family we see. We talked about this before but we see that Jacob and Esau best illustrate this idea of the bridge of reconciliation. They both made a decision to approach one another. This was not an easy decision but one that was required so that true healing was realized. They met each another and dealt with the issues of the past which began to detoxify the relationship. We do not know all that happened to them after the event that brought healing to them but we certainly have the story of reconciliation and healing (Gen. 32-33).

Is reconciliation easy? NO! Is it possible? Yes! Can we do it by ourselves? NO! But we have God on our side!

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness – The Process

Confessing the Need

February 19, 2012

Galatians 6:2 & James 5:16 – Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Passionate followers of Christ bear one another’s burden without judging or false
accusation. When I say without judging I mean that we are to be careful about making assumptions about another person’s motive or reasoning for needing forgiveness when we do not have all of the details. People in church today are afraid to reveal their personal struggles because they are afraid that they will be judged or that the people they share with do not know how to maintain a level of confidentiality.

To bear another’s burden is to come along side of another person. It means to live a life characterized by love, joy, peace, patience and so forth in personal relationships? We do so by bearing the heavy weight of another’s burden. The burden described here is a burden or a load that is more than one single person should have to carry by themselves. So we are commanded to come alongside of the one who is suffering to shoulder their burden and to help the other person navigate through the difficulty of their lives.

Confessing our sin and our hurts to another is critical to the process of forgiveness because it gives us an opportunity to admit to someone else that we either need forgiveness or we need to give forgiveness. How much of a burden is it to carry the weight of unforgiveness by ourselves. The reason we do this is that we have been called to be a part of a community of believers that have all things in common. In the community of believers there should be safety and comfort in sharing with others.

The problem however that is that we succumb to two false ideas:

• Conceit and pride keeps us from sharing with others that we are hurting and that we need others to step up to plate. Pride binds us from being obedient to God’s commands.
  
• Comparing ourselves with others and believing that no one else has gone through or is going through what we are experiencing.
  

The goal of confessing our need for forgiveness is that we:

• Have someone to hold us accountable. The goal here is that while we are walking through the process we will have someone that will hold our feet to the fire. When we shy away from the truth or the needed response we have someone to keep us on tract. By having someone hold us in accountability we also have someone that can encourage us when we are weak or feel like giving up because forgiveness is a process.
  
• Have someone who will intercede on our behalf. To intercede we are praying for the Holy Spirit to invade the other person’s life so that they will know His presence and the power of redemption and thus the power of following through with their walk of forgiveness.
  

When you confess choose carefully. Toward the end of the movie Indian Jones and the Last Crusade, Jones meets the ancient Knight Templar who guards the “Holy Grail”, but there are many choices, gold cups, platinum, silver, terra cotta and wood. The knight says “you must choose, but choose wisely, for as the real grail brings eternal life, the false grail brings death”. The bad guy comes in and chooses a glittering golden cup. “Truly the cup of a king”, he says and drinks from it. Shortly later, with several horrific transformations, he deteriorates and turns to dust. The knight looks at them and simply says “He choose poorly”. Jones selects a wooden cup “The cup of a Gallilean carpenter” he says, and with much fear, having seen the results before, drinks from it. “You choose wisely” says the knight.

So it is with choosing who we confess our shortcomings and sin to. The right person will bring life or they will bring death. Therefore we do

• Not share with just anyone. We choose those that can be trusted and that the people we know will keep our confidence.
  
• Not everyone. The problem sometimes is that we will share with anyone that will listen.
  
• Someone you can trust. If the person cannot be trusted don’t share with them. You are asking for trouble. This also means someone that will listen but does not try and fix every situation.
  

Go and seek forgiveness. There is a point where you have to put everything into action and go and ask forgiveness or begin to forgive yourself.

The fact is that there is huge risk in granting forgiveness. For one the one who is being asked to forgive may not respond. It is a risk because it is possible that the situation will get worse before it gets better. Forgiveness is a risk but it is a worthwhile risk that reaps huge benefits personally and corporately.

Listen to this story of Corrie Ten Boom and her confrontation with forgiving one who had brought her and her family much pain.

“It was in a church in Munich that I saw him—a balding, heavyset man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken, moving along the rows of wooden chairs to the door at the rear. It was 1947 and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives. “It was the truth they needed most to hear in that bitter, bombed-out land, and I gave them my favorite mental picture. Maybe because the sea is never far from a Hollander’s mind, I liked to think that that’s where forgiven sins were thrown. ‘When we confess our sins,’ I said, ‘God casts them into the deepest ocean, gone forever. …’ “The solemn faces stared back at me, not quite daring to believe. There were never questions after a talk in Germany in 1947. People stood up in silence, in silence collected their wraps, in silence left the room. “And that’s when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor; the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were! [Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbruck concentration camp where we were sent.] “Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’ “And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women? “But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze. ” ‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me. ” ‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’ “And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking? “It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do. “For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’ “I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that. “And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’ “And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. “‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’ “For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then”

(Excerpted from “I’m Still Learning to Forgive” by Corrie ten Boom. Reprinted by permission from Guideposts Magazine. Copyright © 1972 by Guideposts Associates, Inc., Carmel, New York 10512>).

When we finally forgive we must put a stake in the ground so that you are reminded everyday that you have forgiven that person. Write it in a book. Send a letter. Post it on a wall and every time you feel that you are struggling to forgive go back to that point in time and realize that you forgave and from that point forward you have begun to walk in forgiveness.

Clara Barton (founder of the American Red Cross) was once asked about an incredibly cruel act that someone had done to her years before. She seemed to have forgotten so her friend asked her “Don’t you remember?” “No” replied Clara Barton. “I distinctly remember forgetting it”.

I realized that this is not an easy process and that it often brings about more pain and hurt before there is a resolution of the issues. Forgive and watch what God does in your life.

Next week we will review how to seek reconciliation and healing in the relationship…. So stay tuned.

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness – The Process

The Giving of Forgiveness as a Gift

February 12, 2012

John 20:21-23 – Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.”

As we continue to understand the pathway to forgiveness we must come to a place where we understand that showing empathy does not in itself guarantee forgiveness but another step is requested. While empathy allows us to see the wrong done from another’s perspective it does not in itself bring healing. The next step is to give forgiveness as a gift. A gift is something that is given without any expectation of reproposity. It is given to show love and commitment.

As we take this journey there will always be a tension between doing what is right and living out the emotions that drive us. We must choose to do the right thing because it is the right thing.

There must come a time that we begin to act out forgiveness. Rather than just talk the talk we need to put our talk into action so that can actually forgive.

Let us look at two primary steps in offering forgiveness for a moment:

• First we need to remember God’s forgiveness. How many of us really understand the vastness of God’s forgiveness for us. Do you remember the moment you received Christ or a moment where He forgave you of some sin or wrong committed. As we have discussed already we know that forgiveness is a thread that runs throughout scripture. It is very much a part of the Biblical story as any other of the vivid stories of God’s forgiveness. The story of Moses wanted to see God’s glory but what he got was a vision of God’s character. The children of Israel had rebelled and in essence denied God and rejected Moses leadership. In a moment of desperation Moses called out for God to show him his glory.
  
  • When Moses wanted to see God, what God revealed was His character. We see this in Exodus 34:5-7 The LORD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”
    
    • Merciful
      
    • Gracious
      
    • Slow to anger
      
    • Abounding in steadfast love
      
    • Forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin
      
    • But he does not allow sin to go unpunished
      
  • We are called to forgive others as God has forgiven us. Throughout the New Testament we have a connection between God’s forgiveness and our forgiveness of others.
    
    • Matt 6:11-15 – Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
      
    • Mark 11:25-26 – And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” [But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses.]
      
    • Luke 6:37 – “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;
      
    • Luke 11:3-4 – Give us each day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.”
      
    • Colossians 3:13 – bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
      
    • Ephesians 4:32 – Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
      
  • What does this mean? We are beginning to forgive as God has forgiven us as God has forgiven us. To whom much is given much is required. When we understand what God has done for us we cannot help but forgive others. God forgave us not because we deserved it but because he loved us and desired to see the best for us.
    
• Secondly, we need to recall another’s forgiveness of us. Sometimes it is hard to imagine God’s forgiveness as it seems so distant and far from us but when we recall the power of another’s forgiveness, we can be overwhelmed and humbled. When we forgive others we find that we are stronger and freer in our relationships with others. In essence when we understand how much we have been forgiven we will want to forgive others.
  

Unforgiveness brings shame and hurt but we can be surprised by the act of forgiveness. The fact is God surprises us by His forgiveness and we are surprised by the effects of the forgiveness of others. We must step out by faith to give forgiveness.

True forgiveness is an altruistic gift which is an unselfish regard for another. It is giving something simply for the good of the other person. It is a love that thinks of others rather than oneself. While forgiving others positively effects you it is a gift to the other person so that whether the gift is received or not it is ok because we gave it out of the heart and for the right motivation.

• Guilt and shame – To forgive we must push past the guilt and shame that comes from the pain we feel. Too often the shame we feel and have experienced keeps us from moving toward a process of healing. In our shame we attempt to cover up what needs to be done. If we wait for our emotions to be right we will probably never forgive others. Our guilt and shame can be a hindrance to our recovery.
  
• Gratitude – When we give gifts of forgiveness and receive gifts of forgiveness we develop a sense of gratitude and thanksgiving. Many who have walked this path have made professions such as:
  
  • There was a giant weight lifted off of my shoulders.
    
  • I felt that the chains that enslaved me were cut off and that I was free.
    
  • Gratitude became the norm.
    
• Gift There is a point were we must take a step toward forgiveness. We offer forgiveness to those who do not deserve it because it is the right thing to do. We offer the gift of forgiveness to others because it is the example that Christ gave us. We offer the gift of forgiveness because we give gifts not expecting anything in return but because it is just that a gift. A gift is a gift because we give it and do not expect anything in return. There are times when we give gifts to those that cannot give any gift back to us. This includes forgiveness as well. It will cost us but it is worth it.  

One of the most beautiful stories of forgiveness is found in the story of Les Miserables. Jean Valjean one of the key characters in the story could give forgiveness because he had received forgiveness from Monsignor Bienvenue One of the most poignant moments in the play was when Jean Valjean had the opportunity to have Inspector Javert killed but because he remembered the power of forgiveness he received for the Monsignor and instead of taking revenge he walked in forgiveness and released Javert. He every right to have him killed but he chose rather to walk in forgiveness.

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness – The Process

Showing Empathy

February 5, 2012

Colossians 3:7-13 – …. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator…. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

As we begin this morning, let me take a moment to review some of the key principles that we have learned through this series. First we understand forgiveness as both a decision and as a process where the emotions must catch up to the decisions we have made. David Ausburger stated that forgiveness is a series of individual decisions and incremental steps toward total forgiveness. Secondly, we have seen that forgiveness is as much for us individually as it is for the other person. If the other person never accepts our forgiveness or ever responds to us we can know that we have done the right thing.

We must remember that forgiving depends on feeling differently about a person who hurts you or offends you. We know that we have forgiven others when the victim can “view the wrongdoer with compassion, benevolence, and love while recognizing that he has willfully abandoned his right to them .

One of the keys to moving toward forgiveness is to empathize with the person who has wounded or hurt us. When we see things from their perspective it can change the way we feel about the individual. By empathizing with the other person we begin to see things from their perspective and we begin to understand why it is that they may have said or acted the way they might have.

So how do we do this” How do we empathize with others? Let me give you a few suggestions about this.

First, we must recognize that there are soft emotions often hidden behind hard emotions. What do I mean by this? It is that when someone hurts or wounds another many times it is because of a fear, worry, stress or other such emotions that they are dealing with. Sometimes a fear of failure or a lack of self-esteem causes one to negatively respond to others. The fact is that most people do not wake up in the morning looking for ways to hurt others. In fact these folks are usually more needy than they appear. Think about a time in your life when you hurt or wounded someone unintentionally.

Secondly, people are often influenced by situations around them. Too often the situation causes them to respond in a way that causes hurt to others. One might be tired, afraid of losing their job. I once worked for a boss that would fly off the handle and would be curt and rude in their remarks. It seemed that he was always trying to prove himself and his authority. On one occasion we were invited to a party where he and his wife attended. What we found is that his wife was constantly attacking him, correcting him and putting him down in front of those in attendance at the party. On the job he was simply reacting to his situation at home.

Thirdly, people are generally wired for survival. In other words when they feel cornered or attacked themselves they will respond in kind. This could be a real attack or an imaginary one.

Fourthly, people are conditioned by past experiences. Have you ever witnessed a child that might flinch when you raise your hand around them. Many times this is a result of abuse in the home or the fact that when the child did something wrong, they would be slapped by a parent. The result is that they have been conditioned to flinch. For some folks they have been conditioned to hurt and wound because they have been hurt and wounded and have never received healing for their woundedness.

Fifthly, people don’t think things through when they are hurt. In many cases people react rather than act upon the issues that they confront. Rather than stopping to think about what their words or actions may do they hastily speak out. Have you ever said something that you wish you could take back almost as soon as you said it or in today’s environment as soon as you push the send button?

But as believers in Christ, we should have a different approach. Consider that you a Christian. What does that mean to you and to the other person. When we are passionate followers of Christ we respond and act differently. We must understand the following:

• You are being transformed. The fact is once we received Christ there was a transformation that took place. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 Paul reminded the believers that they are new creations in Christ. He stated, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” But in Romans 12:2 Paul reminded believers that they were also in a process of transformation. Because we are in a process of transformation into Christ’s image we are also learning how to think about others. While we are not perfect we are perfectable. Therefore we are allowing God to work in us all that we need.
• As believers we also have God’s nature within us. John wrote that ” No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God” (I John 3:9). This is because we have a desire now to please God and to honor God in everything we do. That is why it is hard for us to do anything without the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
• As believers not only are we being transformed and not only do we realize we have God’s nature within us but we also realize that have the mind of Christ. In Romans 8:10 Paul stated, “But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.” And again in Colossians 3:3 Paul states, “For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”
• We are led by the Holy Spirit. “If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you” (Romans 8:11) and But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law” (Galatians 5:18). Because we are led by the Holy Spirit we do not have to respond as others do. We can respond as in love and genuine care for others.

Thus we recognize that we have been called to treat others differently as commanded by:

• Colossians 3:8-14 “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
• Galatians 5:19-25″ Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. “
• Ephesians 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. “

We must believe that often the things that bug us in others is what we are struggling with or is a weakness in us.