Life on the edge

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness – The Process

The Giving of Forgiveness as a Gift

February 12, 2012

John 20:21-23 – Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.”

As we continue to understand the pathway to forgiveness we must come to a place where we understand that showing empathy does not in itself guarantee forgiveness but another step is requested. While empathy allows us to see the wrong done from another’s perspective it does not in itself bring healing. The next step is to give forgiveness as a gift. A gift is something that is given without any expectation of reproposity. It is given to show love and commitment.

As we take this journey there will always be a tension between doing what is right and living out the emotions that drive us. We must choose to do the right thing because it is the right thing.

There must come a time that we begin to act out forgiveness. Rather than just talk the talk we need to put our talk into action so that can actually forgive.

Let us look at two primary steps in offering forgiveness for a moment:

• First we need to remember God’s forgiveness. How many of us really understand the vastness of God’s forgiveness for us. Do you remember the moment you received Christ or a moment where He forgave you of some sin or wrong committed. As we have discussed already we know that forgiveness is a thread that runs throughout scripture. It is very much a part of the Biblical story as any other of the vivid stories of God’s forgiveness. The story of Moses wanted to see God’s glory but what he got was a vision of God’s character. The children of Israel had rebelled and in essence denied God and rejected Moses leadership. In a moment of desperation Moses called out for God to show him his glory.
  
  • When Moses wanted to see God, what God revealed was His character. We see this in Exodus 34:5-7 The LORD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”
    
    • Merciful
      
    • Gracious
      
    • Slow to anger
      
    • Abounding in steadfast love
      
    • Forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin
      
    • But he does not allow sin to go unpunished
      
  • We are called to forgive others as God has forgiven us. Throughout the New Testament we have a connection between God’s forgiveness and our forgiveness of others.
    
    • Matt 6:11-15 – Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
      
    • Mark 11:25-26 – And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” [But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses.]
      
    • Luke 6:37 – “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;
      
    • Luke 11:3-4 – Give us each day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.”
      
    • Colossians 3:13 – bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
      
    • Ephesians 4:32 – Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
      
  • What does this mean? We are beginning to forgive as God has forgiven us as God has forgiven us. To whom much is given much is required. When we understand what God has done for us we cannot help but forgive others. God forgave us not because we deserved it but because he loved us and desired to see the best for us.
    
• Secondly, we need to recall another’s forgiveness of us. Sometimes it is hard to imagine God’s forgiveness as it seems so distant and far from us but when we recall the power of another’s forgiveness, we can be overwhelmed and humbled. When we forgive others we find that we are stronger and freer in our relationships with others. In essence when we understand how much we have been forgiven we will want to forgive others.
  

Unforgiveness brings shame and hurt but we can be surprised by the act of forgiveness. The fact is God surprises us by His forgiveness and we are surprised by the effects of the forgiveness of others. We must step out by faith to give forgiveness.

True forgiveness is an altruistic gift which is an unselfish regard for another. It is giving something simply for the good of the other person. It is a love that thinks of others rather than oneself. While forgiving others positively effects you it is a gift to the other person so that whether the gift is received or not it is ok because we gave it out of the heart and for the right motivation.

• Guilt and shame – To forgive we must push past the guilt and shame that comes from the pain we feel. Too often the shame we feel and have experienced keeps us from moving toward a process of healing. In our shame we attempt to cover up what needs to be done. If we wait for our emotions to be right we will probably never forgive others. Our guilt and shame can be a hindrance to our recovery.
  
• Gratitude – When we give gifts of forgiveness and receive gifts of forgiveness we develop a sense of gratitude and thanksgiving. Many who have walked this path have made professions such as:
  
  • There was a giant weight lifted off of my shoulders.
    
  • I felt that the chains that enslaved me were cut off and that I was free.
    
  • Gratitude became the norm.
    
• Gift There is a point were we must take a step toward forgiveness. We offer forgiveness to those who do not deserve it because it is the right thing to do. We offer the gift of forgiveness to others because it is the example that Christ gave us. We offer the gift of forgiveness because we give gifts not expecting anything in return but because it is just that a gift. A gift is a gift because we give it and do not expect anything in return. There are times when we give gifts to those that cannot give any gift back to us. This includes forgiveness as well. It will cost us but it is worth it.  

One of the most beautiful stories of forgiveness is found in the story of Les Miserables. Jean Valjean one of the key characters in the story could give forgiveness because he had received forgiveness from Monsignor Bienvenue One of the most poignant moments in the play was when Jean Valjean had the opportunity to have Inspector Javert killed but because he remembered the power of forgiveness he received for the Monsignor and instead of taking revenge he walked in forgiveness and released Javert. He every right to have him killed but he chose rather to walk in forgiveness.

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness – The Process

Showing Empathy

February 5, 2012

Colossians 3:7-13 – …. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator…. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

As we begin this morning, let me take a moment to review some of the key principles that we have learned through this series. First we understand forgiveness as both a decision and as a process where the emotions must catch up to the decisions we have made. David Ausburger stated that forgiveness is a series of individual decisions and incremental steps toward total forgiveness. Secondly, we have seen that forgiveness is as much for us individually as it is for the other person. If the other person never accepts our forgiveness or ever responds to us we can know that we have done the right thing.

We must remember that forgiving depends on feeling differently about a person who hurts you or offends you. We know that we have forgiven others when the victim can “view the wrongdoer with compassion, benevolence, and love while recognizing that he has willfully abandoned his right to them .

One of the keys to moving toward forgiveness is to empathize with the person who has wounded or hurt us. When we see things from their perspective it can change the way we feel about the individual. By empathizing with the other person we begin to see things from their perspective and we begin to understand why it is that they may have said or acted the way they might have.

So how do we do this” How do we empathize with others? Let me give you a few suggestions about this.

First, we must recognize that there are soft emotions often hidden behind hard emotions. What do I mean by this? It is that when someone hurts or wounds another many times it is because of a fear, worry, stress or other such emotions that they are dealing with. Sometimes a fear of failure or a lack of self-esteem causes one to negatively respond to others. The fact is that most people do not wake up in the morning looking for ways to hurt others. In fact these folks are usually more needy than they appear. Think about a time in your life when you hurt or wounded someone unintentionally.

Secondly, people are often influenced by situations around them. Too often the situation causes them to respond in a way that causes hurt to others. One might be tired, afraid of losing their job. I once worked for a boss that would fly off the handle and would be curt and rude in their remarks. It seemed that he was always trying to prove himself and his authority. On one occasion we were invited to a party where he and his wife attended. What we found is that his wife was constantly attacking him, correcting him and putting him down in front of those in attendance at the party. On the job he was simply reacting to his situation at home.

Thirdly, people are generally wired for survival. In other words when they feel cornered or attacked themselves they will respond in kind. This could be a real attack or an imaginary one.

Fourthly, people are conditioned by past experiences. Have you ever witnessed a child that might flinch when you raise your hand around them. Many times this is a result of abuse in the home or the fact that when the child did something wrong, they would be slapped by a parent. The result is that they have been conditioned to flinch. For some folks they have been conditioned to hurt and wound because they have been hurt and wounded and have never received healing for their woundedness.

Fifthly, people don’t think things through when they are hurt. In many cases people react rather than act upon the issues that they confront. Rather than stopping to think about what their words or actions may do they hastily speak out. Have you ever said something that you wish you could take back almost as soon as you said it or in today’s environment as soon as you push the send button?

But as believers in Christ, we should have a different approach. Consider that you a Christian. What does that mean to you and to the other person. When we are passionate followers of Christ we respond and act differently. We must understand the following:

• You are being transformed. The fact is once we received Christ there was a transformation that took place. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 Paul reminded the believers that they are new creations in Christ. He stated, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” But in Romans 12:2 Paul reminded believers that they were also in a process of transformation. Because we are in a process of transformation into Christ’s image we are also learning how to think about others. While we are not perfect we are perfectable. Therefore we are allowing God to work in us all that we need.
• As believers we also have God’s nature within us. John wrote that ” No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God” (I John 3:9). This is because we have a desire now to please God and to honor God in everything we do. That is why it is hard for us to do anything without the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
• As believers not only are we being transformed and not only do we realize we have God’s nature within us but we also realize that have the mind of Christ. In Romans 8:10 Paul stated, “But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.” And again in Colossians 3:3 Paul states, “For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”
• We are led by the Holy Spirit. “If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you” (Romans 8:11) and But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law” (Galatians 5:18). Because we are led by the Holy Spirit we do not have to respond as others do. We can respond as in love and genuine care for others.

Thus we recognize that we have been called to treat others differently as commanded by:

• Colossians 3:8-14 “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
• Galatians 5:19-25″ Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. “
• Ephesians 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. “

We must believe that often the things that bug us in others is what we are struggling with or is a weakness in us.

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness – The Process

January 29, 2012

Mark 11:25 – And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Dr. Everett Worthington, professor of psychology at Richmond University, has developed a process that will help individuals navigate through to forgiveness. It is from his book “Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to wholeness and Hope” that I take much of my notes today.

The first step to forgiveness is to recall the hurt. In some ways this may sound contradictory to what we have already discussed but to successfully navigate to a position of complete forgiveness we must recall or remember the hurt. Otherwise our forgiveness will be like my children when they were younger. When they would do something wrong we would require that they ask forgiveness and apologize for what they had done. The problem too often is that they would say a hasty apology without understanding why they were apologizing and what they were asking forgiveness for. When we would ask them why, they did not know. If we are not careful we will come to the place where we will find ourselves asking forgiveness without knowing why we are asking. But, if we are to navigate through the pain to complete healing we must understand the area of need and why we need to either forgive or receive forgiveness.

The Scripture we read this morning implies that in prayer the one praying realized that they had a specific issue with another person and Jesus issues a command that when we find a reason we need to seek forgiveness.

As we begin to seek forgiveness we must understand what kind of wounds we might have. Do you have nickel wounds, five dollar wounds or five hundred dollar wounds? You see a nickel wound is the kind that comes when the parking space you were sitting and waiting for was taken by someone else. It is an issue but it doesn’t require a confrontation other than dealing with the anger you might feel within yourself. It may hurt for a second but we quickly get over it. But if we don’t deal with 5 cent wounds they can become five dollar wounds.

On the other hand a five dollar wound might be the type when someone embarrasses us by saying something that hurts us but they quickly respond and attempt to make it right. Again this is a painful moment but we should be able to get over it and resolve the issue fairly quickly.

However, at the five hundred dollar level there has been significant pain and hurt involved. These wounds often leave a lasting impression on your psyche. In fact these wounds often begin to define or redefine who you are. For example if it is a wound of rejection you can begin to imagine that everyone is either rejecting you or that they will reject you. These wounds change you for ever. Perhaps it is a divorce. Perhaps it is the child who rebels and makes decisions that impact them but also your family. Perhaps it is sexual abuse that mars your trust in others from that point forward.

Let me just say that too often we reside in the nickel wound area rather than dealing with the big issues. My thoughts over the next few weeks relate to the five hundred dollar wounds but can also be applied to the five dollar and the 5 cent wounds as well.

We usually know that we have a wound or an area of our lives that needs forgiveness because of how we respond to the wounds in our lives. How do we respond to wounds? We usually respond emotionally in various ways. For example, we may respond in any of the following ways:

• Fear – when we are hurt our brain and body tend to avoid future hurts. If similar events or actions occur the emotional alarms are set off. In Genesis 32:7 we see Jacob being fearful of his encounter with Esau.
  
• Anger – When offended we can get angry. We will either respond most often with anger or with fear. We will be thin skinned and be offended by almost any thing. They expect hurt or injury because of the fear that is resident within them. Or people are walking around like volcanoes and waiting only for a place to spew their fire or venom.
  
• Avoidance – Woundedness causes us to want to avoid the offender or anyone that reminds us of the offender.
  
• Retaliation/revenge – Retaliation is striking back with little forethought. Revenge on the other hand is plotted, planned and executed in cold blood.
  
• Attack – Some offenses cause us to go for the jugular.
  

The wages of chronic unforgiveness is eventual illness – physically, morally, relationally and spiritually.

As we look at this issue of forgiveness we must first understand how we are not to recall a wound?

• Rumination – Rumination is the act of continuing to revisit the cause of the wound but refusing to do anything about it. By recalling we are called to act upon the issue.
  
• Bitter unforgiveness – the second way to not recall a wound is to allow bitterness to set in. We are reminded in Hebrews 12:15 warns us about allowing a root of bitterness to spring up in our life. A root of bitterness causes us to do things irrationally and on a whim rather than from a position of strength and power in Christ. When I am weak, He is strong.
  

So how do we recall a hurt?

• Start with prayer. We begin like Jesus commands in the verse above. When we pray and ask God will show us where we need to seek forgiveness. He will give us a plan.
  
• Create an accurate
  picture of what the wound is. We also need to be careful and not imagine things that are not real. Perhaps this is where Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. It is at this stage that we need to have a true and authentic picture of what has offended us and why.
  
  
• Begin to step towards a lifestyle and act of forgiveness. Write it down and develop a plan.
  

Where do you need God’s forgiveness? Would you pray with me that God will help you move from a place of woundedness and hurt to a place of healing and hope.

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness

January 15, 2012

Ephesians 4:26 & Hebrews 12:15 – Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil …. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled…

When we fail to walk in forgiveness we give room for the enemy of our souls to cause a root of bitterness to grow and once this root has found its place it effects us physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally. It is interesting to note that in ancient times a “root of bitterness” was equated to “poison.” Enemies would use poison roots as a means to make their enemies sick or even have them killed. It is for this reason that Paul admonishes us to deal with our anger and fear immediately so that we are not poisoned by our negative emotions which can lead to the death of our emotions.

When we fail to walk in forgiveness there is a process that brings us to unforgiveness:

• Someone commits a transgression against us. It might be an act, a sin, a word spoken or a broken promise that bring us pain.
  
• There is a perception of offense or hurt. This can be real or imaginary. Rather imaginary or real these issues can be just as hard to deal with.
  
• Hot emotions are felt. – anger, fear resentment.
  
• We begin to ruminate about the events. We rehearse the events over and over and each time the pain of the event grows stronger.
  
• The result is unforgiveness
  

When this occurs we can play a game in our minds and begin to think of all of the reasons we should not forgive or take this action toward forgiveness.

Reasons we don’t forgive:

1. Seeking forgiveness requires that we humble ourselves. It is humbling experience to seek for forgiveness. This especially true when it is an issue that hurt or wounded us deeply.
   
2. We have been misled by the phrase forgive and forget. Forgiveness is not forgetting. This is a mistake to think that when we forgive others that we automatically if ever forget the action that occurred. The fact is we never forget. Only God does that and if then the idea that is presented here is that there is not a function of memory lapse but rather we now move to a place where the transgression is not held against the other person or we no longer feel the pain associated with the transgression. The reality is that even God does not forget but He changes the way He deals with us. This is what happens when we forgive others, we in essence change the way we deal with the other party.
   
3. Forgiveness obstructs justice. The key here is that we realize that the act of forgiveness does not in any way stop the process of the other person receiving there reward for the wrongs they have committed. There are consequences to people’s actions. For example, you might forgive the other person of murdering a family member or robbing from you but that does not mean that they we not should go to jail for what they have done. There are consequences to sin and transgression. Another example would be a spouse that abuses their spouse. While the wife may forgive their spouse, wisdom would be that she not lives under the same roof with him until he receives the necessary counseling and subsequent healing he needs to be restored. I have seen spouses who stay in a home where they have been physically abused endlessly. There answer for not dealing with the situation is that they love him.
   
4. We fear that by walking in forgiveness that we present ourselves as being weak or a coward. To forgive is a cowardly act. To forgive by some is a sign of weakness. Meekness and humility must never be confused with weakness. This theory was born out of the belief that to forgive others was a sign of weakness.
   
5. We feel that forgiveness is a one time event. But forgiveness is both a decision and it is a process. We can all ask for forgiveness and get an immediate response but the fact is that emotional we do not feel forgiven or like forgiving.
   

When we consider the pathway to forgiveness we must recognize that there are two types of forgiveness primarily:

1. Decisional – immediate
   
2. Emotional
   

The first of these is forgiveness as a decision. Decisional forgiveness is just what it appears to me. We have made a decision that we will forgive or accept the other person’s apology. For example, “I forgot about our meeting, will you forgive me?” In decisional forgiveness we might be hurt and disappointed but we act quickly to assure the other person that we do not intend to hold the mistake against the friend. We also agree whether we are aware of it or not to control our behavior toward the other person and to restore the relationship to where it was before the transgression. The problem is however that while decisional forgiveness might be immediate one’s emotions usually take longer to navigate.

The second type of forgiveness is emotional forgiveness. This is the type of forgiveness that changes the heart. While decisional forgiveness is immediate emotional forgiveness takes time. We must go back to the place where we have made a decision to forgive over and over again.

Peninsula Community Church

The Pathway to Forgiveness

January 8, 2012

Mat 6:12 …. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Defining Forgiveness – In the writings of David Augsburger, he suggests that forgiveness requires a process of letting go. The root meaning of forgiveness in biblical terms refers to “releasing” or “letting go.” The literal meaning of forgive is “to send away” or “dismiss.”

Before we begin this study there must be an understanding that forgiveness is not dependent on the other person. In fact, I can forgive and walk in forgiveness regardless of what the other person does. Therefore, we must not confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. And yet, forgiveness does not mean that we forget or ignore the pain that the wound has caused, it simply means that we forgive so that we can deal with the issues that brought unforgiveness in a positive and genuine way.

The first step in this pathway to forgiveness is for us to realize that we all have opportunity to forgive and be forgiven and that we are all affected by both unforgiveness and forgiveness.

Theme of Forgiveness runs throughout Scripture – In this discussion we must understand that forgiveness is one of the many themes that run throughout Scripture. From cover to cover the Bible shows the way of forgiveness and it gives its readers multiple illustrations of what effective forgiveness means and how it is to be transacted in one’s life. It also shows us ultimate forgiveness as seen in the death of Christ on the Cross. You see forgiveness and the redemption of mankind has always been the goal and at the heart of Christ.

We have all experienced a need to negotiate forgiveness. Everyone one of us have been in that place where we have either wounded or hurt someone else or we have been wounded or hurt. There are no exceptions. The degree of to which you have been wounded may differ but there has been woundedness in all of us and it is that wound that requires us to forgive.

Antidotal stories – We have all been impacted by the need to forgive or be forgiven. We could share a whole list of antidotal scenarios to understand this. You may remember the story of the Amish in Nickel Mines, PA. It was in this tiny community that a man stormed into a one-room schoolhouse and shot 10 young girls, killing five of them. Since the tragedy, people around the world have been amazed and inspired by the way the Amish have expressed forgiveness toward the killer and his family. Charles Roberts was not Amish. He was the milk truck driver but the Amish collected money for the family even in the midst of their own tragedy. Donald Kraybill, is a sociologist at nearby Elizabethtown College and co-author of Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy. “I think the most powerful demonstration of the depth of Amish forgiveness was when members of the Amish community went to the killer’s burial service at the cemetery,” Kraybill says. “Several families, Amish families who had buried their own daughters just the day before were in attendance and they hugged the widow, and hugged other members of the killer’s family.”

We can also include other such times where forgiveness may have been needed in our lives:

1. The mom who was murdered by intruders.
2. The brother who stole money from the family.
3. The sister’s drug problem and her abandonment of her family and children.
4. The cutting and biting remarks of a parent.
5. The rejection of divorce or the shame of abuse.
6. The betrayal of a friend in whom you have confided.
7. The wrongs and sins committed against others.

We all stand in the need to give and receive forgiveness. The reason for this is multifaceted for the following reasons.

• We have a carnal nature. We have a propensity to sin and to hurt others. Even in the best of us there something that brings out hurt and wounds. We do not intend to. For most us we do not wake up in the morning and say “what a great day to make someone mad at me.”
  
• We interact with other people who are different from us. The fact is just because we are created differently we are candidates to hurt and wound those around us and to be hurt or wounded by those we encounter.
  
  • We have different personalities that form and shape used determine how we respond to the issues of life.
    
  • We have different temperaments that cause us to react to various stimuli in totally different ways.
    
  • We also have a difference in the experiences that have shaped us. How we saw others respond to issues of conflict will most likely be the way we respond.
    
• We live with ourselves. Too often we have not learned to forgive ourselves much less forgive others for the wrongs we have committed. James 4:1-3 says it best –What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. The problem that exists too often is that we love to use our wounds and hurts to our advantage because we feel justified in our anger toward others.
• We cannot forget that we have an enemy who loves to bring division, hurt and pain into our lives and our relationships. 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour
  

   

When we walk in unforgiveness we allow others to dictate how we live.

• We avoid others. We will change our seat in the sanctuary to avoid sitting next to the person that has hurt us. We will leave a church because of an offense.
  
• We falsely transfer our hurt to others. Instead of dealing with unforgiveness we often transfer that hurt to others and in the process we end up hurting others. The fact is that hurt people hurt people.
  
• We spend an inordinate
  amount of time thinking about the person and in considering ways to get even. Our focus becomes “how do we get even?” or we focus on the pain to the point that we cannot get anything else done.
  

But what release comes when we walk in forgiveness and release others and ourselves from the pain. Where do you hold unforgiveness today? Who controls you today because you have not released them from their failures? Remember that forgiveness is for the one forgiving and not you.

Peninsula Community Church

Making Resolutions that Count

January 1, 2012

Philippians 3:13-15 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.

It is always interesting to me as to how many people make New Year’s resolutions and then never keep them. Most resolutions made are broken by February. Of course, I have been just as guilty as anyone else. I make a positive and genuine gesture to make a change that will benefit me either physically, emotionally or spiritually. For example for a number of years I would make a resolution to read through the Bible in that year. If I read three chapters during the week and five on Sunday I could accomplish the task. Everything would start well but on day three or four I would end up missing a chapter. On the following day instead of reading four chapters, I would only read two chapters. Now I am behind two chapters. But on over the weekend I will catch up but something happens and I only read three chapters over the whole weekend. Now I am behind eight chapters and as the week goes on this gets worse so eventually I give up.

The same thing happens to us whether it is losing weight or trying to stop smoking or drinking less. We do well but then we have a failure of some sort and soon we give up. It is not by chance that advertisers increase their advertising dollars for weight loss programs, and other such programs at the beginning of each year because they know that people will inevitably make a weight loss resolution.

A few years ago I spoke to the director of the YMCA at Smith Mountain Lake and she said that every year in January that there is a huge increase in the numbers of people who join the YMCA because they have made a resolution to lose weight. But, by the end of February their numbers are down and people end up paying for a service they never use. The first few weeks of the New Year are extremely busy but by mid February the numbers of people coming into the center are down.

A survey has shown that there are some common resolutions made every year. A number of these show up on every list:

• Lose weight
• Become better parents
• Work less
• Enjoy life more
• Take up a hobby
• Become debt free
  

 But here are some resolutions that I am sure that you will never hear:

• Spend more time watching TV / movies.
• Chat more over phone / Internet.
• Read less.
• I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
• Stop exercising.
• Waste time doing nothing.
• Procrastinate more.
• Spend more time at work.
• Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
• I am going to be a bigger pain in the neck.
• Go deeper in debt.
  

The idea of being circumspect and reviewing our life is critical to our growth as believers. But we do this evaluation with an understanding that we cannot change the past but we can certainly impact and make a difference in the future. As we look back, we can learn both positive and negative lessons that will benefit us for the future. As we look back, we also walk forward to a new day with a sense of forgiveness for wrongs committed by us or to us and an inner gratefulness for all that God has done for us and in us. This does not mean that we forget about the past or what has happened to us or what events have transpired but we allow these things to shape us and make is into the person who has greater strength, wisdom, patience and understanding of life.

Paul uses an Olympian symbol here. In the days of the Greek games the winners of the games would be brought forward and have a prize placed around their neck. It is similar to our Olympic games today where the name of the athlete is named, his country an d the event he won is announced. The prize that he was looking to was the recognition of a greater understanding of who Christ is and a deepening relationship with Christ.

Paul in Philippians 3:13-15 understood this process. Paul understood that the greatest resolution that could be made is to press forward in our understanding of Christ. He had a goal that was in front of him and he was pressing toward that goal. Paul says here that we forget that which is behind us and we press on to the prize of God. This is not an implication that there is a lack of forgiveness but a realization that nothing can be changed about the past.

Lessons we should learn:

1. We must not allow our past to dictate our future. We have all made mistakes and have failures.
   
2. We must never become stagnate in our growth in Christ. This is why Paul states that we should forget the past for the past will usher in guilt and despair as we look at the failures and mistakes made.
   
3. We must never stand on past laurels and victories or successes. We must never consider ourselves to have arrived at some spiritual place that exempts us form any further growth.
   
4. We must keep our focus on getting to know Christ in a greater way. the prize and not on those who are running the race or on the competition.
   

But what is the prize that Paul is looking to receive. To understand this we must go to the previous verses for it was Paul’s desire that whatever else he had attained would be counted as rubbish when compared to his every growing understanding of Christ. Paul in the previous verses open the door for us to understand that his greatest desire was to know Christ more. This was not just knowledge of Christ but that deep understanding of who Christ is and an understanding of his character. The problem is that too often we look for his hand and not his character.

So what is the greatest resolution we can make. It is this that in 2012 we would make it priority to know and understand Christ and His ways even more than we have in 2011 or any year prior to this one.

As we consider our resolutions for this year let us consider a couple of things. Resolutions we can make:.

1. Commit to pray for one another and for the church
   
2. Consider sharing
   Christ with someone at least once a WEEEK.
   
3. Consider inviting one or more families to join you at church.
   
4. Look to do something for someone in the name of Jesus.
   
5. Develop a regular Bible reading and study habit in order to understand his character. Look for ways in the scriptures that God’s character is revealed.
   
6. Begin a journal where you record the ways you see God’s character in action in your life and the revelation of who He is.
   
7. Learn something new this year. Pray for God to show you what that might me.
   

    

As we close the service today we are going to gather around the Lord’s Table. Because there is no greater place to accomplish this and to come to an understanding of God’s character than around the Lord’s Table where we can repent of past wrongs and begin a new year filled with hope and the idea that I do not have to repeat the failures of the past.

 Pause for a moment of meditation. What would you change about your life? What regrets do you have from 2011? Are there areas of guilt or shame that overtake you? Are their people in your life that you need to forgive or need to seek their forgiveness?

 Let’s pray.

Peninsula Community Church

The Miracle of Christmas – the Manger!

December 26, 2011

 John 1:1-4, 14 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not an thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

The birth and life of Jesus came with some amazing claims and promises. What does Jesus claim to be? Let me list just a couple of these for you.

• One of the first things He and scripture claim is that He is the Son of God. On two occasions God Himself proclaimed that Jesus was the Son of God.
  
  • The first occasion was at his baptism in Matthew 3:77 and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
    
  • The second occasion was at his transfiguration in Matthew 17:5 He was still speaking when, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him.”
    
• Secondly he claims to be the Savior of the world. In John 3:16 John proclaimed that God so loved the world that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but will have eternal life.
  
• Thirdly, He is the only way to heaven. I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father but by me. John 14.
  
• Fourthly, He has the authority to forgive sins – Matthew 9:6; Mark 2:10; Luke 5:24.
  
• Fifth, He is the only path to eternal life – John 3:15
  

What do you do with these claims? There are some who would ignore them. There are others who are respectful to Jesus but don’t take His astonishing claims that serious. The religion of Islam teaches that Jesus was a prophet and teacher. The Hindu believes that Jesus is just one of many ways of finding God. Many people admire Jesus from a distance, but when it comes right down to it, He’s just a nice man who has some nice stories written about.

It interesting that these claims have been made by someone who:

• Never led an army
  
• Never wrote a book
  
• Never ran a corporate enterprise
  
• Never held political office
  

For some people these are extravagant claims. The reason this seems so is that for many today the problem is that we have been desensitized to believing and trusting anyone’s claims. We have all been given promises and had claims made about certain products and people only to find these products are less than their marketing make them out to be.

• Scientifically – The earth is flat, the sun rotated around the earth and if one had an infection they would bleed them out.
  
• Medically – Don’t drink coffee, eat butter not margarine; eat butter not margarine.
  
• Politically – Don’t worry social security is safe, your taxes will never go up, I promise to keep you mind when I vote in Congress.
  
• Relationally – I promise to love you.
  
• Commercially – This car was driven by a little old lady from Pasadena.
  

You get the idea, promises made only to be broken. The problem is that we have become suspect of anyone that makes claims that seem impossible.

But what if His claims are true? What does that mean for us? How would we be changed if we truly believed?

You see that what we decide about Jesus has both eternal and earthly implications. What we decide will determine our eternal destiny and our earthly direction.
 

C.S. Lewis explained that Jesus did not leave us the option of just respecting Him as a good, noble teacher. His claims leave no room for that position, even though it is very popular. We really only have three options concerning what to make of these claims. He is who He claims to be, the Lord of All. Or, He made these claims knowing that they were false and therefore He is a liar. Or third, He made these claims because He believed them to be true but in reality they were not, which makes Him deceived or a lunatic.

But we know his claims are true and what he said can be trusted.
 

The question here today is what if his claims were true. What would that mean for us? It would mean that we can trust his words and believe that all he has said and done is true and that he has us in mind in all that he does.

• It means that we can trust him with our lives.
  
• It means we can trust him with our family.
  
• It means that if we trust Him with our lives that we have the promise of eternal life in heaven with him.
  

Do you believe?
One of the Christmas classic movies is “Miracle on 34^th Street.” An old man claims to be Santa Claus but no one believes in him. They end up going to court to prove that he exists and they present the court with bag after bag of letters addressed to Santa Clause. It is at this moment that everyone begins to believe that he is indeed the one he claims to be.

It is not enough just to believe but you must step out in faith to receive and live out all that he has given and promised. In believing in Him, He will wipe away the pain of the past and remove the burden of guilt and regret. He alone can give us a reason for living and can fill us with the fullness of His love, His life and His grace.

The Miracle of Christmas

The Message

Hebrews 1:1-2 Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world.

God has spoken in the past. As we see in this passage God has spoken to His people in many different ways. “Long ago” He would speak to a prophet or key leader and then that leader would speak to the people. As we read through the Old Testament we see many different ways and people that God used to speak.

• Moses – the burning bush (Exodus 3)
  
• Elijah – the still small voice
  
• Elisha – It was a whirlwind (2 Kings 2)
  
• Isaiah – through a vision (Isaiah 6)
  
• Joseph – through a dream (Genesis 37)
  
• Hosea – through his family circumstances (Hosea 1)
  
• Jeremiah – the potter’s clay (Jeremiah 18)
  
• Balaam – through a donkey (Numbers 22)
  
• Abraham and Sarah – It was a visitor at night (Genesis 18)
  
• Jacob – it was wrestling with an angel (Genesis 32)
  

What we learn through this is that there is no lack of variety and means by which God will speak to us. He speaks in different ways and at different times in order to get his audience to hear Him. God will use whatever means is necessary to get our attention, to wake us up and to stir us into action.

It is interesting to note that for 400 years after the book of Malachi, the last book of the Old Testament, God had been silent. There were no significant books written. There was no evidence that God had spoken in any significant way. There was only silence.

God spoke directly to us through His Son. Things changed in the New Testament because God decided that it was time to speak directly to man through His son. God chose to use His Son to speak to us in ways no one before that time could. In John 1:1-14 John details the coming of Christ as the Word of God. “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” The Word, Jesus came to dwell with us so that He could communicate directly to us. In the right moment of time God sent His son so that He could interact with us. He came to express Himself and reveal Himself in ways we could understand and comprehend. He came as a man, to live as a man so that we could know how to live as a child of God.

Not only did Jesus, the Son, come to speak to us but He also came to reveal the Father to us. When we want to know what God looks like we look to Jesus as He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs (Hebrews 1:3-4). His word is truth and it is powerful for it is His very words that uphold the universe and controls destiny itself.

God continues to speak in order to bring transformation. When He speaks He doesn’t just speak for the sake of hearing his own voice but His words have purpose and meaning. Have you ever known someone who loved the sound of their own voice? He didn’t come to say what we wanted to hear but what we needed to hear. Jesus came to so that we could draw near and as we draw near to Him we are changed and transformed. He came to reveal the Father to us and to connect us to the father. His goal has always been to transform lives and not just be a great orator.

God speaks but too often we are not listening. God speaks to us today in a number of ways. He uses His Word. The Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts and guides our lives. God has given us pastors and teachers to speak into our lives. He uses the circumstances and events of our lives. He uses the people around us:our family and friends. He uses nature itself.

• Turning a deaf ear – Sometimes we do not hear him because we have turned a deaf ear. We ignore the words we hear and believe that we can do better than what God has commanded. Sometimes we have selective hearing. We listen when God communicates positive words but when it is a corrective word or a word that we think keeps us from doing what we want to do we reject those words.
  
• Too busy to hear – We can fill our calendars full with activity so that there is little time to hear what God is saying to us. Too much TV or newspapers or other media that keeps us from hearing God when He speaks to us.
  
• Too distracted – Too often there are distractions that keep us from hearing God’s word to us. We want to hear but we find it hard because there are so many other voices that are pulling against us. There are so many ideas and ways of living that are presented and there is confusion about which one is right.
  

We all receive messages that impact our lives but this is the moment that Christ’s words come alive.

We all hear messages that impact us negatively. The fact is we have an enemy that likes to distort and discourage us and he will take advantage of the events, circumstances and words spoken into our lives. Some of us, today, have heard some of the following and the words echo loudly in everything that we do and in every way we act.

• “You’ve got cancer or you have MS.” The enemy says be fearful and discouraged. There is no hope.
  
• “I don’t love you anymore and I want a divorce.” The enemy says that you are rejected and not worthy of anyone else’s love. You are unlovable.
  
• A teenage daughter who announces that they are pregnant. The enemy will say as a parent that you are a failure and it is your fault. He will remind you of all the things you should have done.
  
• “You’re fired or you’re laid off.” I am not worthy. I am not needed. I have no value. Once again fear and concern fill our hearts.
  
• “Mom/dad or sis I am gay.” Confusion, doubt and fear resonate upon this news.
  
• The enemy loves to convince us that we’re no good. We are a failure. We will not make it.
  

But it is in the midst of these messages God comes and speaks life and hope.

• There is nothing that will separate you from the love of God (Romans 8:36-38)
  
• Trust in me and I will direct your path (Proverbs 3:5-6)
  
• Forgive those that mistreat you or have done you wrong (Matt. 6:14-15; Mark 11:25-26; Luke 17:3-4; 2 Cor. 2:10-11)
  
• Rejoice and be glad for His has come (Matt 5:11-12; Luke 6:22-23; John 16:22; Rom 5:2; Rom 12:12-15; Phil 4:4; 1 Thess 5:16; 1 Peter 1:6-8).
  
• I have a plan for your life (Jeremiah 17)
  

Are you listening today? Do you hear His voice? Do you hear His message?