By Bob Odom PhD, GC-C
Emma Heming Willis, wife of Bruce Willis, has spoken openly about the toll of caregiving after Bruce’s diagnosis with frontotemporal dementia. In reflecting on her journey, she shared that she had become so consumed by caregiving that she began to lose touch with herself—what she enjoyed, what made her happy, and even what she needed. Her book, The Unexpected Journey, focuses on finding strength, hope, and oneself while walking the caregiving path.
This comment and the thoughts I have been processing is how people who faced trauma, grief, caregiving, and other life struggles can find themselves in a place where they no longer know who they are. For so long, their focus has been on surviving, caring for others, and healing from personal wounds that, somewhere along the way, they lose themselves. Many become defined by the trauma, the illness, the loss, or the responsibility placed upon them.
This is a common experience for those navigating grief, trauma, and caregiving. Yet, in many ways, this struggle is nothing new. Since the beginning of humanity, people have wrestled with identity and purpose. The difficulty becomes even greater when trauma—whether “big T” trauma or “little t” trauma—begins to shape how we see ourselves.
This reminds me of the parable of the sower. The seed is planted, but the thorns grow up and choke out what is good. In the same way, the cares of life, wounds of the past, and burdens we carry can choke out joy, peace, purpose, and identity.
So what do we do when we feel lost?
First, we acknowledge where we are. We acknowledge the pain. We acknowledge the confusion. We acknowledge that we may not know who we are right now. Recognition is often the first step toward healing.
Second, we begin to imagine and dream again. We ask, “What brings me joy? What gives me life? What has God placed within me that has been buried beneath the weight of survival?” Give your self permission to do something that brings you joy. Go to a movie. Have dinner with friends. Go for a walk. Take a trip.
Biblically, we do this by leaning into prayer, the Word of God, and the counsel of trusted people who will help guide us toward healing. Paul reminds us in Romans 12:2 that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. Too often, the cares and struggles of life conform us into something God never intended. But through His grace, our minds, hearts, and lives can be renewed. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to write the narrative in our minds. It is a narrative that replaces the narrative that I hav lost my self with one that says I have life. I have hope. I am a creation of God who is defined by God’s purposes.
Finding ourselves is not simply going back to who we were before the trauma. It is about learning to heal, love, live, and find life after what happened. It is about finding a new normal and a new life.
This week, choose one thing that brings you joy. Do it for yourself. Do it without guilt. Do it without regret. Even if it feels strange at first, let it be one small step toward finding yourself again.
Life on the edge 