Tag Archives: faith

December 14, 2024 · 12:22 pm

What’s Love Got to Do with It?

Robert W. Odom PhD

In 1984, Tina Turner released a song titled “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” The song title proposes a great question. I want to look at the subject of love today. By the way, I think love has everything to do with it. That is God’s love.

Love is one of the most misunderstood words in our language today. We use the word love for so many things. I love my wife, good food, Alabama football, driving through the country, and enjoying the scenery. I love many things, but my love for these things is not equal.

As we delve into scripture, we discover that God is love personified. The Bible unequivocally proclaims that God is love. He is the very embodiment of love. The Bible reveals that He loved us before we even knew Him. Even more astounding is that He loved us before the world was created. This revelation is nothing short of mind-blowing. How could He love me, with all my imperfections and shortcomings? And how could He love me before I even existed? I cannot fathom the depth of His love, but I am humbled by it.

In life, we love to have representations of love. For example, rings are exchanged at weddings to show one’s love and commitment to one’s partner. God showed His love by sending His son to represent God’s love here on earth. He showed us how to love our neighbors and those who did not deserve love by society’s standards.

He healed the demonic, the broken, and the blind. All of these had been rejected, isolated, and condemned by the religious leaders and by the community they lived. He forgave the woman caught in adultery, and yet he spoke into the hearts of her accusers so that they did not have any grounds to follow through with their plan of death (John 7:53-8:11).

The greatest of all gifts is that He chose to give His life for us so we could live fully and completely. John wrote in 1 John 3:16 (it is no coincidence that this parallels John 3:16) that we know true love by the gift of God on the cross. Jesus did not talk a big game; He lived out and put into action His love. That is why John challenges us to love not just in word or talk but in deed and in truth (1 John 3:18).

I recently had a conversation with a Catholic priest who has become a friend to me. One of the thoughts that surfaced from our discussion was that we often say we are believers in Christ but treat people in awful ways. This is most often exhibited through hate, bitterness, and anger.  We can live in a space of division and pride rather than a place of humility and love. We can divide people according to our preconceived list of sins and who we believe deserves to be in.

But that is not how God sees love. The truth is that we are to love others. Jesus was once asked which of the commandments was the most important. Jesus, as only Jesus could, answered wisely. He stated that the prophets and the law can be summed up in two commandments: love God and love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:36-40).

This scripture is profound in its simplicity. It instructs us to love God with all our hearts and souls. If we can love God wholeheartedly, we can extend that love to our neighbors. But to truly love our neighbors, we must first love ourselves. Often, we attempt to love God and ourselves while carrying the burden of brokenness, hurt, and pain. Only when we seek healing from our pain and properly understand ourselves as God’s creation can we love fully.

The question that was posed in Jesus’ time remains relevant today: Who is my neighbor? The answer is beautifully simple. Every person we encounter is our neighbor. It’s the grumpy neighbor next door, the challenging coworker, the seemingly inattentive grocery store clerk, and even the distracted driver next to us. Love transcends all boundaries and includes everyone.   

So let me ask you?

  • Who is your neighbor? Be specific.
  • When we say God is love and that Jesus represents that love, how do you react to that understanding?
  • Where do you struggle to show love? Who are the people in your life that you find hard to love?
  • What steps can you take to love them and others?
  • Do you love yourself? That is, do you see yourself being loved by God? If not, name specific areas in your life that might be a struggle. Commit that to prayer and ask God to help you.
  • Mediate on 1 John and prayerfully consider the power of love exhibited in this text.

What’s Love Got to Do with It?

Robert W. Odom PhD

In 1984, Tina Turner released a song titled “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” The song title proposes a great question. I want to look at the subject of love today. By the way, I think love has everything to do with it. That is God’s love.

Love is one of the most misunderstood words in our language today. We use the word love for so many things. I love my wife, good food, Alabama football, driving through the country, and enjoying the scenery. I love many things, but my love for these things is not equal.

As we delve into scripture, we discover that God is love personified. The Bible unequivocally proclaims that God is love. He is the very embodiment of love. The Bible reveals that He loved us before we even knew Him. Even more astounding is that He loved us before the world was created. This revelation is nothing short of mind-blowing. How could He love me, with all my imperfections and shortcomings? And how could He love me before I even existed? I cannot fathom the depth of His love, but I am humbled by it.

In life, we love to have representations of love. For example, rings are exchanged at weddings to show one’s love and commitment to one’s partner. God showed His love by sending His son to represent God’s love here on earth. He showed us how to love our neighbors and those who did not deserve love by society’s standards.

He healed the demonic, the broken, and the blind. All of these had been rejected, isolated, and condemned by the religious leaders and by the community they lived. He forgave the woman caught in adultery, and yet he spoke into the hearts of her accusers so that they did not have any grounds to follow through with their plan of death (John 7:53-8:11).

The greatest of all gifts is that He chose to give His life for us so we could live fully and completely. John wrote in 1 John 3:16 (it is no coincidence that this parallels John 3:16) that we know true love by the gift of God on the cross. Jesus did not talk a big game; He lived out and put into action His love. That is why John challenges us to love not just in word or talk but in deed and in truth (1 John 3:18).

I recently had a conversation with a Catholic priest who has become a friend to me. One of the thoughts that surfaced from our discussion was that we often say we are believers in Christ but treat people in awful ways. This is most often exhibited through hate, bitterness, and anger.  We can live in a space of division and pride rather than a place of humility and love. We can divide people according to our preconceived list of sins and who we believe deserves to be in.

But that is not how God sees love. The truth is that we are to love others. Jesus was once asked which of the commandments was the most important. Jesus, as only Jesus could, answered wisely. He stated that the prophets and the law can be summed up in two commandments: love God and love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:36-40).

This scripture is profound in its simplicity. It instructs us to love God with all our hearts and souls. If we can love God wholeheartedly, we can extend that love to our neighbors. But to truly love our neighbors, we must first love ourselves. Often, we attempt to love God and ourselves while carrying the burden of brokenness, hurt, and pain. Only when we seek healing from our pain and properly understand ourselves as God’s creation can we love fully.

The question that was posed in Jesus’ time remains relevant today: Who is my neighbor? The answer is beautifully simple. Every person we encounter is our neighbor. It’s the grumpy neighbor next door, the challenging coworker, the seemingly inattentive grocery store clerk, and even the distracted driver next to us. Love transcends all boundaries and includes everyone.   

So let me ask you?

  • Who is your neighbor? Be specific.
  • When we say God is love and that Jesus represents that love, how do you react to that understanding?
  • Where do you struggle to show love? Who are the people in your life that you find hard to love?
  • What steps can you take to love them and others?
  • Do you love yourself? That is, do you see yourself being loved by God? If not, name specific areas in your life that might be a struggle. Commit that to prayer and ask God to help you.
  • Mediate on 1 John and prayerfully consider the power of love exhibited in this text.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , ,

November 23, 2024 · 11:49 am

Waiting Patiently

Dr. Robert W. Odom

Two words in Scripture make me cringe. They are hard to deal with. These words trigger something I want to resist. My blood pressure goes up, leaving sweat across my brow. What are these two words? They are “waiting patiently.”

Impatience is a feeling we all experience at some point. It’s a common thread that binds us, a shared human experience. Like many of us, I usually consider myself a patient person. I can usually endure heavy traffic and long lines. But there are many times when I wouldn’t say I like to wait. I want things immediately.

For example, recently, I was in the grocery store. As I scanned my items at the self-checkout, something went wrong. The employee at the self-checkout came over to help but could not figure out what was happening. I got impatient and felt hurried because I had to wait for them to figure out the problem. By the way, I only had four items. He took almost 15 minutes to try and resolve the issue. The final resolution was to move to another register and ring my items again.

When I think of this subject, I think of Abraham, who had been promised to be the father of many nations. This promise was made when he was old and his wife Sarah was barren. He had this promise but no children to make it happen. He had a promise from God, but his circumstances did not match up. He had no children, and He and Sarah were too old by the standards of that day to have any children. I can relate to this waiting period when I was waiting for a breakthrough in my career. I had a promise from God, but the circumstances were not aligning. It was a challenging time, but I held on to the promise.

Unfortunately, Abraham became impatient and slept with Sarah’s handmaiden. She conceived and had a son named Ismael. This impatience led to complications and a deviation from God’s plan, teaching us the profound consequences of impatience and the crucial importance of waiting for God’s timing. His decisions then impacted this generation and were a powerful lesson for us all.

It is difficult to wait, but the benefits are worth the wait. In the end, God fulfilled His promise, and Isaac was born. Even though Abraham failed to wait on God, God used this moment to fulfill His promise.

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD (Psalm 27:14)! In waiting for the Lord, we will experience God’s blessing. I have learned (and am still learning) that if we patiently wait on God, He will bring about some amazing things. While waiting patiently, staying connected with God through prayer and scripture is essential. It’s also helpful to surround yourself with a supportive community to encourage you during the waiting period.

Sometimes, it seems that God is silent or not concerned. But I have found that in His silence, He is working. Behind the scenes, He is at work, putting together exactly what we need.

I am reminded of when the Children of Israel were in captivity to the Egyptians. For 400 years, they prayed and waited. Sometimes, they experienced things getting worse. And they waited. They prayed. They suffered. They waited. They prayed. But God was working on a leader named Moses who would come to rescue and deliver the people of Israel. There was a promise, and that promise was to be fulfilled.

Where are you waiting today? What are you waiting for? Where are the promises you have been given that need to be fulfilled? The problem with waiting is that we can lose hope. I understand how challenging it can be to hold on to hope when the waiting seems endless. Lost hope causes us to become despondent and try things on our own. But I encourage you to hold on, for God’s timing is perfect.  

It is hard to wait, but the benefits are excellent. The rewards of patience, of trusting in God’s timing, are immeasurable. So, even while waiting, knowing what is to come is worth the wait.

So, let me ask you?

  • What are you waiting for? Is it healing, finances, a significant other in your life, etc? Be specific.
  • Where are you rushing the process?
  • What are you doing while you wait?
  • What might God be doing in you while you are waiting?
  • How are you preparing for the promise?

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

August 9, 2024 · 3:24 pm

A Challenge for our Day

Robert W. Odom, Ph.D.

We are at an exciting time in our country and the world. Of course, we are in a political season and inundated with political ads. Too often, these ads are more about what the other person has yet to do rather than what they have accomplished and will do if elected. And many times, their promises are vague. And, of course, we hear a stretching of truths and outright lies during this season.

While this is true, one thing that interests me during an election year is how quickly we judge the people around us who support a particular candidate, especially if it is not our candidate. I even know families that struggle during this time as they are on opposite ends of the spectrum regarding their candidates.

While we might support a particular candidate, political party, or issue this season, we must treat others respectfully and gracefully. One of the things that amazes me is how quickly we can reject others for their political views. I often wonder what Jesus would have done if he had been placed in this setting today. Based on what I know about Scripture, he would have acknowledged the differences but still respected the person he encountered.

The list is long. I think about the woman caught in adultery. She deserved death because that was the law of the time. But instead of condemning her, he loved her and comforted her in her time of transgression. Some believe that this was Mary Magdelene. While everyone else rejected Christ, she was at his side at the crucifixion.

I think of the Samaritan woman who was at the well. For Jesus to speak with her was political, religious, and cultural suicide. But he was more concerned about the person than about toeing the line of political, cultural, and religious correctness.

Look at the disciples, who were not high-ranking in the social culture of the day. They were fishermen, lawyers, and tax collectors. They were rough and tough. They were not the elite or a part of the in crowd, but He called them. In terms of cultural, social, or political standing, they were not qualified to be the head of the church, but they were. Despite their background, they served God and were promoted to lead the church.

I have friends who are Democrats, Republicans, conservatives, and liberals. Many of them do not see things the same politically as I do. But they are all believers with a dynamic faith that moves mountains for God. When we get to heaven, we will be surprised at who is in and who is not. I think God sees the bigger picture. We tend to be myopic and develop tunnel vision for our chosen candidate. But in the end, we are all part of a larger community united in our faith.

Let me share a couple of thoughts. I recognize that these thoughts may cause some unsettling, but we need to consider these things. My first thought is that I am concerned we equate a particular party with Christianity. This means that if I were to support someone not in that party, then I would be antichristian. How awkward that is.

I do not serve a political party; I serve Christ, who came to save the world, not just a particular party. Yes, I believe that America was founded on some sound Christian principles, but I also know that we often did not exhibit Christlike characteristics.  We stole the Native American’s property because we did little to understand their culture. If we did, we would have understood that Indians do not own their property; it is communal property. Later, we continued to take their land and make promises we never intended to keep. For the black culture, we treated them inhumanely and treated them as property rather than respect them as humans created by God. We have similar treatment of Asians, Spanish, Middle Eastern, and other cultures. We have seen women abused and treated as objects rather than humans. Sexual abuse has been swept under the rug. Sadly, prominent Christian organizations have done this, not just corporations.

How different would our world be if we supported Christ and modeled his way of dealing with people? In the final analysis, every person deserves respect as a creation of God. I have had several conversations with someone who is living a different lifestyle. One day, their words shocked and challenged me. They stated that their view of God had changed because of the way Michelle and I have accepted them as human beings. They knew we disagreed, but we still respected them. Our conversations taught us much about what drives them and why they have certain beliefs.

Too often, we make people a project rather than a person. May we have a heart after God rather than a project. May we be moved with compassion and not a political preference? May we treat everyone as a creation of God, whom God loves! Let’s strive to understand and empathize with others, regardless of their political beliefs.

Too often, we develop an us-and-them mentality. We build our clubs, and you are either in or out. This happens on all sides of this discussion. Once again, I am reminded that Christ came to save the world, not just those who join my political party or see things my way.

We still need to pick and support our candidates as much as possible. Remember to engage in respectful discourse along the way—as Jesus would. Every voice is important, and every person deserves to be heard and respected.

Thank you for listening. I ask that you do nothing but consider these thoughts. Process how you react to others who disagree and see things from the same perspective. In the end, you might be surprised and find you have some friends who might challenge you and cause you to understand what you believe even more.

© Robert W. Odom 2024

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , ,

May 25, 2024 · 3:29 pm

The Trap of Seeking Approval

Robert W. Odom, Ph. D.

April 20, 2024

Over the last several years, I have begun a journey to become more self-aware of God’s purpose for me as an individual. In so doing, I am learning what makes me do what I do and more about who I am. One thing I have learned is that I am a people-pleaser. It is hard to admit that, but it is true.

Now, let me explain why I believe this is true for me. When I was a child, I had a stepdad who was abusive emotionally, physically, and mentally. That impacted me deeply. I did not feel loved. It was the opposite. Rather than love, I felt anger. I believed it was my fault for my dad’s actions. He made no bones about not liking me. Therefore, I began to feel unwanted and unloved. This started my pursuit of getting approval from people because I wanted to be loved and accepted.

When I was twelve, I moved to my dad’s house. While things there were much better, my dad was not emotionally connected, and he was not able to communicate his love for us definitively. Other issues during my teenage years solidified my feeling of not being worthy. This was not good. As a result of this, I developed a false sense of what my worth and value looked like. The need for approval was heightened and grew stronger.

I was in my mid-fifties before I heard my dad say he loved and was proud of me. At least, that was the first time I remember. I overheard him on the phone with his pastor. He was telling his pastor how proud he was of me and what success he saw in me. I was overwhelmed by my dad’s complimentary words. Even though he was talking to his pastor and not to me directly, I believed I had received some of the admiration and approval I needed. Until then, I had been striving to get my dad’s approval. I wanted nothing more than for him to be pleased with me and to think I was successful.

Because I did not receive those words in my early years, I began to seek approval from others. I would work hard. I was obedient and toed the line of what others thought of me. While I did desire to work hard and feel the joy of completing a task, I also worked hard so that whoever my boss or the key person in my life was, I would hear them say they were pleased with me. I was seeking approval. I wanted to please others and get their approval. When I did not get that, I would work harder and harder to get approval.

One of the problems was that I was drawn to people who praised me and gave their approval. Unfortunately, they often did this solely to motivate me to do what they wanted. Ultimately, they were less connected to me than I thought. Over and over, I would be disappointed because I would be let down when I needed to receive the approval I needed. When that did not work, too often, I would leave or disconnect from those I sought approval from. As a result, I made bad decisions based on needing approval rather than truth. Or I would be angry that I did not get the approval I had longed for.

A second issue was that, as a result, I desired so much to please others that I became overly concerned about what people thought of me. The problem is that people continued to disappoint me and would never say the right thing or give me the approval I needed or desired. I was in an endless cycle of disappointment because I would not get the approval and praise I sought. And when someone else was honored or praised, I would get offended and angry at the person getting rewarded.

Another problem was that since I was trying to get the approval and praise of others, I would often give in to what others wanted. This happened so much that I no longer knew what I wanted. I started to lose myself and my desires. I began to need clarification about my needs, goals, and aspirations.

When I realized this was what I was doing and began to work through this issue, I found that I was being healed. I found that I did not have to please people anymore. There was a release for me. It was fulfilling to make decisions based on what I wanted or needed and not simply to please everyone else. I could now decide based on what was right and what was founded in truth rather than trying to please others.

I have added an essential word to my vocabulary: no. How free it is to say no to the things I do not want to do without guilt or fear of not getting approval. Responding this way is refreshing, and it is a realization that the world continues to circle the sun. Things did not fall apart, and people still liked me.

In the Old Testament (1 Samuel 15), we find Saul failed big time because he tried to please others. Instead of doing what God wanted, he took things into his own hands. He blamed the people and tried to please them more than pleasing God. How sad a commentary on one who could have been a great king. This was the commentary of my life until I started my journey of self-awareness.

On a side note, this does not mean that we do not consider others better than ourselves or that we do not put others first. We do these things, but not at the expense of knowing who we are and being more self-aware.

Regarding my journey, I am not fully healed in this area. I continue to struggle from time to time, but I am getting better. I am processing this lesson for myself, realizing that I need to be more aware of my motivation for doing what I do.

If this resonates with you, I challenge you to take stock of your life. Why do you do what you do? Do you find it hard to say no because you are seeking approval? Are you afraid that people will not like you if you say no?

So let me ask you:

  • How are you doing in this area of your life?
  • How often are you doing things to get another’s approval and praise? How is that working for you?
  • How often do you feel used by others? This can happen when we want others’ approval. It is hard to say no because we fear they will not approve of or like us.
  • Think about when you stood your ground and said no to someone without feeling pressured to get their approval. How did that feel?

© Robert W. Odom, 2024

The Trap of Seeking Approval

Robert W. Odom, Ph. D.

April 20, 2024

Over the last several years, I have begun a journey to become more self-aware of God’s purpose for me as an individual. In so doing, I am learning what makes me do what I do and more about who I am. One thing I have learned is that I am a people-pleaser. It is hard to admit that, but it is true.

Now, let me explain why I believe this is true for me. When I was a child, I had a stepdad who was abusive emotionally, physically, and mentally. That impacted me deeply. I did not feel loved. It was the opposite. Rather than love, I felt anger. I believed it was my fault for my dad’s actions. He made no bones about not liking me. Therefore, I began to feel unwanted and unloved. This started my pursuit of getting approval from people because I wanted to be loved and accepted.

When I was twelve, I moved to my dad’s house. While things there were much better, my dad was not emotionally connected, and he was not able to communicate his love for us definitively. Other issues during my teenage years solidified my feeling of not being worthy. This was not good. As a result of this, I developed a false sense of what my worth and value looked like. The need for approval was heightened and grew stronger.

I was in my mid-fifties before I heard my dad say he loved and was proud of me. At least, that was the first time I remember. I overheard him on the phone with his pastor. He was telling his pastor how proud he was of me and what success he saw in me. I was overwhelmed by my dad’s complimentary words. Even though he was talking to his pastor and not to me directly, I believed I had received some of the admiration and approval I needed. Until then, I had been striving to get my dad’s approval. I wanted nothing more than for him to be pleased with me and to think I was successful.

Because I did not receive those words in my early years, I began to seek approval from others. I would work hard. I was obedient and toed the line of what others thought of me. While I did desire to work hard and feel the joy of completing a task, I also worked hard so that whoever my boss or the key person in my life was, I would hear them say they were pleased with me. I was seeking approval. I wanted to please others and get their approval. When I did not get that, I would work harder and harder to get approval.

One of the problems was that I was drawn to people who praised me and gave their approval. Unfortunately, they often did this solely to motivate me to do what they wanted. Ultimately, they were less connected to me than I thought. Over and over, I would be disappointed because I would be let down when I needed to receive the approval I needed. When that did not work, too often, I would leave or disconnect from those I sought approval from. As a result, I made bad decisions based on needing approval rather than truth. Or I would be angry that I did not get the approval I had longed for.

A second issue was that, as a result, I desired so much to please others that I became overly concerned about what people thought of me. The problem is that people continued to disappoint me and would never say the right thing or give me the approval I needed or desired. I was in an endless cycle of disappointment because I would not get the approval and praise I sought. And when someone else was honored or praised, I would get offended and angry at the person getting rewarded.

Another problem was that since I was trying to get the approval and praise of others, I would often give in to what others wanted. This happened so much that I no longer knew what I wanted. I started to lose myself and my desires. I began to need clarification about my needs, goals, and aspirations.

When I realized this was what I was doing and began to work through this issue, I found that I was being healed. I found that I did not have to please people anymore. There was a release for me. It was fulfilling to make decisions based on what I wanted or needed and not simply to please everyone else. I could now decide based on what was right and what was founded in truth rather than trying to please others.

I have added an essential word to my vocabulary: no. How free it is to say no to the things I do not want to do without guilt or fear of not getting approval. Responding this way is refreshing, and it is a realization that the world continues to circle the sun. Things did not fall apart, and people still liked me.

In the Old Testament (1 Samuel 15), we find Saul failed big time because he tried to please others. Instead of doing what God wanted, he took things into his own hands. He blamed the people and tried to please them more than pleasing God. How sad a commentary on one who could have been a great king. This was the commentary of my life until I started my journey of self-awareness.

On a side note, this does not mean that we do not consider others better than ourselves or that we do not put others first. We do these things, but not at the expense of knowing who we are and being more self-aware.

Regarding my journey, I am not fully healed in this area. I continue to struggle from time to time, but I am getting better. I am processing this lesson for myself, realizing that I need to be more aware of my motivation for doing what I do.

If this resonates with you, I challenge you to take stock of your life. Why do you do what you do? Do you find it hard to say no because you are seeking approval? Are you afraid that people will not like you if you say no?

So let me ask you:

  1. How are you doing in this area of your life?
  • How often are you doing things to get another’s approval and praise? How is that working for you?
  • How often do you feel used by others? This can happen when we want others’ approval. It is hard to say no because we fear they will not approve of or like us.
  • Think about when you stood your ground and said no to someone without feeling pressured to get their approval. How did that feel?

© Robert W. Odom, 2024

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , ,

May 18, 2024 · 2:42 pm

Expectations

Robert W. Odom, Ph. D.

May 18, 2024

Expectations

I’ve realized lately that many of us have unrealistic expectations. I know I have them. These expectations are often revealed as demands on others. When these expectations are unmet, we get frustrated and even angry with the other person. This creates a problem for each person.

Unhealthy expectations can cause us to be rigid. We do not want to change because we want to stay the same. In contrast, we want everyone else to live up to the expectations we cannot live up to. When we believe we should not make mistakes, we may never take risks because we fear failure. We are frozen in the fear that we may fail.

Sometimes, we have expectations as to what others should do or how they should act. When these expectations are not discussed, problems can arise. A case point might be a marriage relationship where expectations are unclear. For example, it could be the expectation of who handles the finances, who does the dishes, or who does the shopping.

These may seem simple and nonissues for many, but if one partner has an expectation that needs to be communicated, and it is not, problems can occur. They can become irritated or frustrated. They can lash out because of unmet expectations.

So, what do we do? Does this mean that we should not have any expectations? Not! We need to have expectations, but these expectations must be realistic and communicated where possible. In a relationship, it is helpful to agree on these expectations so that both people are on the same page. This would include friendships, business relationships, family, and marriage.

I can remember a time in my life when I would come home and find the driveway littered with toys and bikes. I would have to stop the car and remove these things before I could pull onto the driveway. When this happened, I would get angry and not be very happy. I would take my anger and unhappiness out on my kids and wife.

Since this was an ongoing situation, I began questioning why I responded as I did. After some consideration, I realized I had a false expectation of what the driveway should be like when I came home. I was expecting the driveway to be cleared of everything. Instead of being happy that my kids had toys and enjoyed playing outside, I complained and presented a negative attitude. I had an expectation that was born from a selfish motivation. The truth is I wanted to be safe. I did not want to waste my time cleaning the driveway.

In the following days, I began praying that my attitude would change. After some time, I realized I was no longer angry that the driveway was messy. I did not get angry anymore. I arrived home with a different attitude.

To deal with false expectations, we must first acknowledge that we have them. Some of these expectations come from how we see the world. We can believe that things will always be positive and good, and when they are not, we are negatively affected.  We can think that we will be treated fairly, but that will only sometimes happen. People will hurt you, and they will cause pain both intentionally and unintentionally.

Secondly, you might have unhealthy expectations if you get angry when certain things do not happen as you believe they should. If this is the case, we may need to ascertain why we get angry. What is driving the anger? Is there a real issue, or is it simply an unmet expectation?

Thirdly, rethink your expectations. This is especially true regarding our demands on others. We expect people to act and respond to us in a certain way. When they do not, we become angry and upset. If this is the case, we need to evaluate the expectations to ensure that we are not expecting what may never happen.

Fourth, talk to someone who knows you. Ask them if they believe you have unhealthy expectations or any blind spots. Amazingly, people see our blind spots in ourselves long before we see them. We may not like what they reveal, but trust your heart and trust them to speak the truth.

Finally, respond to the revelation of your unhealthy expectations. Take steps to change. Take action to modulate your expectations. This may take time but take some action to bring about the necessary change for a better-balanced life. Ultimately, you will be emotionally and spiritually better off than without this analysis.

So let me ask you,

  1. What unhealthy expectations do you have? Be specific.
  • Where do you try to force others to live up to your unhealthy expectations?
  • Who in your life can speak to the blind spots in your life? Talk to them and allow them to reveal the truth to you.
  • Spend some time considering your unhealthy expectations and where you can modulate these expectations.
  • Continue to evaluate your life and adjust to any new unhealthy expectations that might arise.

© Robert W. Odom, 2024

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , ,

January 12, 2024 · 10:05 am

Mary and the Surprises of God

Robert W. Odom Ph. D.  

In reading the New Testament about the birth of Jesus, it is noteworthy that Matthew gives us Joseph’s genealogy. In his writing, Matthew mentions five women with assorted backgrounds. What is truly interesting is that Matthew places Mary in his genealogy. Luke’s genealogy, while he traces Mary’s genealogy, does not mention Mary.

Now, here is where it gets interesting. Both Mary and Joseph were from the line of David, which was a key component of satisfying the prophecies of the Old Testament. Joseph came from the line of Solomon, while Mary was from the line of Nathan. Both were sons of David and Bathsheba. Without this connection, there could be an argument that Jesus was not the legitimate Messiah. That solved the issue and closed the door to argumentation.

What does the story of Mary teach us? While there are many lessons. One of those, I believe, is that the story teaches us that sometimes God surprises us. He certainly surprised Mary with the announcement that she was pregnant. Even she proclaimed. How could this be? In a casual reading, we may miss the meaning of this phrase. How could this be since she was a virgin? How could this be since she had not known a man sexually? How could this be when she was betrothed to Joseph? What would be his reaction? What would her parents’ reaction be? These are all legitimate questions. They are necessary for us to resolve the surprise of God in our hearts.

As we see in the story, she was visited by an angel who gave her this news, but that same angel comforted and assured her that God was with her. When we are surprised by the workings of God, we, too, need to be assured that God is with us. One of the things that we can be assured of is that if God has called us to do something incredible, he will provide the means and the way for it to take place.

Mary was an ordinary teenage girl with normal expectations. She was in the process of marrying Joseph when all of this took place. She did not anticipate this blessing. She did not ask for it, and yet God blessed her. God chose to use her not because she was special but because of God’s choice. I guess that God could have used many other women of that day to be the birth mother of Jesus, but he didn’t. He chose Mary.

When God surprises us, we can sometimes battle self-esteem and issues of worthiness because we look around and see others who are more qualified. We look and see people with a more excellent education. We look at people who are more talented than we are. I wonder if Mary did not go through this at times. But here’s the deal: if God has called you, he will equip you and put the people in your path who can help you succeed at whatever God has called you to do. I will tell you today, as the angel Gabriel told Mary and Joseph, not to be afraid. What God has called you to do, he will see it through.

Sometimes, God has to work in us before he can work through us to touch the world around us. I would encourage you today to allow God to do whatever work he needs to do, and as he does that, he will begin to work through you. I am always amazed at how God opens doors when I least expect it.

We did not know what to expect when we left our last assignment and moved to Richmond. We moved without a job or any promises. Since that time, we have seen God surprise us so many times. He continues to bless us and surprise us.

The surprises of God and life come in many different shapes and sizes. It could be a new job, a new house, or new sources of income. It could be in meeting new friends. Sometimes, life’s surprises bring pain and hurt, such as losing a loved one. But no matter the surprise, God uses them to bring about His will and purposes in our lives.

So let me ask you:

  1. Where has God surprised you?
  2. When God surprised you, what questions did you have?
  3. How did you resolve these questions?
  4. What emotions did you have to process to accept the surprises of God?
  5. How has your life been different since God has surprised you?

© Robert W. Odom 2024

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , ,

December 17, 2023 · 11:02 am

Rahab – a Story of Acceptance and Faith

Today, we continue our look at the genealogy of Jesus and Joseph. Last time, we looked at Tamar; this time, we will look at the story of Rahab, the prostitute. What I love about the Bible is that the authors do not try to hide the good, the bad, or the ugly about people. It is all included so that we find that we are welcome no matter who we are or what we have done.

I am amazed and blessed that Tamar and Rahab were included in the story of Christ. Her story was filled with deceit and rejection, but nonetheless, it is a story of hope. As we look at the story of Rahab, a few things will help us understand it. The nation of Israel had finally left the wilderness. They had been there for forty years because of their disobedience. They could have entered earlier, but they spent forty years wandering in the wilderness because of their lack of faith.

When the Israelites crossed the Jordan River into the promised land, they were to conquer it. While in the wilderness, God provided them with everything. He provided food, water, and safety. Now, they would have to fend for themselves. They were to possess the land but had to fight for it. They had to take it.

God had commanded the Israelites to take the land and destroy Jericho, but they were to do so in an unconventional means. They were to march around the town once a day for six days. On the seventh day, they were to march seven times. On the seventh time, they were to blow their horns and shout at the top of their lungs.

Once they crossed over the Jordan River, Joshua sent the two spies into the city of Jericho. Jericho was a city surrounded by thick walls. There were two walls. The first was at least thirteen feet thick, and the second was seven feet thick. These walls were almost impenetrable because they were so thick.

Once inside Jericho, the spies encountered a young woman named Rahab. She is identified as a harlot or a prostitute in the story of Joshua. She befriended them and hid them in the stalks of wheat harvested on her roof. This was a big risk for her because her countrymen could have sentenced her to death for the act of treason. Since she did not know Josh, would he keep his word? As we study this, we see that she trusted God more than she feared those living in Jericho and more than her trust or non-trust for Joshua’s men. Rahab risked everything to save Joshua’s men and protect them from the onslaught by Jericho.

This is a story of grace and mercy. Rahab was an outsider. She was a Gentile. She did not have the credentials to serve God. Or so she thought. In our day, many would not have received her either. She had too many things against her. After all, she was a prostitute. For the Israelites, she was not of the Jewish faith. She was not in the right profession, and she was in the right group, but God used her. Have you ever felt unworthy to serve God because of your origin or what you might have done?

What saved her? It is because she recognized the power of God and began to acknowledge God as her king. This changed her life, and she was willing to take the risk on both fronts. Listen to her story of faith in Joshua 2:8 Before the men lay down, she came up to them on the roof 9 and said to the men, “I know that the Lord has given you the land, and that the fear of you has fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land melt away before you. 10 For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea before you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were beyond the Jordan, to Sihon and Og, whom you devoted to destruction. 11 And as soon as we heard it, our hearts melted, and there was no spirit left in any man because of you, for the Lord your God, he is God in the heavens above and on the earth beneath. She gave a testimony of the power of God to save. She recognized the power of God and gave Him praise.

As I read this story. I thought of the story of Mary Magdelene, who was about to be stoned when Jesus approached the crowd. He saw the elders of the church with their hands raised to stone a woman who they said had been caught in adultery. Jesus saw the woman, approached the woman, and then knelt on the ground. As he did this, he began to scribble in the sand.

Some would argue, but I believe that he began to write out the names of her attackers and what they had done. He made this statement. He, without sin, cast the first stone. One by one, her accusers left her. Finally, there was no one there. Jesus asked her where your accusers were. They are not there. Jesus said neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.

The stories of Rahab and Mary Magdelene are important because Jesus came to save the world. So why would his lineage not involve the world? All men everywhere were accepted by Christ and welcomed into the kingdom of God. It did not matter. What mattered was that God received them where they were.

How do we know this about Rahab? First, Rahab is included in the genealogy of Christ. Secondly, she was mentioned in two different passages that represent her faith. Listen to these.

Hebrew 11:30:31 By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days.By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient, because she had given a friendly welcome to the spies.

James 2:24-26  You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. And in the same way was not also Rahab the prostitute justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.

So let me ask you:

  1. Have you felt rejected because of your past?
  2. Have you been in a place where you believed you were not accepted because you were not in the right profession or the right group? Explain how that makes you feel.
  3. Where have you seen the grace and mercy of God in your life?
  4. Where can you reach out to someone who seems on the outside but needs God’s grace? Make a list and pray for God to allow you to speak life and hope to them.                                                                

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 6, 2023 · 12:48 pm

Death and the testing of our faith

.

Robert W. Odom, Ph. D.

Over the last few days, I have had several discussions about the recent shootings in Nashville. One of the themes of the debate has been about how God can allow a child to be killed when God could have intervened and prevented it. For some, this has created a crisis of faith. The concern has been how God could allow this to occur at a Christian school when so many people prayed over the school before the shooting. When it comes to these discussions, there are no easy answers. Also, we must understand that many of our questions will never be answered. The fact is that we will not fully understand why such things happen.

Before we discuss anything else, let me say this. God is a good God. He loves us with passionate love. Because bad things happen does not mean that He has forsaken us. God is also a just God. To be a loving God, He must also be a just God. I do not always understand what God does or why He does it, but I know He loves me and this world.

That said, I will make a few comments that apply to this discussion. I desire that it generates a conversation and a journey toward truth. This is not an attempt to draw lines in the sand but to look at a couple of things that must be addressed about this issue.

My first observation in this discussion is that bad things happen to good people. Scripture defines this as the sun rising on the just and the unjust. It also rains on the just, and the unjust (Matthew 5:45). Bad things happen. In most cases, we cannot control these things. Some believe that people of faith are exempt from tragedy and sadness. But the Scripture does not support this view. We have many stories where people face very difficult times. We find this with the disciples. We see this with Jesus Himself. We find this with the early church fathers.

Unfortunately, people around us will get sick, have problems, and die. This includes children and loved ones. However, it is critical to note that this does not mean that we do not have faith or that our prayers are worthless. From this perspective, Paul wrote that we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power of God belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way; but not crushed; perplexed; but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down; but not destroyed … (2 Corinthians 4:7-10). Scripture also reminds us that the inward strength for endurance is most important.

Paul was a man of faith. He was a pastor and an organizer of the early church. Paul experienced trouble. He was beaten. He was rejected by spiritual leadership. The political and social leaders ran him out of town. He was shipwrecked. He had a health issue. Friends betrayed him. As a man of faith, he was not immune from difficulties. And yet, he grew in grace. At one point, he wrote these amazing words. Though outwardly we are wasting away yet, inwardly, we are being renewed (2 Corinthians 4:16-19).

A second thought here is that, as humans, we have been created with the ability to choose and make decisions. Our decisions have consequences. These can be positive, but they can also be negative. And many times, our decisions have unintended consequences. When awful acts of violence occur, it is because of multiple choices, not just one. These are choices by the one who has committed the act and by those who have influenced their lives.

We have often seen that those who commit these acts have been rejected by society or a particular group. Many times, they have been bullied and have had unkind acts committed against them. Rather than love, one group has decided to reject another. They often do not fit the other’s mold or belief structure. Sometimes these people want to be acknowledged and recognized, even if it is through negative means.

There are several motivations for bad decisions. Selfishness is at the core of many of our bad choices. Unmet expectations, wounds, and hurt all impact our ability to make good or bad decisions. This is why we often find that the one carrying out the mass shooting has been traumatized through bullying, rejection, or abuse. These emotional deficits cause reactions and decisions to be made that are unhealthy and lead to bad decisions. Because they are in pain, they want to afflict pain on others.

The fact that cannot be denied is that evil exists and is very real. From the beginning of time, as we know it, evil has existed. Tragedy moves us to action. When we talk about mass murder, several solutions are presented. One extreme suggests that if we eliminate all guns, we will not have mass murders. The second extreme is to create stronger laws and lock people up. A third issue is the issue of mental health.

In my opinion, we need reasonable gun control laws. However, removing guns may not do as much as expected, as people will still react angrily to issues. I remember in the 60s, and 70’s when bombs were used in major cities to cause destruction and inflict as much pain as possible. We cannot forget the bombing of the FBI building in Oklahoma City in 1995, where 168 were killed, and 680 were injured. The evil intent of humankind is hard to change and eradicate.

In the mental health discussion, there is no doubt that we need to do more for those with mental health issues. I know that here in Richmond, there is a six to 12-month wait for professional counseling. Unfortunately, this does not account for those who manage to stay under the surface and are not seen or admit that they have an issue that needs to be addressed.

I finish this where I began. There are no easy answers. We must pray and seek to do good in all things. We must seek to honor God in our actions and the way we treat those who are most wounded. We need to reach out to those who are flying under the radar. As I often say, this is not easy, but necessary.

So let me ask you:

  1. Have you had a crisis of faith because of what happens in society? How have you managed this? Perhaps you need someone to talk to. Sometimes we need someone to help us process the challenges of life.
  2. Who do you know who needs a friend? Do you know someone who needs the support of friendship?
  3. Do you live in the extremes or have a balanced view of what’s happening in the world?
  4. Pray for God to help you shine His light into a dark world.

© Robert W. Odom 2013

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as ,

December 1, 2022 · 11:19 am

The Wilderness Experience

Dr. Bob Odom, Ph. D.

December 1, 2022

One of my favorite passages in Scripture is Deuteronomy 8:2. “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart.”

A wilderness can be defined as a place of the unknown. It is a place of uncertainty. The wilderness is that place where we are in transition and question what is next for us. It is the in-between place of where we have been and where we are going. It is a place where we encounter rugged, harsh places. I am not sure about you, but I would not say I like the wilderness. But the wilderness journey is a necessary one.

Why is it necessary? It is essential because it is where we understand more about ourselves. It is noteworthy that in the passage above, we see that the purpose of the wilderness is to understand what is in our hearts. In the wilderness, we learn that we are impatient. It is hard to wait for the unfolding of God’s will. We learn how much we try to accomplish things independently in the wilderness. Conversely, we learn how much our faith in God is needed in the wilderness.

In the wilderness, we can sometimes feel we have lost everything. There have been times when I have been obedient to respond to God’s calling and enter a time of transition. I have begun to wonder if I have genuinely heard God’s voice in this transition. I have been made aware that not much is happening at the moment. The doors are not opening. Promises have not been kept. Things can seem lost.

But, in the wilderness, we can miss what God is doing because we look into the future rather than living in the moment. In the wilderness, we can miss the provision of God. Or better yet, we can complain about His provision because we want something different. Living in the wilderness, we can become discontented with the daily provisions of God like the children of Israel. We can become bored with what God has given us.

I do not like the wilderness for several reasons! I want action. I want to move forward! I want to know where I am headed and what the future holds. I do not like the unknown. I like order, and the wilderness creates dissonance where the truth and reality I live in are tested. The wilderness comes along and turns my world upside down.

But, I have learned that the wilderness is not a bad thing. I understand my heart better in the wilderness—emotional issues surface. Our emotions are most often symptomatic of spiritual matters. I realize that my impatience is an effect of my lack of faith. It is also a sign of my desire to accomplish more than God’s will.

In the wilderness, I struggle to trust that God is hearing me or working for me! I know He is, but it is hard to understand He is! I learn patience as I do not know how long the journey will last! I have been here before, and each time in God’s timing, He has led me to the promised land, or at least my promised land! Sometimes it is an hour, a day, a week, or even a year.

But like the Children of Israel, I can easily forget what God has done. I can forget that He provided food. He kept my clothes from wearing out. He has given me food to eat. He has protected me from the enemies around me. He has given me leadership and people around me who love me and care for me. In the wilderness, He has drawn me into deeper worship.

In the wilderness, I learn to submit my will to His! We have been taught this, but it is easier said than done in the wilderness. I want to help get answers in the wilderness, so I am tempted to help God out. I am tempted to open doors God never intended to open. I am tempted to manipulate God’s purposes.

So, if you are in the wilderness, be patient. Enjoy the moment. Live in the present and look at the beauty of God all around you. You might be surprised by what you see. Several years ago, my car broke down, and I had to walk home. In the slowness of that journey, I saw things that had only been a blur when driving in the car. I saw the beauty around me that I never saw before. So, in the wilderness, look for the beauty of God and experience His grace and mercy to the fullest.

Questions for you:

  1. Are you in the wilderness now? If so, what is God teaching you about yourself?
  2. In the wilderness, can you see the beauty around you?
  3. What emotions are being revealed that need to be dealt with?
  4. How is your ability to be patient in the wilderness working out for you?

Copyright © Robert W. Odom, 2022

The Wilderness Experience

Dr. Bob Odom, Ph. D.

December 1, 2022

One of my favorite passages in Scripture is Deuteronomy 8:2. “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart.”

A wilderness can be defined as a place of the unknown. It is a place of uncertainty. The wilderness is that place where we are in transition and question what is next for us. It is the in-between place of where we have been and where we are going. It is a place where we encounter rugged, harsh places. I am not sure about you, but I would not say I like the wilderness. But the wilderness journey is a necessary one.

Why is it necessary? It is essential because it is where we understand more about ourselves. It is noteworthy that in the passage above, we see that the purpose of the wilderness is to understand what is in our hearts. In the wilderness, we learn that we are impatient. It is hard to wait for the unfolding of God’s will. We learn how much we try to accomplish things independently in the wilderness. Conversely, we learn how much our faith in God is needed in the wilderness.

In the wilderness, we can sometimes feel we have lost everything. There have been times when I have been obedient to respond to God’s calling and enter a time of transition. I have begun to wonder if I have genuinely heard God’s voice in this transition. I have been made aware that not much is happening at the moment. The doors are not opening. Promises have not been kept. Things can seem lost.

But, in the wilderness, we can miss what God is doing because we look into the future rather than living in the moment. In the wilderness, we can miss the provision of God. Or better yet, we can complain about His provision because we want something different. Living in the wilderness, we can become discontented with the daily provisions of God like the children of Israel. We can become bored with what God has given us.

I do not like the wilderness for several reasons! I want action. I want to move forward! I want to know where I am headed and what the future holds. I do not like the unknown. I like order, and the wilderness creates dissonance where the truth and reality I live in are tested. The wilderness comes along and turns my world upside down.

But, I have learned that the wilderness is not a bad thing. I understand my heart better in the wilderness—emotional issues surface. Our emotions are most often symptomatic of spiritual matters. I realize that my impatience is an effect of my lack of faith. It is also a sign of my desire to accomplish more than God’s will.

In the wilderness, I struggle to trust that God is hearing me or working for me! I know He is, but it is hard to understand He is! I learn patience as I do not know how long the journey will last! I have been here before, and each time in God’s timing, He has led me to the promised land, or at least my promised land! Sometimes it is an hour, a day, a week, or even a year.

But like the Children of Israel, I can easily forget what God has done. I can forget that He provided food. He kept my clothes from wearing out. He has given me food to eat. He has protected me from the enemies around me. He has given me leadership and people around me who love me and care for me. In the wilderness, He has drawn me into deeper worship.

In the wilderness, I learn to submit my will to His! We have been taught this, but it is easier said than done in the wilderness. I want to help get answers in the wilderness, so I am tempted to help God out. I am tempted to open doors God never intended to open. I am tempted to manipulate God’s purposes.

So, if you are in the wilderness, be patient. Enjoy the moment. Live in the present and look at the beauty of God all around you. You might be surprised by what you see. Several years ago, my car broke down, and I had to walk home. In the slowness of that journey, I saw things that had only been a blur when driving in the car. I saw the beauty around me that I never saw before. So, in the wilderness, look for the beauty of God and experience His grace and mercy to the fullest.

Questions for you:

  1. Are you in the wilderness now? If so, what is God teaching you about yourself?
  2. In the wilderness, can you see the beauty around you?
  3. What emotions are being revealed that need to be dealt with?
  4. How is your ability to be patient in the wilderness working out for you?

Copyright © Robert W. Odom, 2022

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , ,

October 22, 2022 · 1:32 pm

Handling Grief and Trauma in a Healthy Way

Someone has said that if you have not experienced grief or trauma, give it time. You will. The fact is, we will all experience suffering and trauma at some point in our life. The problem is that we often do not navigate either of these very well. There are several reasons for this, but I will deal with a couple of things.

We often forget that everyone will deal with grief and trauma differently. Some seem not to be impacted by their experience, while others are hit much harder. Additionally, we do not know how we might handle a specific challenge as each trauma we face, the timing, and the overall impact of one or more traumas affect us differently.

When dealing with trauma, our religious beliefs and theological positions will affect how we deal with grief and trauma. When we face trauma or severe grief, we can encounter a crisis of faith because of what we have been taught and when our beliefs are challenged. For example, we have been taught to be joyful in all things. While this is a true statement, we can struggle emotionally and not feel joyful when confronting a traumatic event in our life. We work hard to be joyful when our hearts are broken and our emotions are all over the place. The reality is that it is hard to feel joy when our world has been turned upside down.

For others, we are told that we do not have enough faith if we struggle with grief and trauma. We are told we need more faith if we feel angry or depressed during these events. We are told to suck it up and get over our grief.  For example, my wife, who was struggling with the loss of her sister, was told, “let the dead bury the dead.” This was followed by “It is time to move on and get it together.”

The result can be devastating when we try to follow this counsel and not deal with trauma or grief honestly. Many fake their feelings and pretend that everything is okay rather than processing their grief in positive ways. They bury their sorrow. But grief will be dealt with. It may not be in the moment, but grief can affect us for a long time when not processed positively. It can come out in ways that we sometimes do not expect. We can have emotional outbursts. Our blood pressure can be elevated. We can struggle with digestive issues. Sleep will escape us, and when awake, we constantly ruminate about the events(s).

When processing grief, we need to know that everyone will deal with grief and trauma differently. Some will take longer than others, and that is okay. There are no timelines for processing grief. The key is that we are moving forward. Sometimes this means doing the next thing, whatever that might be. It might be to take a shower. Clean your room. One step, one thing at a time, can lead to bigger things in time.

When facing trauma, we can receive counsel, and people can say the most incredible statements that can wound and hurt us. For example, one mother’s son died from a childhood disease before he was a year old. One of the people on the receiving line told her, “At least you don’t have to worry about potty training.” This statement missed the mark and caused additional hurt to this poor woman.

Others often assert that things will improve, but that is not always true when dealing with trauma. The issue is that people dealing with trauma are navigating a new normal. While people are coping with grief and trauma, things can worsen before they improve. One spouse whose husband had passed away quickly and without warning found that he had not paid taxes in ten years. She also discovered that their finances were a mess and that he had many outstanding debts.

Upon his death, they were, for all practical purposes, bankrupt. For almost three years, things did not get better for her. She had to sell their home and cars and pick up extra jobs to pay the bills to have a decent income. Today, things are better for her, but at first, things did not improve and did not for several years.

So how do we help someone who is dealing with grief? First, be a good listener. Sometimes one dealing with grief or trauma need to talk. Do not offer counsel or try to solve the problems. Just listen. Ask questions to clarify what they are saying. Repeat back what you think you have heard them say. This will give them a sense of freedom and security.

Second, come alongside them to offer your help. Avoid asking what they need because they will feel awkward sharing. Or they may not know what they need. Look for opportunities to serve them. Cook a meal. Cut their grass. Buy them groceries. Clean their house. Wash their clothes. Come along and help them.

Third, accept the mood swings that will be inevitable. Some days they will be happy and then suddenly very sad and perhaps even depressed. Sometimes these mood swings are because of holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other special dates. Sometimes there is no reason at all. There is a memory that comes and affects them. Perhaps they wake up feeling lonely and sad.

Fourth, do not force them to do anything they are not ready to do. In the first few months, they should not make any decisions they do not have to. Encourage them to do only those things that are necessary. They should not make major financial decisions for a while. Additionally, do not rush them to get rid of the clothes or possessions of the one they lost. Avoid forcing them to attend parties or events they are not ready to participate in. Give them room to adjust. If they attend an event, permit them to leave early if things are uncomfortable.

Fifth, do not criticize how long it takes them to process their grief. There is no timeline for grief; each person and event is different. Trying to force people to heal faster than they are ready can cause more significant damage. We must offer grace and mercy to those struggling with grief and traumatic events.

Sixth, do not be surprised if they respond with anger and bitterness toward the person that has caused them to be in this place. They may be angry at the person who killed their family member. They may be angry at the drunk driver who critically injured their husband or wife. They may be angry at the drug dealer who sold their son or daughter the deadly drug. There are many reasons one may be angry or bitter. Give them time. Do not force an emotion or action they are not ready to express.

Finally, sometimes the best thing to do is to be there! You do not have to say anything. Just be present. Be available! Provide a ministry of presence.

So what do you feel about grief? Have you struggled with grief or trauma? Have you been forced to do things you were not ready to do? If so, what did you do, and how did you respond to this?

Finally, did even the statements about how to help others resonate with you? Which one is the biggest challenge for you? I encourage you to consider these questions. Be honest with your answers.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , ,